Roll Call 157

I wrote a Christmas song on phenibut I'll post it later

How's the 2nd cup?

Once my tastebuds started working again it was actually really good, perhaps not up to Starbucks standards but I think that was the missing foam.

Sorry bluebird but it’s good you haven’t had to take one in a while....

I don't know why I get so obsessed over meds. It seems like every time I go for a walk my brain goes to hypotheticals of my Haldol being upped or being put on Clozapine.

I think it’s normal....I used to be obsessed with lowering my dose and getting off meds until my pdoc basically decided no more changes now I just take the pills without much thought....

I used to think like that too. Now that I'm stabilized and my meds/dosages haven't changed for awhile I hardly think about them

Y'all are probably right that it has something to do with my meds being changed so much. I'm sure once (if) I get stable I'll think about them less

So good news about my sister they say the tumor is slow growing...they might be able to kill it with chemo and radiation without surgery. She needs a ct but right now they said they didn’t think it was attached to anything like bone which is good.

I remember you mentioning that a few times, that is terrible ... this stuff isn’t a joke. I couldn’t stand being on them, and they had outlived their usefulness in my case as in they don’t work and as usual just gave me side effects including memory loss so yeah no thanks.

Long term. I don’t remember when I got put on it. I want to say since 2006 or so? I was taking 4 milligrams at one point quite awhile ago before I dropped the dose down to 2mg due to highly treatment resistant catatonia. I was taking 2mg when I started tapering off of it, it’s been kicking my ***.

I’m kind of obsessed with my meds too. I wish I wasn’t on them but at the same time I feel stuck if they aren’t changing up. Like if I’m on a low dose it’s not valid? Idk if that makes sense.

Why wouldn’t it be “valid”? I think I know what you’re getting at but someone ate my brain.

Like logically I know it’s all valid but sometimes I get stuck in my head that it’s not THAT bad why am I complaining. It doesn’t really make sense I know.

I hope I never lose interest in meds cuz that means I have lost interest in life itself

The apartment manager just talked down to me. I asked who do I make the money order to and she laughed when I said villas like "vi-yas". She said "no, its vil-LUS" pronounced with the L and I'm pretty sure shes wrong.

Dumb *****

She said "no sweetie that's not it. I'll help u make it out tomorrow. What time are you coming?"

Fck off ya bag

Okay I thought so I just have brain fog going on here. I think perhaps it may be a good idea to ask yourself where this mindset comes from as opposed to being concerned about whether or not it “makes sense”. I think that most of the stuff in our minds at one point did make sense at the time because otherwise it wouldn’t be there, but usually when it no longer “works” for us then it needs to be adjusted to match the way things are now as opposed to the way things were and lol now I’m worried that I’m not making sense! Aaahhh!

For what it’s worth I think whatever you’re going through is 100% valid, no doubt in my mind about that.

Anyways I had an awesome skiing day today! Happy.. Beautiful mountains sunny day.. snow.. I fell a few times into soft backwards.. Couldn't move it was like being in a cold cloud..

I took a video and put it on snapchat but I'll post a pic here.. Just have to find a picture uploader that works..

I'm always obsessed over meds... I am currently obsessing about anti-anxiety meds. But I'm depressed currently so my doctor changed my antidepressant regimen. So I hope that helps...

I understand the feeling though. I always fantasize about being on clozapine and whether or not it would get rid of my worst symptoms right now or whatever. But I usually only fantasize about new meds when I'm not feeling that well.

Ah you’re fine!

I think a large part of it has to do with denial. Like I’m not sick. I’m not sick enough to warrant all this. If I’m only on low dose that means I’m not bad why do I need this at al.

I struggle sometimes with denial about it all.

I hope I get chosen for tedx man...

I know you're frustrated about this, but this is a pretty funny post. To me at least... I laughed when I read it. Just the whole thing about the pronunciation of the "ll".

If it were the Spanish pronunciation in countries like Mexico, you'd be correct in pronouncing it like an English "y".

Other Spanish-speaking countries pronounce the "ll" slightly differently. I could get into a whole summary of phonetics in Spanish but I won't bore you with that.

But if it's her name, I suppose you have to pronounce it the way she wants you to, unfortunately. Ha.

Anyway, I'm not trying to laugh at your expense, I just thought the thing about the pronunciation was funny.

Oh yeah that makes a lot of sense. I’ve totally been there with the denial, for me it showed up differently about something else (a topic that can be triggering so I won’t go into it) but YEP I understand.

It's the name of the apartments. Americans should be, by default, cultured, but we are the most uncultured people in the world. Especially in the south. We live in large Hispanic population by living in texas. I took it as an insult from her. Ain't no one saying the correct pronunciation anyway, so let me say it the way I want.

Not mad at you, but her.