Roll Call 145

Erti · Mar 27, 2019, 08:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Day Tripper

Hi everyone. Dry walled a basement today. My coworker must have said "Slow down" 10 times to me while I worked. I didn't make a mistake so I don't understand why he kept saying this. I just like to get things done.

I'm just hanging with my cat tonight. Glad tomorrow is Thursday. I live for the weekends for now.

haha maybe you're manic too?

Sometimes psychotic · Mar 27, 2019, 08:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by falcon09

Every time I close my eyes to sleep I get barraged by voices and my thoughts wrapping around each other. Any idea what I could do?

Leave the lights on.....

Desoxyn · Mar 27, 2019, 08:31 PM

Tomorrow I have to identify skulls and see whether they are Gorilla, Australopithecus africanus, Australopithecus boisei, Homo erectus, Homo neandertal, Homo sapiens sapiens, Pan troglodytes

Erti · Mar 27, 2019, 08:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

Tomorrow I have to identify skulls and see whether they are Gorilla, Australopithecus africanus, Australopithecus boisei, Homo erectus, Homo neandertal, Homo sapiens sapiens, Pan troglodytes

sounds difficult

Desoxyn · Mar 27, 2019, 08:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Erti

sounds difficult

Yeah it is. Later I'm gonna stop lounging around and study cuz this is how you identify the skulls..

skull
size, weight
brow ridges
sagittal crest
forehead—sloped or vertical
cranial capacity
sutures
dentition
jaw—prognathism
chin—prominent or receding
dental arcade—shape
canines—prominence
size of front vs. back teeth
posture—bipedalism
location of foramen magnum

+ I have to finish my essay on evolution

falcon09 · Mar 27, 2019, 08:44 PM

i am going to my grandmothers again, until my appointment tomorrow. Just don't feel safe alone

Desoxyn · Mar 27, 2019, 09:58 PM

Idk if I feel depressed but I feel like.. a deep sadness.. My mom went to a dinner with her friends and she invited me but I didn't want to go.. now I feel alone.. I missed going skiing today because I'm sick.. But I'll go tomorrow after my morning class and energy drink!

Desoxyn · Mar 27, 2019, 10:00 PM

I feel really afraid when I'm alone in a house or room. I need someone there around me in another room doing something, anything.. just existing so I don't feel alone.. Because I don't trust my thoughts.. I need constant reassurance about what is real..

Erti · Mar 27, 2019, 10:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

I feel really afraid when I'm alone in a house or room. I need someone there around me in another room doing something, anything.. just existing so I don't feel alone.. Because I don't trust my thoughts.. I need constant reassurance about what is real..

hey if you want we can video chat. I wont bite i promise.

Desoxyn · Mar 27, 2019, 10:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Erti

hey if you want we can video chat. I wont bite i promise.

I'm staying away from video chats for a while and just sticking to writing.

It's like I have a bad memory or something when I talk.. disorganized and forget what I'm saying immediately.. yet my train of thought goes on constantly in my wake and dreams.. I forget about the previous word and just continue.. continue in thoughts.. that's why I can write them down.. Cuz I don't have to remember..

Erti · Mar 27, 2019, 10:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

I'm staying away from video chats for a while and just sticking to writing.

It's like I have a bad memory or something when I talk.. disorganized and forget what I'm saying immediately.. yet my train of thought goes on constantly in my wake and dreams.. I forget about the previous word and just continue.. continue in thoughts.. that's why I can write them down.. Cuz I don't have to remember..

that's apart of disorganized schizophrenia for you. HUGS

I hope you can get your thoughts together.

Erti · Mar 27, 2019, 10:32 PM

Desoxyn · Mar 27, 2019, 10:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Erti

that's apart of disorganized schizophrenia for you. HUGS

I hope you can get your thoughts together.

My thoughts were pretty organized on Invega + 10mg Zyprexa but I don't like too much antipsychotic.. as you know.. Like I want zero antipsychotic even though it's bad for me.. On Abilify my thoughts were so scrambled in group therapy that they were going to kick me out of the program o.o

Erti · Mar 27, 2019, 10:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

My thoughts were pretty organized on Invega + 10mg Zyprexa but I don't like too much antipsychotic.. as you know.. Like I want zero antipsychotic even though it's bad for me.. On Abilify my thoughts were so scrambled in group therapy that they were going to kick me out of the program o.o

lol why would they kick you out for that? Maybe you need the Invega and Zyprexa.

