Roll Call 144

Last one reached 100 pages

Thanks Falcon

I was going to hang out with my friend today but it's too cold/windy outside so we'll try for next Monday

Thanks falcon!

Thanks falcon.

We are having 60 - 70 mph gusts too. I don’t think they are that high yet but by tonight.
Finished work. I’m laying down. I should eat something but I’m so cold I don’t want to get up. Kinda tired too.
Finally after 3 years of working for this guy I just set up ach payments lol. Don’t know what I’ve been waiting for.

Yay finished an assignment

Thanks Falcon!

Wowza! All you can hear is the wind whipping! I can feel it too...not the best insulation/windows in a 250 yr old house. Brrrr!
Watched part of Abducted In Plain Sight. So messed up on so many levels.
Oy. My son just left with boxing gloves and a mouth guard. Boys!

Hi everybody, I always notice patterns in numbers and I think there are good numbers and bad numbers depending on lots of variables. Like the date 1-9-19 is good because it's repetitive, but today's date 2-25-19 is bad because there's no reason for it. So like more likely something bad will happen on today's date than 1-9-19 for example. Do you guys this this is more OCD or paranoia or psychosis? I don't have an OCD DX but my former T said I had traits of OCD. I do spend some portion of my day analyzing the time and determining if it is a good time or a bad time, or license plate numbers, etc. Just wondering if anyone else does that? Kit

Yesterday during a sort of lecture, the person speaking make some comments about hallucinations and people with schizophrenia and the other people in the audience laughed, but I didn't think it was funny at all. It really bothers me, even today. It wasn't really like a discussion so I couldn't bring up my discomfort but it's bugging me. Kit

Yes. I rarely find commentary on hallucination and/or sz/sea humorous. Just like the stupid bi-polar memes that are all over the place.
It’s insensitive and rude.

I got my laundry put on the drying rack. I ate dinner. I am trying to get things done.

My motivation for the week is kinda weak. Not really wanting to go to band, but I shall go. I just need to keep my eyes on the goal. Each day is a part of a collective picture. A glass mosaic. Some shiny pieces. Some dull pieces. Some sharp. Some colourful. But today create the bigger picture. Once someone that works with glass told me she has built some sort of trust with her glass work. She seldom gets cut. Perhaps I should see it that way building this mosaic that is my life. Build it carefully and with trust and it will be beautiful.

That's Beautiful Finding Reason.

Seriously...my kid just text me to pick him up from the complete opposite end of town and then drive him and his friend all the way back this end and then two towns away. It’s almost an 1 & 1/2 hour round trip ride. Then go back and pick him up “later”.
Thankfully my husband agreed to go get them and bring them. I told him I’d pick him up at 8. No later. Don’t like it you can come back home with dad.
I really do not feel like leaving the house. Its super cold with crazy winds. Blah.

Entities take over my trippy mind. They make me say things. Beautiful things. Sometimes not beautiful things. Dark things.

But that's what life is. We get ups and downs. Mine may not be as intense as bipolar.. but it seems that way..

I woke up late today and took another Ativan last night. I'm going to tell my doctor about this tomorrow and he'll give me some insight.

Hey everyone. I see my psychologist next week at 6pm. I just wish he could help me more, but I don't think there is a better way to deal with my problems.
trigger for SI's

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way DT. I hope talking with your psychologist can help.

My job counselor called me. Then the therapist called me. I go see the new T on the 14th!!!

Problem is you’ve got people who care about you here....I’m not sure how you view the afterlife but almost all of the religions look poorly on sui.....what if it’s the beginning of eternal pain rather than the end of it.

It sounds like you really click with this T moreso than others I can only hope it helps. What exactly are you experiencing as a nightmare right now?

That’s great!

I talked with a few people last night. They were tripping. One looked up to me and said I was a wise soul. I find trippers very cute and innocent to the world as their state of mind can be shattered with a single bad thought.

I told them that I'm not perfect. Some people hate me at times for what I say. I think in black and white.

How do people look on the bright side? It has to come at unexpected times. The dark side comes at unexpected times. It always changes. When I'm in a bad moment, I'm convinced that it will last forever. And it's proof that in good times, the good times are fake. Love is fake. life is fake.

But there's things that keep people going. They hold onto beliefs and want to hear them confirmed by others. I have to believe in myself as my state of mind is no worse or better than anyone else's.

Many dark things have happened to me. All lyrics in songs speak to people. Pictures, sounds, feelings. Overcoming suffering is the purpose of suffering. Life is suffering. Overcoming it and seeing the other side as it shines through. I can chose to ignore it as well but ignoring doesn't make things go away. So many thoughts and what should I do with them? I want to learn everything and not sleep.

I'm not big on religion. I'm just an hopeful agnostic. I don't believe in sin, I believe in ignorance, and how determinate our chemistry is in our day to day lives.

I feel great finally but I've been hearing things, I feel like a freak for it. Not sure why, I should be used to it by now. Half my life spirits have bothered/followed me.

My poor mom and was awake at 2am making tea. I gave her an Ativan because she ran out and couldn't sleep..

I'm trying not to fall back asleep. The battery charger only charges one battery at a time so I'm hoping the one in the charger is done by 11:00. Then I can charge the other one until about 12:50.

My kidneys hurt. I don't know why. I wish I could go out to ride my bike. The seat is currently too high for me. It's one of my few good memories of my last attempts to live in Chicago.

I haven't heard anything about my mother this morning. Hope she's getting on all right at the nursing home.

I hope everyone is ok.

In the college library. Don't have class till 1:30 (2 hours away). Just figured I'd come early so I wouldn't fall back asleep at home. Brought coffee with me since it's very cold out today