Roll Call 157

Whoa crazy!

Soon I'm gonna text my friend from the psych ward. I visit her house sometimes. She's one of those people that thinks I'm so cool by the way I talk (Cuz the things I say) and we like to talk, hang out and watch TV, go to the psych ward buy coffee and talk to the staff. We have two other friends there too and they come to visit.

Idk what to say it's been a long six months of craziness. I haven't talked to her in 6 months.

As I said to SP: I'm a sucker for peppermint mocha. Lol.

I quit the cigs but I still vape a bit (I am not excessive with it at all), lesser of two evils while I'm dealing with benzodiazepine withdrawal BS.

Applebees is my vote!

So precious!!! I love kitties!

I had a nightmare last night. It was horrible. I don't remember my dreams usually. But when I woke up, I was freaked out, but I knew it was a dream. So I made myself get up for a few minutes. Then when I got back in bed my kitty Amelia joined me and I got to pet on her. She calmed me down.

I'm dizzy today.

Finally made it to the store......I dont know why small things like this are a big deal right now but they are.....got stuff to make a cider glazed chicken with Brussel sprouts., got a street taco kit which is new in store and kinda cool.

I saw my Regular T last night. I think I scared her because of the sui attempt. She seemed really upset. I feel kind of bad. I didn't really think it would affect her. I kind of feel like a horrible person. She made me promise to call her next time, even if it is like 3 AM. And she made me So I went to the parking lot after the appointment and I called a friend of mine, and I asked her if she would hold the medications for me. She questioned me a bit but she is going to hold them. So I arranged to go over there today after work. I feel stupid and embarrassed though. =( Then this morning I was having hallucinations. Sheesh! I don't feel all that stable.

I love street tacos. Being from Southern California they are really popular here. We even had them at work the day before Thanksgiving as part of our potluck.


I've never heard of cider glazed chicken but it sounds delicious! Enjoy!

In a way she’s responsible for your safety so I can see why she’s upset...

Sorry about the hallucinations and instability

Yeah I just tried them they’re pretty good....have a chipotle crema and salsa for seasoning, really nice.

I hope your benzo tapering goes well.

Picked up and ate 2 slices of pumpkin bread from starbucks! Hehe!

I've been tapering since July, I got off of one of them completely very successfully and without too much incident (besides headaches and insomnia but that is just a more pronounced version of being me, to keep it real ... LOL); and I'm working on tapering off the other one. I only have a half milligram to go, it's Ativan and it's been rough going, more so than the other one because of the shorter half life. I've been miserable like ... wtf it's actually ****ing BS. Every time I go down on the dose again I turn into a puddle for a week and a half. And you have to understand I'm not normally an emotional person at all, it's out of character for me entirely. I was only on this stuff for so long because of catatonia related crap, thankfully my anxiety levels are not terribly high ... I cannot imagine getting off of this stuff and having panic attacks constantly, that sounds like hell.

I'm thankful that my psychiatrist has been so wonderfully supportive about the whole thing, she laid out a plan to get me off of this stuff safely and in a timely manner.

That's good. In 2013 I had to withdraw cold turkey from benzos I used for 30 years. Not fun. Cold turkey because the np had no idea what she was doing. I was awake for 10 days and almost died but I've posted about it ad nauseum since I've been on PC so I won't go into it, but I have a lot of respect for anyone who gets off benzos.

I would have preferred to stay on them the rest of my life.

My new Vapewild bag is lost. I have to wait until group 3 comes in so I can go through the damned tote bag.

acid reflux is horrible today. I need to get my meds for it, keep putting it off. I'll go tomorrow morning

I'm really paranoid today. Went out and bought two energy drinks and the cashier made a comment, my brain immediately goes that she's a part of a conspiracy to track everything I do.

I have 400 million alprazolams. I take one every 3 weeks average. I took many a day earlier this year for a month then stopped but didnt get any withdrawal cuz I metabolize them quickly I think.

I almost never get reflux but these street tacos are not sitting well which is sad.

Half a milligram of Ativan?? Jesus.. how long have you been on ativan?

My mom takes 1mg Ativan every night and I tell her that she's already built tolerance but she doesn't listen. She finds it really hard for doctors to give her refills. I'm ok with it as long as she doesn't increase it to 2mg..

So I’m sitting here deciding whether I want to spend five bucks and walk in the cold to goto Starbucks...then I see a pack of Swiss miss mocha and I know I’ve got peppermint extract so why not make my own? Turns out most of the extract had evaporated which made a few drops super concentrated oops.....my lips and lungs are still burning geeze, I had to toss it but luckily had another extract that hadn’t been opened so I made a second cup. My lol for the day.

Peaceful Christmas pop is a really nice station on google play....I like it better than the lite fm version at least for now.

had to take one of my prn med, having a panic attack. Haven't had to take one in weeks though