Roll Call 145

It's good that you have a family member that is trustworthy. It feels nice you have family that validates your feelings and stuff. There's only so much we can do for you online.. also talk to your wife too. she seems understanding. talk to your therapist too. get it out... keep a journal...

did you ever go to Rape & Sexual Abuse Survivor Message Board, Online Support & Chat Room ? it have information for sexual assault survivors and information for LGBT survivors. There's also a forum you can join... i'm also on there... I have the same name on it as on here. it's takes time to join because you need to be accepted before you join. it's safe and certain part of the board is privet so no one can look you up.

Yeah, she may be the only one I can share with right now. Not ready for anyone else...I still don't feel valid though.

I haven't. I can look into it...

it's totally valid feelings. don't let anyone tell you differently. Sometimes people who went through sexual violence don't feel validated because it "wasn't that bad". i'm here to tell you it is that bad. no one should cross your boundaries and no one should make you feel like it wasn't "that bad". you're obviously in distress. It's going to take time. It's hard i know. I even told my therapist i didn't want to work on my PTSD because it's hard to open up out loud about it... even my best friend doesn't know the extent my abuse was and neither did my ex when i was with him. it's difficult... i have nightmares and flashbacks from it... I'm only telling you about my abuse just to tell you i can relate. it's something we both need to work on... i'll open up and we can ride this journey together... with me, you, and our friends at Psych Central. you're not alone.

Thanks Erti...I appreciate that. I really do. <3 This is hard, very hard not gonna lie. Should we use trigger brackets? this is some pretty tough stuff...

I think we're fine... we're not going into detail about the abuse.

I know this is weird but I think i kinda like feeling hungry.

Omg I'm so tired i think it's the energy drink.. caffeine makes me sleepy.. and I sleep on the vyvanse.. I am one tired mofo

Yeah be careful. Eating disorders suck. Trust me.

I second this Erti

I don't deserve to eat... i deserve to die.

I third this.

Omg worked TEN yes 10 hours today. I am exhausted. Just sitting down relaxing now since I started my day at 7 am. I don’t even know if I’ll make my 9:30 bedtime lol.
Worked, made dinner, ate...now nothing!
My son is pretty sick. He’s come down for the bathroom twice. I’ve been leaving fresh cold bottles of Gatorade at his door every hour or so since 6. He’s only taken 3 and a couple glasses of water. No food. Ugh. Poor kid.

Meeting with therapist went well. He said I was definitely doing worse than last time I saw him and we discussed some coping skills I could use.

Meeting with psychiatrist also went well. He added 3 new meds. Haldol for psychosis, cogentin for haldol side effects, and Xanax to replace my klonopin because it was no longer working.

I have an appointment with him next week, hoping my psychosis is cleared up then.

Sounds like a good game plan.
So proud of you for advocating for yourself.

Good falcon!!! Hugs!

I've been feeling numb'r than usual lately, disinterested in life completely.

I'm high, staring at the ceiling. Sending my love what a wonderful feeling.

Nah I'm not high. But I'm sending my love. I wish I could get high on marijuana. I can imagine how creative and happy I would be. It's not fair. Fack my grey matter deterioration gene.

I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do anymore. But eventually I will know.

Psychosis stops with age right? Right..

It's safe

Maybe it's just all the thoughts in my head. About what to do. Not knowing what to do. What is "to do?". Who knows. No one knows.

I'll wake up one day and realize that it was all just a dream.

Good morning

It’s Friday! It’s Friday!!! Woot
My son is still sick . Probably going to have to bring him to the doctor. Thankfully it’s not the flu. I’d never hear the end of it from our pedi. Maybe strep his throats been hurting 2 days.
Gotta run to the bank and the store for more drinks. Also have to pay for my daughters braces. oh and see my guy.
Other than that just working and cooking today. Hopefully it’s not quite as busy as yesterday.
I woke up in the middle of the night...I das sometime during the night stacked my ice packs up on my husbands side of the bed and threw all my pillows accross the room. I woke up all a mess lol.

Hey, how's everyone?

I feel much better than last night thankfully.