Roll Call 151

Looking at crafts on Pinterest

kinda depressed

Very emotional day today. My mom found out that she was positive for breast cancer this morning. It's an aggressive cancer. There's legs growing out of the lump to supply it with nutrients and she's really tired and drunk. Everyone in the house was crying including me.

My sister, her bf and my moms bf went to go get chinese food. My mom went to bed.

If my mom's breast cancer is genetic then my sister will have to get tested. The 23andme said that I could possibly have Lynch syndrome so I'll get myself properly checked as well.

I said that I would quit smoking but my moms bf said to finish the how to stop smoking book before I quit so it will work so I bought a pack. I feel like an idiot for smoking but it is very addictive. I'm halfway through finishing the book.

Love to all struggling <3

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom Tweaky

I had a very bad day today. We power washed this house twice and painted it 5 times, and my boss said we need to paint the entire house again, because of surfactant leaching, and a white film that keeps coming to the surface. It would be one thing if this was a small house, but this is a giant f'n house where we need 40ft ladders and some intense roof work. If at 5 coats it doesn't work, I asked the owner of the company "well what if it doesn't cover in 6 coats?" I say we walk away.

I'm so sorry tweaky

Tweaky, that's devastating. My grandmother had breast cancer but the chemo and surgery stopped it for good. ((hugs))

When's the best time to take a warm bath for better sleep?

This for your sleep DT......

Jesus @Desoxyn. I’m so so sorry to hear about your mom.
tons of love and positive mojo for you both!

Also...**** cancer

This is pretty solid. I notice when a take a very, very hot shower my nerves settle a bit.

I don’t want one either.
I’ve told the kids and husband they can do what they want as far as viewing me etc.
But I do not want a public service of any kind.
What I’d like is to be cremated immediately and they can do w/the ashes as they see fit. Then I’d like a immediate family (including bestest) ONLY at a private ceremony...hopefully planting a tree.
Screw everyone else. Visit me while I can still accept or deny you.

The reason that a hot bath or shower works is because it cools your core body temperature once the heat escapes faster so you cooler which makes you fall asleep.

I want a public viewing of my body. I don't want to be cremated, only buried. As that goes in line with my religion, christianity.

I want everyone to mourn and see what they missed while I was alive.

But I doubt any of that will happen. I dont even think people would come.

Deep down I'm just really pissed off at people not caring about me my whole life.

Well it’s insanely expensive to die.
We just filed away all the funeral crap from my father-in-law. It was just over 12 thousand to cremate him, have a showing, then the service at the cemetery, cars to transport us all, and a nice dinner/cocktails thing.
Plus we paid cash for food at the showing, flowers, tips, etc.
luckily he was a veteran so the stone was paid for or that would have been like another grand.
It’s ridiculous.
Even my moms was around 8k all said and done. And that was omitting a cemetery service. We had a tree planting ceremony at home with immediate family only.

This is why I say I can’t even afford to die lol in that sad kinda way.

Theres a good documentary about that.

I think it's called Living & Dying in America. Or something or the other. It's about how much death costs.

I don't know what to do. I have no plans for the future, just exercising my mind. Now I can't even do that because if my mom dies, I have no idea what my life will be like. Maybe I'll have to go to work or move. My dad doesn't have a house. He just goes places when he's off work for a few weeks.

He said he would buy a house. But then how long is he going to live.. a few years?

My mom said that today she just needed to process everything but now she's ready to fight the cancer. She's always been my caregiver. Now I'm hers at an instant and need to be strong for her. I said that I would be strong but she was crying because she doesn't know how I'm going to survive without her.

My mom will always be with me even after she dies. That will keep me strong.

Need to start taking Zantac again, the silent gerd is acting up a lot recently

We take Omeprazole every night. Prescribed from the doctor. Not OTC.

My doctor prescribes the Ranitidine (generic Zantac) for me even though it's available OTC because it works for me and my insurance covers it and I'm on an extremely limited fixed income, I take 150mg in the morning and another at night

Ya, mine is prescribed because of insurance too. For most of the year my insurance covers meds 100%. I've been there since May.

took this pic on my walk

Nice bluebird

Going to The Cliff Walk with my daughter today. I’m pretty excited. We went out last night and bought lunch stuff and drinks so we can have a picnic at the beach. Not going to be too hot so we should be good.
Newport Cliff Walk - Wikipedia

ETA this is a better link
Newport, RI's Cliff Walk combines ocean views, mansions, and a rocky shore line into a 3.5 mile Federally listed Recreational Walk.

Only got 3 hours of sleep last night