Roll Call 113

I think the first thing I did when I was psychotic was download software for VPN connection through my school. I consider it a sign of health that I'm fine being a sheep and blending with the herd now.....

Well, it's evening and I again haven't been given anything for this cold. It's making its way into my chest now. Usually once the coughing starts it gets so that I can't lie down. With COPD there should be complications. I hope I die.

It’s like registration with the down that you intend to burn brush.

don’t say that

Maybe you could call or text him?

I went to his office. He let me hang out. When he left to go home he gave me a key cuz I didn't wanna go home so I hung out there a bit by myself and waited for prn to kick in
T said I am delusional but I've talked to my dad before thru a ouija board I know it's possible for him to contact me

Careful with the Ouija boards... you don't know who you are summoning. You don't want bad spirits following you like I do. No fun at all.

I don't do it anymore but I did when I was a teenager and yes it was freaky.

Indeed they are.

Comcast. They are one of the major monopolies. I just buy their wifi signal.

Mean Mr mustard

A few of my favorite things

Nowhere man

Do you wanna know a secret

Please please me

Younger than springtime

(A riff I used to try to block out the earworms)

With a few other non Beatles songs, these have been on shuffle play in my head for I think months now. I thought it was over the top even before younger than springtime.

So... A heroine nurse helped me find a generic ben a drill in my meds cup. The doctor still hasn't written the order for anything. My sinuses feel so much better. I know it will wear off in a few hours but it's so helpful. Now that the infection is moving towards my lungs I'm going to need something for coughing too.

Hope everyone is feeling well. Thank you to Finding reason and Valley for your kind thoughts.

Bf left.

OMG HE SPENT TWO WHOLE DAYS WITH ME

Crazy fun!!!

I'm looking at Google Timeline....and just wow. Looking at every single action and trip over the last couple years. Add in how many trackers this security software I'm using is blocking online....I'm just getting more and more paranoid by the minute. And in this day and age it is really hard to get out of it. You lose all connection with most everyone when you cut out technology.

I spoke too soon. Now I'm more stuffed up than earlier. I guess it's hopeless.

So the report from my pdoc appointment became available online. My wife helped read it to me, and it went roughly to what happened there, and he observed my behavior in the appointment was stable, logical, and no evidence of voices, paranoia, or psychotic behavior, which is true that I was doing pretty well at that time. At least he wasn't condescending this time, and I think it was cause I provided symptom charts and had my wife there sharing her side of seeing me symptomatic. I don't know why but I manage to keep calm and composed in formal situations. Maybe just how I am, and trained to be through my upbringing.

Interesting that while my BPD symptoms are very under control:



The diagnosis always shows up like a sticker in my reports. I don't like that....especially when I am stable in that regard. I feel half like the pdoc doesn't always listen to my experiences, only passively reports of them.

But I did just think of something....and I asked my wife to confirm, nowhere in the report or during the appointment did the pdoc assert my hallucinations were dissociative in nature. Which I am glad for; I know when I dissociate, I know what it feels like. And when I hallucinate, it's not at the same time. They're separate problems. Speaking of hallucinations...the medicine boxes started talking to me and saying they were poison....

So another 18 hours or so of sleeping I laid there in bed and thought to myself, wtf? Why me? ...

Anyways.. I talked to my psychologist/psych nurse today on the phone and he said he wants me back on Concerta but I have to ask my psychiatrist.

My mom wants me back on it too cuz the routine right now is her taking the pillows off of the window and letting the light in in the morning and walking out of the room to let me sleep until it gets dark after sleeping all night.

I just can't do any more stupid things this time and I should be fine.

I don't feel that depressed right now though. I haven't felt very depressed in a while.

I work tomorrow from 12-9pm. I'll have to buy energy drink or something.

Lol yea that thing is intense

Man I need 18 hours of sleep. Hand em over

I’m trying to figure out if it’s my meds making me fall asleep on the couch or just the fact I wake up at 430am every morning and wear myself out.

Probably both

Morning

Have anxiety

Dont feel too good and my dad is already bitxhing at me for things

I hope the anxiety goes away. I slept well and feel almost well today. The cough will get worse though, I fear. Just have to keep taking my lozenges.

I hope everyone is ok.

My freaking eyelid won't stop twitching since yesterday

I'm glad to be going to work. I hope it distracts me.