Roll Call 152

I guess I will update about me:

I have some major things going on in my life.

1. My job. I start on monday. They cut my hours to 15/week so I can keep my disability. Which makes it easier on me because I dont wanna jump into 20 hours from not working at all. Even tho I gotta do 40 hours the first week but it's all training.

2. My certification for my job. Idk when that'll be but they said itll be a travel-trip. They didnt tell me where but my old pss said either in austin or Houston. I hope not Houston. I have yet to hear about it. I am under the impression I gotta do it in the first 90 days tho of the job. I read that somewhere. I could be wrong tho.

3. I'm moving. Or trying to. I applied to an apt complex.

4. My mental illness is getting worse. It's been bad for a couple of weeks. I think its stress from everything that's gonna be going on. I left a message with my doctor but we will see. I think I need 2.5 of haldol at night and idk maybe geodon in the morning. Idk. We will see what she says.

And just 1-3 are happening close to each other so I gotta try to time everything just right and it's really stressful.

Oh and my birthday is in a week and a half. Idec honestly. I mean I do, but I'm not even thinking about it much. I just have so much going on.

Organized some stuff in my apartment since stuff was all moved around from maintenance being here

I just looked up the dates for the trainings in the next 2 and a half months and it's not looking good.

If I go in September, its during the last week of September, so I would only have literally a couple of days to move into my apt.

But If I go in October, its gonna be when my mom is on vacation, so I'd have to goto austin or houston by myself.

And considering houston is a huge city like dallas and has more crime than dallas...idk. houston is like the ultimate place for women to be abducted or whatnot.

If you go by yourself just make sure to be safe. Don't go out by yourself at night, or around rough areas or places you're not familiar with, etc make sure your phone is on you charged. Etc that kind of stuff

This cough won't go away. I don't have any other symptoms, just the damn coughing.

I wish my friend was visiting. Maybe he'll come visit for my birthday. His friend who is now my friend too is keeping in touch everyday I think. She's so nice. I wish we all had a months vacation.

I want to stop one of my meds due to weight gain. I know if I do I'll barely sleep for a week though and be agitated as hell

I wonder if theres something similar to it? I was on haldol and quit it to go on geodon and I'm not sure if its holding its weight to the haldol. I seem slightly sick still. Well more than slightly but it's not horrible.

Maybe an increase in the geodon will help you?

I'm not sure, maybe I'll ask my doctor when I see them

Invega is making me fat

I'm looking up haunted places around here

WHEN WILL I COMPLETE THE 3 DAY WATER FAST I DON'T KNOWWW

I gave my friend an e-transfer of 30 dollars cuz he needs it

Idk we've already increased my geodon 2 times in the past 3 or 4 weeks.

I miss em

I will stop being fat

And then I will do things that will benefit my life.

But I'm addicted to phenibut. JunkDNA warned me but I CHOOSE to be addicted.

Oh god I'm too controversial I need to delete this message...

I'm sorry my inhibitions are zero cuz the phenibut

I keep posting impulsive replies to peoples posts on facebook

My therapist has recently started being emotional in my sessions ,as in crying and tearing up

I feel like he is doing this now because he knows I am a hopeless case

I've been working with him for 9 years .

Well personally I dont think addiction is that black and white to be whittled down to two options : a choice or not

In my opinion I find it's both. For me, realistically , it is a choice every time. Sure there are extreme driving factors,physiological ones at that, but it is a choice and it is also a disease. It's not either or for me . It's both

I speak for myself only in this post and have based it on my long term chronic addiction problems

Morning, slept well. Made some coffee. Going to enjoy the day since all the work in my apartment is finally done, have my place to myself for the first time this week

You're not a hopeless case Have you told your therapist about you feel about him being emotional in your sessions?

You aren’t hopeless. Not at all.
I think he cares deeply for you and maybe struggling along with you.
Honestly Junk I know you keep most of your personal stuff personal but when you do post you seem “better” to me than when I first joined.

No..not yet

Thank you =]

Raining today . We were supposed to go on helicopter tours but I’m not paying that kind of $$ to look at rain clouds.
My daughter zip lined at attitash yesterday (we all did but it’s a big deal for her). It was ****ing awesome. She is just like me...scared of everything and filled with anxiety. But she did it!!! So proud of her
I didn’t get any video though. My husband got videos of me and my son though.
This is Wildcat Mountain. We went to the top on the gondola while the guys were downhill mountain biking at Attitash.
IMG_2182.JPG

I was joking about the choice thing. I have a phenibut hangover. Threw up last night and now I feel sick. Meh.