Roll Call 156

I used to have a severe problem with agitation (Like really severe) when I was 16. I know it's normal for teens to be angry but I was over the top which is why the stupid doctor gave me a bottle of 120 klonopin.

Now I never get agitated. If any, very very little. Except two years ago at the end of my injection I went off at my sister and my mom and apparently had really bad pure obsessional OCD thoughts (The worst I've ever had).

So it could be autism but the antipsychotic seems to have cured that. They use risperidone for agitation in autism. Other than that, I'm completely normal. I don't like that my therapist tries to coerce me into thinking I don't have schizophrenia because she's fascinated by aspergers. I don't have enough symptoms to be considered having that. It's PDD-NOS.

I researched this and it says you can't be diagnosed with schizophrenia if you have autism - Only if you have PDD-NOS and have had hallucinations and such which I've had so it makes sense.

It feels like I'm the only one that is making sense and my therapist is jumping to conclusions. They're just labels but specific labels that can cause harm if used incorrectly and thrown around carelessly because they determine the type of medication and treatment. Medication can be good but I know that antipsychotics can cause damage and it has to be a very very careful process.

It's like I'm the only one that's being careful with this. I was never careful on the high dose Abilify because it made me extremely reckless and have zero insight to risk. Now I'm careful.

I used to think I might have Aspergers but I did the seeing the mind in the eyes test and it basically ruled that out. Have you ever taken that test it’s pretty conclusive.

"Your score was 26 out of 36"

It seemed pretty easy. Thought I would have had them all right but some emotions seemed similar.

I think I got like 32 or 34 it was higher than average so I’m definitely not autistic....but it doesn’t sound like you are either....

When I look at the different eyes, I get a high emotional reaction and then I look at the words.. Although I was never good at multiple choice..

Emotional reaction like "Yeah man.. Know.. I know.." for suspiciousness or.. forget which emotion that was or a woman like "Really now? XP (;" for confidence or "Yeah (;" for flirtation..

Idk just people hit on me and I don't like it but it's a harmless thing.

I never really look at people in the eyes when talking because the fact that other people can't jinxes it and I think about it so much. But when I'm not paying attention to that jinx, I'm looking people right in the eyes until I realize that jinx again. Then I look at the mouth because I have bad comprehension when people are talking to me while thinking that and continue because I'm so interested in having conversations. I like reading lips while looking at the eyes from below.

I told my therapist that when people think I have autism, they act a certain way towards me and try to manipulate me to act weird so it jinxes the whole thing! It's better to just forget the label and be social weird self.

#Half aspie