Roll Call 144

newtus · Mar 17, 2019, 06:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Erti

i say if he's not willing to put an effort in helping the relationship then what's the point of moving in together? In exchange for helping out more maybe he can agree to try couples counseling?

Hes put in some effort but i feel like not his full self. I think he feels like if hes working and paying most of the bills that should be enough. But its not enough for me. Idk what he thinks idk. Which hurts me.

I will ty asking him again.

Erti · Mar 17, 2019, 06:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

I am not schizophrenic. I am weak. I live in a cell of a life. I'm stopping my injection. The army guys on tinychat told me to kill myself and that they are schizophrenic and can deal with it and I'm worth nothing because I take the injection. They say I have no emotions and it's like talking to a wall because of the xanax and the invega injection. They say I'm attractive and need to **** women and have children to take care of me when I'm old and be a real man and that I'm liberal and it's bad to be a hippy and America is the greatest country on earth and will take over the world. That I'm a sad individual and I'm being brainwashed by doctors and psychiatrists and I'm a victim of the medical system and need to be sober and do push ups when ever someone tells me to and that I can't do meaningless work which I have to and have to be bullied by higher authorities in society to make it up the economic ladder and that I should join the army and it will knock some sense into me and everyone has psychosis.

I fully believe this even though I don't. But I have to believe it because we talked for 3 hours and they helped me more than anyone ever has.

I'm going to flush my xanax and be sober. I will go to the gym and go on hikes and that I'm a zombie. Apparently it's important to have a girlfriend to hold and bla bla bla

I will live life without mental illness because everyone has mental illness of some sort. I'm stopping my seroquel.

This will be my last post on here because mental health is all I seem to know and obsess about and I need to unplug. But I have two perspectives and I'm brainwashed in both ways. I don't know what to do. I feel bad because everyone expect expectations from me so I should just work and get off disability and eventually kill myself because that's how the world works. That's how the fittest survive.

My mental health has never been this bad and it's only going to get worse. I should be in the hospital but I don't care because the hospital is for weak people I'm told and I want to live a good life. Screw my empathy it gets me no where i might as well do coke and throw my life away.

sounds like this guy is a troll... you don't seriously believe that do you? You've been working so hard. Don't throw it all away. you can do it tweaky. I have faith in you. you come so far. Don't give up... don't throw your life away because some douche bag on the internet said so. you don't need a girlfriend to be happy. you need a support system to help you through this troublesome times. isolating yourself is only going to make it worse. please don't. If you're feeling suicidal please consider a suicide hotline, call your therapist, or going to a hospital if you feel like it's that bad.

Erti · Mar 17, 2019, 06:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

Hes put in some effort but i feel like not his full self. I think he feels like if hes working and paying most of the bills that should be enough. But its not enough for me. Idk what he thinks idk. Which hurts me.

I will ty asking him again.

well ask him again until he says yes. he'll come around once you agreed to help out more around the apartment. Do you have a therapist? if so maybe you can ask him to come into therapy with you.

Blue_Bird · Mar 17, 2019, 06:56 AM

I agree with Erti, Tweaky. That sounds like a troll, they're all over the internet. You're not weak in any way, you've been through so much and work so hard. Please stick around here. The hospital isn't for weak people, seek help, you deserve to be happy

newtus · Mar 17, 2019, 07:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Erti

well ask him again until he says yes. he'll come around once you agreed to help out more around the apartment. Do you have a therapist? if so maybe you can ask him to come into therapy with you.

I dont want to berate him into saying yes.

and i do have a therapist but i dont think i can have him come in. The state workforce is paying for my therapy and prob wont pay for that.

Erti · Mar 17, 2019, 07:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

I dont want to berate him into saying yes.

and i do have a therapist but i dont think i can have him come in. The state workforce is paying for my therapy and prob wont pay for that.

Ask your therapist about it. tell them about issues at home. maybe they have a better suggestion.

