Roll Call 167 :)

Good luck with the weight loss

Yay fun!

Thanks! I'm always nervous about taking medication I've never taken before for the first time, but I'll be out for awhile tomorrow so that should take my mind off of it

I lost my unemployment weight! I think the "no beers" helped a ton. After I write my short essay on Romanticism I'm going to get on the dating market again. I have no idea what to expect though. Honestly, i don't know which dating sight i should try. OKCupid was kind of a dissapointment last time.

I think a side effect some people have is anxiety so be mindful of that.

Can you channel that energy into something positive or do you only have negative visions? One of my long time friends has visions but she also has guides, she’s the one who taught me about shamanism originally, which was a major focus of my psychosis. I thought I was being trained by a peacock shaman. I later learned the basic principles...sometimes I use it when I’ve reached the limits of what I can do. Like if someone is sick to offer them a healing. I find that if I give my mind a positive outlet like healing or shamanism I don’t get the negative stuff going. Shamanism is kind of unique in that all the levels of the world are fairly neutral there’s no heaven/hell dichotomy so you’re just dealing with animal spirts and it’s not a religion per se. Anyway you tend to have guides with most of this stuff and they keep you safe and advise you. Sometimes getting more info and structure helps. Like have you read books on being psychic because there tend to be shared elements to the visions etc. and the community might be able to help, but you need to find the right flavor for you.

Even supplements freak me out...

Ok cupid was great for me but I think it’s time has passed....sadly I think tinder is the top rated one right now....

I am so bad with online dating websites.

I lose interest in them in about 25 seconds.

If I could maintain my attention past 25 seconds, maybe they'd work?

I don't know.... I just don't think those websites are for me.

On Tinder I either never get matches or I just swipe right all the time (whichever way is "x"). I also think Tinder is very superficial. Which all of them have to a certain degree. Aren't these companies just taking advantage of lonely people to some extent? I think they are somewhat.

The experience as a male is totally different than as a female....just putting that out there....

Yeah, each have their problems. Ha

I'm a black hole for chemicals

I refuse to use tinder. I'm more of a person that one warms up to and not just at first glance. Plus, I'd like to get to know a woman's interests and see if her values align with mine. Financial sitatuations don't bother me, although they bother women considering the women I've dated, which was disheartening. Then there's teh case of my roommate, who's a total misandry.

Thing about supplements is either they are total garbage or they actually have some effect in which case they are just like any other chemical...

pharmacy didn't have enough geodon I got a 5 day supply

I hate it when that happens.....luckily it’s never happened since I switched to Walgreens......

Huh. Yeah, I have read quite a bit about it. There is a lot of skepticism about whether the state of being psychic even exists. Overall, most "experts" have not been able to find evidence for it. Most people think it is a scam.

And yet, I have visions. They all come true. What they exactly are, what their meaning is--I guess everyone has their own take. Most folks would just dismiss me as a lunatic, so, I don't really talk about them much.

There’s a new one called hinge.......but okcupid is still the most detailed......

Yeah I fluctuate between the reality and non reality aspect but it does something positive for me. It’s complicated but I believe and don’t believe at the same time.....idk even when I was pre psychosis my friend gave me some kind of energy healing and I swear it’s like getting a massage without ever being touched. Anyway your mileage may vary but I find that finding a compatible belief system can help provide like a structure for stuff that doesn’t fit neatly into boxes in the mainstream reality.

Yeah this is the first time it's happened with Kroger pharmacy. It's just because the script was for 100 40mg capsules, I doubt anywhere has 100 capsules of geodon in stock.

My mind is so open now that I'm open to anything - But need to stay grounded. I just love talking and writing about magic, reality, consciousness, science and logic - It's all valid.

You just need to a good sense of self - In order to relate the environment to yourself and trust your own mind, use the right patterns - Don't listen to your own nonsense.

It's mostly brain chemicals. I had psychosis 3 nights ago and took 7.5mg of olanzepine and I was completely fine after that. Yet, I find the psychosis interesting because "I" thought of it - How I can relate it to my past, present, future.. If I could do something great - Pronoia and paranoia at the same time.. Running away from intrusive thoughts but also towards something great - Being connected to the spirit all knowing matrix grid.

I can get caught up in my own thoughts and seem crazy to people around me - I fear my mom would walk in and ask me what's wrong and I'd have to say "I'm psychotic". It's horrible. Psychosis is horrible - But so many people are interested in it because it gives clues to how bizarre reality is - People looking for meaning, trying to be happy, how to get over pain, society and it's addiction to dopamine, satan, religion, technology and time travel, consciousness...

I'm so interested in everything but I know I'm sick - So I take my meds. It's not like I'm not allowed to be interested in my own thoughts - I just can't go too deep into mystery or else I may never come back.. Brain cells will die because the dendrites form wrong connections. In the psych ward, I met some really sick people.. One in particular was so psychotic constantly that it seemed as if he was tripping.. The hospital psychologist said "He's has an extremely severe form of schizophrenia".. He asked me if I did LSD and mushrooms and I said "Yes" and I asked if he did and he said yes. He didn't believe that I did so he got up, twirled around and danced away.

We have to take care of our minds. I think it's very rare to have such openness - Most people have strong religious convictions or atheists, depressed - The other one is psychosis or mania, brain injury etc..

But I will be here for you guys. I hope that what I say doesn't make anyone's psychosis worse - I try to reassure and give support - Just like when I need it.. If I need to just write it out.. My family is really supportive of me.. I don't want to end up homeless on the street. It could easily happen. My mom could have kicked me out but she would never do that. She was always supportive (Although distracted at times) and never got mad at me for trying to cope with so many drugs.. She just took them away and gave me a hug.

All I needed was a hug. I didn't want to die so usually I'd walk upstairs, crying and say "Please flush these drugs for me - I'm not happy with what I'm doing to myself" or something. I'd listen to songs - And most songs don't glorify drugs. Sure, musicians made good songs with heroin for example but a lot said that they waited like 15 years and could have made better music.

Yessss.... This is the best way to be. Remember, "If you think you're stuck and unstuck at the same time, you're unstuck" (Unstuck: In reality).

I've been taking 5mg of olanzepine for 4 nights in a row to help sleep - It works (With one zopiclone).

But I haven't taken benzos in 4 days. I'll wait 2 weeks just to be sure - Then just take for possible future panic attacks.

A side effect of taking the olanzepine is that I have ZERO psychosis.

Oh wow yeah that’s a ton!

It may be an insurance thing. We are on Medicare. They may only cover it every 4 weeks or something...