Roll Call 156

Watched a documentary on Yosemite Valley, so beautiful

It's so windy out right now

Here as well. I enjoy windy weather and always have. Unless it is a tornado and it is actually coming towards my house, however. **** that. Lol.

For me it was also about people saying that I'm intelligent just by talking to me. My analytical IQ is tested as higher than 85% of the population (Which is why I was so good at math) and my comprehension IQ was lower (Which is why I struggled with English) but it developed over time after I got psychosis but I'm modest and don't think about it like I'm higher than anyone else like doctors and psychiatrists do with their God complex and ego. Empathy is important and "good qualities" of being a person. People with "bad qualities" are often looked up to as well which is why I'm putting these in quotes. Good can be bad and bad can be good.

It would be cool to have an IQ of 140 like Edward Snowden and be a computer geek to dismantle the US government empire then flee to Russia but what matters to me is quality of life.

With schizophrenia, fluid intelligence drops because of frontal lobe damage and grey matter loss in the brain from the meds or the illness itself. Crystalized intelligence stays intact (All of the things that we know of and can talk about) but with lower fluid intelligence, you can't build as well on your crystalized intelligence. That's why I want to decrease my Invega injection but stay on a low dose to prevent psychosis in the future.

But there's ways to increase intelligence by doing things such as reading and other ways of exercising the mind, physical exercise and spiritual growth or generally having a good life, being confident, etc.. (Because people that are intelligent often have a trait where they have a lot of patience because they trust their abilities - But that doesn't mean that it's proof of that. A lot of intelligent people have no patience). What I've noticed is that there's no real "thing" in reality that you can grasp to be certain of. We're all here on this planet together to agree and disagree on things yet people kill for what they believe in and force it on others.. There's no love..

After I had my first psychosis, I was always told that I'm extremely insightful and it wasn't until I took the overdose of clonazepam by accident as a disinhibited suicide attempt that I went completely full blown psychotic for months. I never knew that it would cause psychosis because no one told me (Maybe it doesn't.. but I'm sure that it did now that the pieces are all coming together - Yet I was told that I should stay on the injection because I always stopped my meds and developed mild psychosis.. Do you see how I was screwed over here?).

Stimulants don't decrease intelligence while you're on them - Yet if you take too much, anyone can go psychotic. They change certain parts of the brain (As does everything in this reality) so long term exposure can cause permanent psychosis unless you stop taking it before it's too late to give the brain time to come out of that crystalized psychosis. So psychosis really has nothing to do with intelligence. "Psychosis" is losing touch with reality and if what scientists say is right (That there's no objective reality), I'm God?. But I don't believe that. There's objective and subjective reality which are both the same at the same time and all. I think that's why religious people think of the holy trinity? Idk I'm just guessing - I never researched into that. But yeah it's just my opinion because not many regular people have had an intense ego death 100 times in one night and no one wants to either.

I believe science finds evidence and it can change based on new evidence. People don't have to agree but in society as a social construct, stupidity is to disagree with "science" and it's true. People are more likely "stupid" when they do. Smart people can do stupid things and stupid people can do smart things and what matters is the opinion that someone has on another or vice versa, what people have on themselves and how people fit into society.

The things that happened to us are not our fault. Some are. Others will have the opinion that the things that are, aren't and the ones that aren't, are. Look at the past.. Nothing we can do about that.. We are destined for a destiny (Unless time travel is possible in our lifetimes - But even then, there's still no free will. In our imagination, we're here in time and space so it exists as an idea).

Is this post psychotic.. I hope not. Don't mind me I'm just talking shite lol (That's how I justify what I say). I'm stupid anyways (It's good to say I'm stupid every once and a while but it's hard... Y'know why? Because all my life, people have called me intelligent.. Even my narcissistic step dad that always put me down.. I admit that he did have a high IQ though which is why he was able to manipulate the crap out of everyone).

And when the IQ is very low, it's like tripping.. to a higher consciousness. Autism could be like tripping in a way with high IQ too.. so yeah..

[QUOTE=Desoxyn;6693901
It would be cool to have an IQ of 140 like Edward Snowden and be a computer geek to dismantle the US government empire then flee to Russia but what matters to me is quality of life.

[/QUOTE]
I just saw on the news last night about a 9 year old who is graduating college somewhere in Europe. It took him a year to get through high school and nine months to get through college. And next he is going to medical school. Holy crap! That's smart!

We will be shamans

He must have been a doctor from the future that implanted his brain into a 9 year old

I'm doing well with the phenibut. Never been so addicted to something before.

GABA!

So ready for the weekend to start. 20 more minutes of work. Not that I am actually working.....but y'know. Still have to be here, in my office, in case someone does need me, or I do need to do some work....

Studying Italian again. I have many textbooks and stuff related to the language. I enjoyed taking it in college , I'd like to learn more. I have an Italian copy of Harry Potter and the sorcerers stone, my goal is to be able to read it

I've been eating a lot of vegetables lately

Most horrific heartburn I've ever had from my night med

Okay, taking the thorazine on a nearly empty stomach was the stupidest thing I've done in awhile.. it felt like fire was clawing through my chest for about 25 minutes

I'm having an issue with my cat.

She keeps taking my work keys. I doubt she knows they are for work, but regardless, they are keys and she keeps taking them. If I have them upstairs she takes them downstairs and vice versa. Doesnt matter where they are. She takes them. Almost like shes bringing them to me.

Idk why she does that.

XD.........

I'm thinking of just letting go for a while and just go crazy and do whatever

But the last time I did that I got into dozens of different drugs and almost died. Before that, I was having e-sex with people online.

But I'll try something different this time

Then I'll go back to being serious

It's cuz I have a lot of pain in my mind

Having a panic attack. Trying to get through it without klonopin.

It will go away no worries =] You'll get through it without taking a klonopin and you'll say "Woo! I did it!"

@ Atypical disaster

I’m in the psych ward against my will. Meh.

I made it through the panic attack last night without taking a klonopin

I barely slept at all. Maybe 2 hours. But I needed to come up to the car dealership to get my oil changed. They opened at 7:30am and its 8:30am and the guy said it's already an hour wait and 10 people are ahead of me. Ugh. Maybe because its Saturday and everyone is off from work. But I'm not waiting til next week and they arent open tomorrow. I thought I could wait til 8am in order to get even an hour of sleep.

Oh well. And its freezing cold out. Like in the 30s. I'm exhausted and have black bags under my eyes. It looks really bad. And I still have stuff to do when I get home but I may skirt everything for a few hours to rest. Stuff that shouldn't be skirted, but I'm dead exhausted.

I started my new haldol last night. I suspect me not sleeping might've been cuz my current obsession with my nintendo switch. I was googling "obscure Nintendo switch games" til 4am.

Oh well.

Typically the bf makes appointments for oil changes on weekends, they tell him the best time that way.

Yea I did that for 10 years and realized I'm still waiting the same amount of time to get it changed as I was not making an appointment. I always made appointments and I still ended up waiting up to 2 hours at the dealership near where my dad lives. It was a nightmare. So I dont make appts anymore.