Desoxyn · Mar 27, 2019, 10:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Erti

lol why would they kick you out for that? Maybe you need the Invega and Zyprexa.

I think they meant that they would have sent me back to the acute psychiatric ward if the Invega and Zyprexa didn't work.

Maybe I need Zyprexa again instead of seroquel but then they will take my vyvanse away..

I think I'm ok the way I am. I can write. Some weird writing gift.. I will try to write my essay later.. Teacher was impressed with my ideas..

"Hi, Your ideas are really interesting, and so is your excitement. However, there are problems with this as a Reading Reflection.
The topic of evolution (vs. creation) is best covered in (next week). You are also dealing with race, but the bulk of your paper is on evolution.
Next week, you can make use of assigned readings, a requirement for Reading Reflections. You can use other readings as well, but must use assigned readings.
References must be in APA format. The Guide to References in Course Details provides examples of websites (e.g. for your "references" above), and there are other examples among the assigned readings.
When something is in a list of references, it must actually be referred to in the paper. There are many statements in your paper that seem to have come from outside sources. They must be cited.
Great ideas (repeat!) are strung together rather haphazardly. I note that the original name of your file is "unfinished"; here is your chance to finish it!"

Desoxyn · Mar 27, 2019, 10:47 PM

I need to stop smoking but I can't and I'll get cancer

I quit before but right now I'm stressed and stuff.. a few months ago my mental health was much better..

Erti · Mar 27, 2019, 10:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

I think they meant that they would have sent me back to the acute psychiatric ward if the Invega and Zyprexa didn't work.

Maybe I need Zyprexa again instead of seroquel but then they will take my vyvanse away..

I think I'm ok the way I am. I can write. Some weird writing gift.. I will try to write my essay later.. Teacher was impressed with my ideas..

"Hi, Your ideas are really interesting, and so is your excitement. However, there are problems with this as a Reading Reflection.
The topic of evolution (vs. creation) is best covered in (next week). You are also dealing with race, but the bulk of your paper is on evolution.
Next week, you can make use of assigned readings, a requirement for Reading Reflections. You can use other readings as well, but must use assigned readings.
References must be in APA format. The Guide to References in Course Details provides examples of websites (e.g. for your "references" above), and there are other examples among the assigned readings.
When something is in a list of references, it must actually be referred to in the paper. There are many statements in your paper that seem to have come from outside sources. They must be cited.
Great ideas (repeat!) are strung together rather haphazardly. I note that the original name of your file is "unfinished"; here is your chance to finish it!"

that's cool. i suck at writing. i rather do math. i like to think of math as a puzzle that needs solving...

ugh mom's watching paranormal shows. Hermes says i can fly... demons are surrounding me and telling me they want to live again... they want my blood... blood suckers. **** them **** them real hard.

Erti · Mar 27, 2019, 10:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

I need to stop smoking but I can't and I'll get cancer

I quit before but right now I'm stressed and stuff.. a few months ago my mental health was much better..

Desoxyn · Mar 27, 2019, 10:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Erti

that's cool. i suck at writing. i rather do math. i like to think of math as a puzzle that needs solving...

ugh mom's watching paranormal shows. Hermes says i can fly... demons are surrounding me and telling me they want to live again... they want my blood... blood suckers. **** them **** them real hard.

I was really bad at english when I was a kid but I was so good at math that I passed and even skipped a grade when I moved to Canada. Now my left and right brain has switched.. I'm more right brain now instead of left brain..

Ignore the demons. It's likely that this is our only life and paranormal things don't exist.. but everything happens for a reason.. My psychologist/psych nurse tried to talk sense into me but it seems like psychosis and manic psychosis has a missing piece attached to it.. delusions of grandeur.. disturbing thoughts.. trauma can do this.. I can't handle even low grade trauma for some reason probably because of obsessive thinking idk..

Erti · Mar 27, 2019, 11:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

I was really bad at english when I was a kid but I was so good at math that I passed and even skipped a grade when I moved to Canada. Now my left and right brain has switched.. I'm more right brain now instead of left brain..