Blue_Bird · Mar 17, 2019, 07:13 AM

It's snowing, looks like a blizzard outside

Erti · Mar 17, 2019, 07:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

It's snowing, looks like a blizzard outside

so close to spring yet so far away D:

Findingreason · Mar 17, 2019, 07:19 AM

Spring is a far away dream...lol. It looks like the snow cone machine broke here above the city lol It's a slushy mess here

Erti · Mar 17, 2019, 07:24 AM

yeah... it's cold as **** in this house and my mom is wanting me to turn off the heat. ffffuuuuu

Blue_Bird · Mar 17, 2019, 07:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Erti

yeah... it's cold as **** in this house and my mom is wanting me to turn off the heat. ffffuuuuu

I turned off the heat the other day because it was 55 degrees outside then I woke up this morning freezing because it's about 25 degrees out now

Erti · Mar 17, 2019, 07:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I turned off the heat the other day because it was 55 degrees outside then I woke up this morning freezing because it's about 25 degrees out now

it's 22 degrees here so not much colder than y'all.

Desoxyn · Mar 17, 2019, 07:33 AM

I reached out to one random person on a drug chat

1) taper off xanax
2) stop talking to tinychat people
3) if you know that a delusion is a delusion then thats good
4) its not important to have a girlfriend, focus on yourself first
5) ignore the social pressures

That helped a bit.

I'm probably going to get moderated for not putting triggers but I really don't give a ****

Desoxyn · Mar 17, 2019, 07:40 AM

Omg it's almost 6am wtf..

I endured 3 hours of trolling. But why would someone troll someone with schizophrenia? I don't believe it was trolling. These soldiers believed in what they were saying. **** them.

I sense an instability in mental health coming soon. I still want to stop the injection and I feel weak. This must be a delusion.

I'm sorry if I'm taking up all the space here on roll call but I need ... I don't know what I need. People laughed when I don't know what I want.

I said I'm asexual because of the meds and then they said "You're not a woman, transgender" etc. HOW ARE PEOPLE SO STUPID AND UNEDUCATED.

I'M SICK OF PEOPLE AND PEOPLE CONTROLLING ME AND THINKING THAT THEY ARE SMARTER THAN ME. I AM LOSING IQ POINTS BECAUSE OF THE IGNORANCE IN SOCIETY. Adults are so stupid.

Erti · Mar 17, 2019, 07:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

Omg it's almost 6am wtf..

I endured 3 hours of trolling. But why would someone troll someone with schizophrenia? I don't believe it was trolling. These soldiers believed in what they were saying. **** them.

I sense an instability in mental health coming soon. I still want to stop the injection and I feel weak. This must be a delusion.

I'm sorry if I'm taking up all the space here on roll call but I need ... I don't know what I need. People laughed when I don't know what I want.

I said I'm asexual because of the meds and then they said "You're not a woman, transgender" etc. HOW ARE PEOPLE SO STUPID AND UNEDUCATED.

I'M SICK OF PEOPLE AND PEOPLE CONTROLLING ME AND THINKING THAT THEY ARE SMARTER THAN ME. I AM LOSING IQ POINTS BECAUSE OF THE IGNORANCE IN SOCIETY. Adults are so stupid.

people suck point blank. some people are bored with their lives and get up saying "i'm going to **** up someones day today for my amusement."

Blue_Bird · Mar 17, 2019, 07:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

Omg it's almost 6am wtf..

I endured 3 hours of trolling. But why would someone troll someone with schizophrenia? I don't believe it was trolling. These soldiers believed in what they were saying. **** them.

I sense an instability in mental health coming soon. I still want to stop the injection and I feel weak. This must be a delusion.

I'm sorry if I'm taking up all the space here on roll call but I need ... I don't know what I need. People laughed when I don't know what I want.

I said I'm asexual because of the meds and then they said "You're not a woman, transgender" etc. HOW ARE PEOPLE SO STUPID AND UNEDUCATED.

