Roll Call 156

Oh. Tapatalk users dont see hugs. That's why I out thanks on post more. We also cant hug through tapatalk. But thank you.

I forgot about that, I haven't used tapatalk in a long time, I'm usually on my laptop or main browser through my phone, I'll keep that in mind

Fiance hates android. I kinda liked it. Oh well.

I've used android before. It's pretty cool

Yea I like it a lot

I care Newt. I don't log in before I read posts in the morning so I don't say "thanks" or anything. But I read.

Here's a trick.. What I do is post.. and I let my thoughts go into the interwebs and if people don't reply, great. Cuz sometimes when people reply, they don't get what I'm trying to say and then argue with me and it's annoying af! I'm arguing with people on reddit right now! But I don't give up! I keep arguing with them until they think I'm crazy.. Atypical Disaster called me a magician because all the socio's argued with me to no end! Everyone wants to drive me insane! But then eventually they get what I'm trying to say.. It just takes time of back and forth arguing.. Because conflict is people trying to understand each other.. I just wish people didn't assume so much about "this" and "that" and it's all unrelated! Put in your views and opinions damn it but they are false!

Although I know you're a social creature and want to connect.. But I disconnect until I connect.. It's all insanity newt..

I don't know why I went into trades... For the money I guess..



But I am a scientist!

But the antipsychotics are deteriorating my brain... Soon my personality will be gone.. But AD, Newtus and others have been on AP's a long time and have strong personalities.. Hmmm.. But also I used to have no personality cuz it died from depression..

Anyways, I told my sister to listen to Alan Watts to help her anxiety. He did LSD a few times then stopped cuz the acid taught him enough.. I said my sister doesn't need to do psychedelics! Just study buddhism and spirituality, live life on the meds without panic for a while and learn.. But she knows.. She's a socially smart cookie...

Lol I remember that paradox code that I made at age 16 when in psychosis "1221 2112 2112 1221.. to embed itself in a pattern of itself to continue to.. 2112 1221 1221 2112 2112 1221 1221 2112 1221 2112 2112 1221" etc...

It can be changed to "0110 1001 1001 0110 to continue as... You know what I mean".. Kind of matrixy right? It's from my pantheism. I can't explain it in detail here cuz I'm exhausting myself. I guess psychosis in general made me a pantheist and the psychs just made me realize that.

But there's a code on futurama in an episode where they used a similar paradox code where "God" (A galaxy) gives an orb of energy or something sent to earth which was a time machine for anyone who says the code out loud.

Interesting stuff..

Or it's just an autistic thing idk.. Seeing patterns in everything.. idk..

I can't believe no one - Even professionals can't tell if I have autism or schizophrenia. I don't even know.

It's likely schizophrenia cuz of the hallucinations (Mostly the voices). But that's a sign? Oh jesus it's 5am.. Omg..

Edit: Good morning I guess..

John Nash's "Braess' paradox" sounds oddly just like what I'm describing or do I just not understand it? I can't be bothered much lol..

That's the problem with my P and not J personality trait @ Atypical Disaster.. But I haven't looked at the cognition things yet.. I will soon.. Just so much I'm doing..

Edit: No it was "Nash equilibrium" and then "Braess' paradox" was a step up from that? idk.. They both look similar to the "thing" about reality that I can't explain and religious people and atheists don't seem to understand..

I don't mind it. I think I might get the Samsung Galaxy 11 when it comes out. Right now I have the Galaxy 8 which I like very much, even though it spies on me when I talk and counts my locations. I don't know why our government is so tacit with this...

Could barely sleep last night. Ended up going to bed around 4am til now.

whether you have schizophrenia or not I like your brain and how it works.

Oh yeah, for better or worse I have a very strong personality. Meds did not change this about me, at all, not even a little bit.

I have a long time friend that is an infp, extremely smart person, I do not talk to idiots for over a decade ... lol.

depression sounds so epically awful, I have never been prone to it ... I guess I had to be lucky in some way. I know depression really cripples people, gah I wish there was an actual cure for all of this ...

problems concentrating is not a P trait in and of itself ... though you do remind me of the intps i have known.

there is a “thing” about reality that i keep noticing too, that is often just on the edge of my ability to articulate. i do not know how to put this “thing” into quite the right language, but you are not the only one who has noticed it. Nash noticed it too, i think a lot of his work was in essence an attempt at articulating this “thing” in many ways. but yes, i notice this thing about reality every so often when i have a profound insight about something.

there is an irony about the religious and hardline atheists at play, well there are several ironies ... at least in my opinion.

an interpretation of reality while amazing for creativity and has incredible value, is in the end ultimately subjective ... and has a dark side.