Ignore the demons. It's likely that this is our only life and paranormal things don't exist.. but everything happens for a reason.. My psychologist/psych nurse tried to talk sense into me but it seems like psychosis and manic psychosis has a missing piece attached to it.. delusions of grandeur.. disturbing thoughts.. trauma can do this.. I can't handle even low grade trauma for some reason probably because of obsessive thinking idk..

ah... I'm not sure if i'm left or right brain... I'm good at art and people say i'm very creative but i'm also good at math. idk

Demons are real... it's not psychosis. it's real... I'm not undifferentiated schizophrenic. that's what they say. I don't agree with it. the dead talk to me... demons talk to me. they want my blood... i want to give them my blood.

they can live again.

Desoxyn · Mar 27, 2019, 11:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Erti

ah... I'm not sure if i'm left or right brain... I'm good at art and people say i'm very creative but i'm also good at math. idk

Demons are real... it's not psychosis. it's real... I'm not undifferentiated schizophrenic. that's what they say. I don't agree with it. the dead talk to me... demons talk to me. they want my blood... i want to give them my blood.

they can live again.

Maybe you need more antipsychotic.. but not 30mg-40mg haldol that's too much... clozapine..

But I know how it feels when it seems real and people tell me to take antipsychotics.. so I get that.. Just saying I know how you feel.. Like a bad shroom trip... But you learn from it.. just not all at once like this.. it's hard to read books about folklore and demons in this state but when you're not, it would be ... soz I have to go my mom's drunk..

Erti · Mar 27, 2019, 11:34 PM

i like the geodon... it suppresses my hunger and make me lose weight. Clozapine is known to gain weight. no way i'm going on haldol again.

ok... hope your mother is alright. <3

Desoxyn · Mar 28, 2019, 12:06 AM

Possible trigger:

My mom needs to learn to stop drinking. She took her heart medication but I feel like that's not enough and she's going to go into heart arrythmias.

My sister is being mean to her and now my mom is crying. My sister says it's my mom's fault for having a bad knee because she went skiing anyways when the doctor told her not to. I said skiing is fun but then my sister said that then she can't go skiing in the future because she messed up her knee even worse.. fair enough.

My mom says "My daughter hates me". It's my mom's fault for getting drunk so I can't help her and feel sorry for her and her bad life decisions that she's lonely and doesn't have a man because her children aren't enough for her. She put "Her man" first before her children.

My sister is very smart. I don't know how she thinks the way she does but it's not the way that I think. My sister is very responsible and I'm not. My mom isn't responsible when she's drunk. She still takes her heart medication after she goes skiing and says "If I die, I died on the ski hill happy" like wtf? I don't understand this life..

My mom wanted her CBD oil that she brought in the door and I took it back to the car and went with my sister to get tissues. She was calling me to bring it back. I came in the door and she said "Did I bring my CBD oil back?" and I said no.. She didn't even remember that I put it in the car.. I said that it would make her heart beat fast but she doesn't care.

This is really sad and my mom is like a happy severely depressed inside person and it doesn't make sense to me.

Edit: She went to bed and my sister and I gave her hugs and she was still crying saying she has a heart condition and her boss doesn't care and the doctors don't care because she's non-compliant and one day she's going to die and she wants to plan a holiday now but she can't.

I asked my mom is she going to be ok in her sleep because she drank another glass of wine, took an ativan and then started drinking the wine again so I poured the wine down the drain. She said she'll be fine.

Erti · Mar 28, 2019, 12:16 AM

i'm sorry to hear you're mom is having trouble and it's effecting her kids. you mom needs to see a therapist and get to the root of the problem and why she drinks so much. i'm sorry. i know how it feels to have family who are depended on alcohol and drugs. they've made poor decisions and put drugs and alcohol over their family. I can see how you'd feel betrayed by your mom who seems to put her "man" before her own children. that's gotta hurt you and your sister.

Desoxyn · Mar 28, 2019, 12:21 AM

I put that post in the addictions forum and wrote a bit more about it...;

"She's going to go skiing with my sister in the morning. I'm going to study tonight and then go to class in the morning.

I feel like this is my fault but really some things are her fault for allowing my sociopathic narcissistic abusive step dad to be in my life. I allowed everything to happen. I did so many drugs to try and make myself stupid and unaware of my own life, throwing it away, getting hospitalized like 15 times. My mom had to deal with that too and I'm sorry for that but she needs to stop drinking and she's going to drink again.

She says she doesn't want to drink and she'll stop but she drinks a bottle of wine every night or more.

She WONT admit that she has a problem so I can't get her professional help. When she's sober, she has it all together like no one else. She's a completely different person when she's drunk just like my alcoholic real dad that I love very much but he's going to die soon and doesn't care if he dies soon."

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