I'M SICK OF PEOPLE AND PEOPLE CONTROLLING ME AND THINKING THAT THEY ARE SMARTER THAN ME. I AM LOSING IQ POINTS BECAUSE OF THE IGNORANCE IN SOCIETY. Adults are so stupid.

I've had someone on a site maybe 10 years ago send me a bunch of messages telling me to

Possible trigger:

kill myself and I was a failure, etc

they knew I was dealing with mental health issues. As for why someone would troll someone with Schizophrenia, there are tons of assholes and terrible people that do that all the time, because that's what they do, doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you or that they're right. People who say things like that are the ****ed up ones, not anyone who struggles with mental illness. It's easy to feel like they're right when you're struggling, it just adds fuel to the fire. No one needs to hear those kinds of things, especially someone who is already hurting mentally.

ofthevalley · Mar 17, 2019, 07:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

Omg it's almost 6am wtf..

I endured 3 hours of trolling. But why would someone troll someone with schizophrenia? I don't believe it was trolling. These soldiers believed in what they were saying. **** them.

I sense an instability in mental health coming soon. I still want to stop the injection and I feel weak. This must be a delusion.

I'm sorry if I'm taking up all the space here on roll call but I need ... I don't know what I need. People laughed when I don't know what I want.

I said I'm asexual because of the meds and then they said "You're not a woman, transgender" etc. HOW ARE PEOPLE SO STUPID AND UNEDUCATED.

I'M SICK OF PEOPLE AND PEOPLE CONTROLLING ME AND THINKING THAT THEY ARE SMARTER THAN ME. I AM LOSING IQ POINTS BECAUSE OF THE IGNORANCE IN SOCIETY. Adults are so stupid.

Unfortunately there are a lot of ****** people that get their rocks off attacking others.
Stay away from them if you can. They are not your friends, they do not know more...they are assholes.

Blue_Bird · Mar 17, 2019, 08:39 AM

cleaned the kitchen

ofthevalley · Mar 17, 2019, 08:59 AM

Morning! Happy Sunday.
Everyone is going back to real life tomorrow. I’m going to miss hubby. It’s been nice having him home despite the circumstances.
Kinda wish I had something to do today. I’m restless but really have nothing to do. Well I do have laundry...there is always laundry.
Surgery Thursday. My kids are stressing out about it. Tried to explain that I wouldn’t even be all the way knocked out because it’s an in and out procedure but they aren’t listening. They are like canceling weekend plans in case I need them

. They are so sweet.

Angelique67 · Mar 17, 2019, 09:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

He says for one that hes not gonna pay for it. And i dont think he wants me to pay for it either cuz the expense. Plus i think he thinks its stupid.

It just really sucks. We have so much to talk about and its just he doesnt wanna sit down and talk about it. It hurts me so much. I have to beg him to talk to me a lot and he huffs and puffs about laying down on the bed and talking.

It really hurts me.

I'm sorry you're going through a rocky time right now. I hope things get better soon.

newtus · Mar 17, 2019, 09:08 AM

Thank you Angelique

I hope u are feeling better today

newtus · Mar 17, 2019, 09:08 AM

Im tempted to start drinking. But its just now 9am.

I just want to go away.

ofthevalley · Mar 17, 2019, 09:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

Im tempted to start drinking. But its just now 9am.

I just want to go away.

Meh...I started smoking at 8!

Angelique67 · Mar 17, 2019, 09:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtus

Im tempted to start drinking. But its just now 9am.

I just want to go away.

That sounds like a good idea. Texas must be full of day trip locations. Why not go to a tourist attraction town and just spend a couple of hours window shopping and taking a break from stress? If I had a car and my freedom, that's what I would do.

Desoxyn · Mar 17, 2019, 09:29 AM

I've been awake for 24 hours and all my muscles hurt but i have to study noooooo i will take a short lay down tiredness think before I start the day again.

I usually get over things that people say to me in 2 hours and it's been 2 hours so I feel better now..

I went back on camera and talked nonsense to them and their stupid decision to go to war and talk about killing people for fun..

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