Roll Call 156

Yes, I have already asked him! He said he will. I asked him to take pictures too!

White Chicken Lasagna Recipe | Frigo(R) Cheese
This is the lasagna I picked...it’s most like the traditional but without the meat and red sauce....

I'm going to bed soon. But the poetry jam is 3 weeks away. During that time, when I can, I am going to listen to Listener, the band, and try to perfect my poetry.

I'm not having any side effects from the abilify increase. Happy about that

Saw my sister play volleyball. If she didn't win the finals, she wouldn't be playing it anymore but she won! I had a little psychosis arguing with the Gods and felt like I was controlling the game based on my thoughts. But I think that is normal "psychosis". I wouldn't have had that before my psychedelic trips. In the game now, I'd be like "The other team are catholic and mean so I wonder if they win does that mean that people that don't enjoy themselves get ahead in life?" because my sisters team were laughing and having fun... "Will one team that loses end up as heroin addicts?" and "My mom thinks she can control the game too.. Is that because she also did shrooms when she was my age? Are shrooms the cure for everything?" and "My sisters team knows my mom has breast cancer and my mom is cheering them on.." cuz my mom, dad and I would switch sides of the audience to their side because my mom thinks she has powers and every side we went, my sisters team won on our side.. and I said to God, "If my sister wins, then God doesn't exist and I can finally get you out of my head" but she won and it didn't work so..

And then I think, "People call religious people stupid.. But I was smart and an atheist before psychedelics and now I'm a pantheist and still smart so it has nothing to do with anything.."

I believe complete skeptics are just as flawed as the complete opposite.

There's God that exists which also doesn't exist at the same time, multiple gods and there's the devil which is also god but separate at the same time and multiple devils and good is bad and bad can be good.

Am I insane? I don't think so!

I packed all my stuff when I got home cuz I'm going to see my grandmother on my moms side. She is dying cuz of a heart problem and my uncle on my dads side wants to put everything of hers in his name and take the will. I packed 20g of phenibut in capsules to keep me somewhat happy and prevent feeling moody and depressed in front of my dad.

My dad says that he thinks I'm doing VERY well and calm and focused like not zoning out or anything and he sees me as completely "normal" and not "crazy". He asked about you guys and I told him about Newtus' success and that some are struggling but still taking their meds =]

I love my thoughts sometimes.

It was cold beyond anticipation today. It snowed furiously after lunch but didn't accumulate. I hope it won't be so cold tomorrow. I was freezing in my winter coat.

I hope I'll start losing weight soon. I can be more relaxed about it because I'll only be weighed once a month. But I get very hungry and eat all the rice on the plate, etc. So I don't know. Hope I lose weight even if I eat the carbs.

I skipped the last vape because I didn't want to be that cold again and I was done with meds and snack by 7:30. I was really glad because the earlier that happens, the sooner I can lie down and vape under the blanket.

Lately I've been thinking of Loial, I hope he's well.

What are those icons next to your name? I've been trying to figure it out for a month now.

I think one of them is tapatalk VIP Ie paid, not sure about the other...

My cat has been my emotional support animal since I bought her as a kitten when my mental illness started at age 12 =[ (Probably taxoplasmosis lol..)

I've taken pictures of me with her where she looks into my eyes. You've seen them =]

just been listening on youtube, their good.

Are you into astrology???

I'm an aries sun Gemini moon and pisces rising

I have pisces mercury and venus both in 12 house LOL

I can't imagine a quintuple scorp with all 12 H placements!!!

If I get a tattoo I want to get something that reminds me that my voices r liars

But I want it to be just for me . I dont want to have to explain it to other people .

I dont have any tattoos

Woke up feeling really motivated. Cleaned the apartment then changed the litter box. I didn't go for a walk in appointment though. I woke up at the right time but dragging myself out of bed at 6 to walk in 10 degree weather was extremely unappealing. I'll try to go one day when it's at least a little warmer.

I feel really good

I think I gained a pound or two, trying to eat healthy though. Hopefully it goes back down. I'd like to be 150 by January. I'm about 162 now

My sister just called me. She said she thinks she had a panic attack last night. She said she was just eating dinner and out of nowhere she felt like she had been drugged and felt her body completely relax and she felt outside her body. And then she said she felt like she was going crazy. She said the more she tried to calm herself down the crazier she felt.

I told her it was probably a panic attack.

She said when her husband was talking to her, his words seemed "blurry".

Sometimes there’s a bit of a set point....like I was stable at 165 as long as I was walking two miles a day and eating healthy....I was ok with that. I’m closer to 178 now since I stopped walking though so I’m a little chubby. I guess what I’m saying is you’re fighting your body past a certain point where you can always be hungry or just let go and let your body stabilize where it wants and have normal hunger where you can eat when hungry. The set points are of course much lower without APs but you live the hand you’re dealt.
This is just what I do, ymmv.

That’s weird...I’ve never had one like that....best bet is she see a doctor just to be sure....I mean to rule out a stroke or something.

Yeah, I was considering that. I initially lost 10 lbs and now I seem stuck around 160lbs no matter what I do, it's just stayed within a lb or two of that the past few months. It could definitely be a lot worse, I weighed a LOT more when I was on Invega.

While I haven’t been on invega per se, risperdal was terrible for me.....I know I told this story before but there were cupcakes in the break room and I ate one and it was stale but I couldn’t stop and still ate another...it felt humiliating to me that I couldn’t control myself and ate something so gross.

Tapatalk stuff I think.

Haha, yes I'm an astrologer. Aries sun and Gemini Moon rules! I wish I had that lol.

Tired today. I'm stressed out about my GP appointment (pap smear time) I'm either ridiculously stressed or I am totally numb. I keep cycling between the two. I'm at work but it isn't busy yet so it's going to be a long day even though I am leaving early for the doctor appointment. I keep thinking it's Thursday and it is only Wednesday! I'm all off!

The one good thing is that I know my lab reports came back good so that's something.

Yea true. Although that's exactly how my panic attacks are.

Like when I get nervous or panicky i feel my whole body relax and get heavy like I'm drugged and then the mental/emotional feelings start flooding in.