Roll Call 167 :)

So I've been looking at ways to eat healthier. And get more exercise. I'm wanting to take care of my health.

I've also been looking up ways to get motivated to clean. I found a lot of good tips. Of course there's the timer thing where you set it for 15-20 minutes to work on something. Then there's another thing I found helpful, instead of doing ALL the cleaning one day of the week, do 40 minutes or so like 3 times a week and throughout that everything gets done and it's less overwhelming. And of course tidying up here and there whenever you can, like picking up a mug when you see it and bringing it to the sink instead of passing it by. Just little things like that all add up.

I'm staying mindful, in the present moment. My family and friends are healthy and happy, so I'm grateful and happy to be alive. Whenever I start worrying about something I remind myself that "in this moment, I'm okay and safe"

Anyway, I sketched the other day. Trying to do that more often. I'd like to work on some holiday themed art like Christmas and Halloween stuff. Playing Ukulele too. There's a book I want to get, Ukulele for Dummies, I've always found those books helpful for learning about different things.

That’s a great idea

Beyond sorry that happened to you......

Might be able to get uke for dummies at the library to see if it something you want to buy or not....it’s a great book for learning the basics but may included songs are meh....

I’m going to try setting a timer for when I’ll start at 3:30 see if that works. I think part of it is I like to get certain things done before I start. Like normally I’d talk to Newtus on snap but that hasn’t happened today, understandably.

Didn’t work...maybe I’ll just cram it all into tomorrow? I mean technically it’s due Sunday but tomorrow is my last day I’m not busy with something else.

Just woke up. I really needed that sleep. Still got a headache.

My mom updated me on Sassy. She has gastroenteritis. Which is just a stomach ache. Bloating, stomach hurts, etc. My mom said she will be ok!

I finally did ten minutes worth of reading....feel like I at least did something....

You did! Awesome! Celebrate every effort.

Woke up really needing a coffee. I slept in until 3pm because I didn't give a ****. I might have a cold like my sister.. Coronavirus - Who knows.

I made a pot of coffee in one cup. I'm dependent now. My mom was annoying me being so dramatic to take out the trash.. All you have to do is be mindful about it, take the trash out - That's all there is to it.

Last night I went for a walk around the block and it was very slowly starting to get bright out. As I walked back to the house, I lied down on the grass in the yard and looked up at the stars - It was amazing and so beautiful. I was listening to nice songs and saw all of the stars in the sky - I started thinking about how that is what it's like to feel at a concert or festival on acid (Because I've been getting psychosis recently which kind of feels like acid - Music giving me signs from the gods or the researchers or aliens creating the simulation).

Newtus, I'll start researching about the brain and DiPT (Diisopropyltryptamine) - It's a drug that makes people hear voices. I'll come back with some information...

"QUALITATIVE COMMENTS: (with 18 mg, orally) “Wild effects noted in an hour. Remarkable changes in sounds heard. My wife’s voice is basso, as if she had a cold—my ears with slight pressure as if my tubes were clogged but they aren’t. Radio voices are all low, music out of key. Piano sounds like a bar-room disaster. The telephone ringing sounds partly underwater. In a couple more hours, music pretty much normal again.”

(with 25 mg, orally) “Within the first hour I noted changes already, and my hand-writing became very poor. I cannot seem to measure the rate of the drug’s effects as there is no obvious window through which I am moving. Abrupt sounds have golden spikes attached to them as after-sounds, but I can’t focus in on any other sensory changes. I moved into a completely quiet environment and there don’t appear to be any effects of any kind. If I were deaf, this would have been an inactive compound. How many other drugs have appeared to be inactive because I didn’t know where to look for effects?”

(with 50 mg, orally) “Everything was auditory, and I can only describe it with a ‘!’”

(with 100 mg, orally) “Nothing until 35 minutes when a definite change in hearing was observed. There was a decrease in high frequency acuity with an unusual tonal shift of all frequencies to a lower pitch. Voices sounded very similar to a single side-band radio signal which had been mistuned to the low side of the center frequency. All familiar sounds became foreign, including the chewing of food. No effects were noted with respect to clarity of speech, and both comprehension and interpretation were normal. Music was rendered completely disharmonious although single tones sounded normal. There were no changes in vision, taste, smell, appetite, vital signs, or motor coordination. The effects began to fade at four hours post ingestion, and were completely gone at eight hours. Mild diarrhea occurred from five to ten hours post-ingestion but was not a significant problem.”

(with 250 mg, orally) “Shortly after I ingested the substance I heard a spirit say, ‘Once in a lifetime.’ She encouraged me to believe that I would have more life after the experience. But, there was a feeling of foreboding. The light was there, but DIPT was the body of Satan. The voices of people were extremely distorted—males sounded like frogs—children sounded like they were talking through synthesizers to imitate outer space people in science fiction movies. In fact I felt that I was somehow sent into an anti-universe where everything looked the same as normal but was a cold and empty imitation. I felt I was a fallen angel.”

(with 8 mg, smoked) “In four minutes I was aware of things going on, and by eight minutes, I was at a plus 2. My tongue was numb, and my ears felt plugged up although my hearing was keen and there was a background hissing sound.”

- A physician friend of mine has expressed it using a neurological vocabulary: “If it [the drug] delayed only the neural response to a stimulus, then pitch might have been shifted down, and yet harmony between notes should have been preserved. A variable delay related to the pitch of the stimulus would produce the disharmony but would not explain the preservation of normal relationship between single tones. It seems clear that this compound affects the auditory processing centers in the brain in a complex way which deserves further scientific study. The lack of significant toxic effects should make this compound useful for further studies.”

I am in absolute agreement. Here is a drug that goes directly after the hearing system, rather than the seeing system. Let’s stick a carbon 11 on one of those isopropyl groups, and see where the drug goes using the positron emission tomography camera. Will we highlight the auditory cortex? Or maybe some association area? But if we are indeed dealing only with musical pitch, not musical structure, there might be only a small part of that cortical region visible. This could well be a tool for two things. First, the localization of the pitch center in the brain. And second, it is a prototypic drug that might allow structural modification in several directions with several augmenting atoms. Some simple homologue might well have even more remarkable and specific properties. If you don’t look, you won’t find."

So basically it's hallucinations of the auditory part of the brain. It can seem like you're going deaf.

Glad you and Sassy are ok

Day 2 of metformin. No gastrointestinal issues today like I had yesterday

Had an ok day of therapy, talked about being insecure.

Turns out my pharmacy can dispense Clozapine so they called it in, it'll be filled when lab results get back, I'm anxious.

That’s fantastic!

Good luck with the clozapine and glad your therapy went kinda OK.

Doing laundry...gotta remember not to put the masks in the dryer.....quarantine living.....

Anyone hear from Angelique? Haven’t seen her around lately

Speaking of quarantine...we actually can’t go out until Friday....bf had to take a covid test prior to his colonoscopy and he needs to self quarantine before the procedure.

It’s going to be 91 ...no way I’m sitting in the car for two hours, probably going to Home Depot and getting a plant....I want some sort of hanging basket...maybe a geranium.

I don’t think I have in the last week or so....

Last I saw her was actually Sunday on fb.

This made me laugh 😂

OMG 😲 worst nightmare!

Clozapine titration chart the nurse gave me...

That’s one of the most complicated tapers up I’ve ever seen...