I love android. I used to be an iOS person but went over to the dark side in 2017 and never looked back.

Why does every place serve coffee that nearly boils, and takes 20 minutes to cool down before we can even sip it?

Welp, today I plan on finishing my short story. I will give it one more reading and then publish it on Amazon and Wattpad, and DropBox, and connect links on my Blog. I picked perfect picture for the cover. For the kindle it will cost .99. For the paperback $4.99. It's the cheapest they'll go, but I will also offer it free on Wattpad and Drop Box.

Newtus, I talked to another writer, and she is the one that told me about Wattpad and DropBox options. Apparently Wattpad has a good community who will engage with writers and read their stuff. Also there are contests.

Didn't you say you entered a writing contest? Where did you find it?

This short story is just 30 pages long

I am not autistic, yet I notice patterns such as these as well. I see numbers in sounds, especially music but in people's voices also. Numbers talk to me but it seems they do not talk to other people. I do not know why this happens but I enjoy things like music as much as I enjoy mathematics, I remember when I started playing the piano ... somehow I understood it all without being taught. It was weird, I looked at the music and started playing it but I had never played before. Certainly was never taught music theory of any kind. Yet it was there in my mind, as if it had always been there. Bizarre. I also can randomly speak languages that I do not consciously know. I am not a demon, lol ... sorry if that news disappoints anyone. This is weird **** though, could never quite explain it and no one else could ... the only explanation offered for these oddities has been my IQ, pfft. I am rambling a bit ... apologies ...

The ability to see patterns in the proper context is what is behind many of the scientific discoveries that we take for granted now, I suspect ... it is a good trait to have if cultivated in a healthy way. I do know what you mean, it makes sense ... my best friend of over 15 years is autistic, by the way.

Hm. I dont think I entered into a writing contest. Maybe I mentioned my local poetry jam?

I am aware of wattpad. I just dont know how it works. Idk how I'm supposed to find my audience there, you know?

Oh, I love writing. I may not always make traditional sense, but I enjoy it nonetheless. It is fun, and it helps me to think more clearly somehow. I think it helps to engage with that part of my mind.

I bet your short stories are good reads, I remember you. You have a creative spark that is meant to be expressed.

I am sorry, panic attacks are truly awful. I have not had many, but the few I have had? Utter torment, I do not wish that on anyone.

Oh Reddit is priceless entertainment, I do not know what it is about people on there but seriously, they always want to argue about seemingly anything and everything.

Lol, socio/psychopaths are always fighting ... the phrase "rebel without a cause" uniquely applies to the antisocials of the world. Your thread in the ASPD forum made me laugh because yep they all had to fight and I was like, "popcorn time" ... lol.

My dad has diagnosed ASPD and NPD, but he is not "evil". Insufferably egotistical and over the top arrogant, definitely ... and completely lacking in empathy and not much of a conscience (he has zero tolerance for pedophiles and stuff like that, though) but nope, not evil. Mostly oblivious to how his actions impact other people more than anything, he has never been at all sadistic or whatever. But good lord he and I got into it when I was younger, I do not even remember all of why we fought but it was every day for awhile. I am no sociopath but I am also very willful, and stubborn to a fault and neither of us would back down.

I think that there is truth to what you are saying about conflict being a way that people try to understand each other. I was trying to understand my dad and why he was the way he was, on a basic level.

Gah, given how difficult communication is I am amazed humanity has survived as a species for this long ...

I'm tired today. I didn't sleep well. I had cramps last night which kept me up. I'm going to Church this morning then I'm going to try to do some Christmas shopping. I'm overwhelmed by it all really. I'm glad I have Thanksging and Black Friday off. I'm not looking forward to work tomorrow though. I so need a break. Oh well. Hugs all Kit

I'm out of the hospital now. Hopefully I don't have to go back any time soon...