Roll Call 170

I’m thinking about the memories with my cats. I’m crying cause I miss them but happy at the same time cause of our memories and fun times we had together

Nice!!..........

I don't know a way to learn a language except try to study it a lot, haha. I speak Spanish fluently. It's taken a lot of work and I'm still eons away from knowing everything I want to know. pretty much languages are lifelong pursuits, in my opinion.

Sounds like a woman you shouldn't engage with again. Anyway, that is a poor expectation to have of you that she had.

I can empathize with not having friends at work. In the past, I've had to deal with good friends leaving work. And right now I have 0 friends at work, ha.

Anyway, I wanted to post here because I thought I was being irrational but maybe I'm not. It seems like I can't make one single rational decision. I know that the definition of rational may change based on who you're talking about. It seems to me like rational means something different for everyone. But I'm not sure. I think my parents are going to react super negatively to me wanting to switch pdocs. They're going to accuse me of being irrational and I'm going to say no, etc., then I'll change my mind back and make 0 change. Ha. That's always the way it goes.

i am sorry, Blue. Have you thought about ever getting another one maybe?

I am very sorry if my posts about ny new kitten are triggering you an making you feel bad. I feel awful. I forgot. Sorry.

Well, without a doubt, the fastest way to learn a language is to immerse in it. So, go to Munich of Frankfurt or whatever for a few months, if you can.

Hugs!!

Yeah it’s bittersweet...hugs....I still miss my bird it’s been quite some time. The ones that really touch you, it’s hard....

No your posts aren’t triggering at all, don’t feel bad , I’m happy for you yes I am actually, my sisters cat is moving in with me this month

Do your parents make your healthcare decisions for you? Are they your conservators or powers of attorney or something, Asparagae? I am in a situation a bit like that, because I have been so sick in the past. It protects me and my kids, basically. So, I don't go, like, try to buy a jet or something. Not that I could afford one, but manic people are pretty creative...

You know what's best for you. Although apart of the process is to discuss it with your parents. It doesn't begin and end with you.. There has to be the part of "You're making an irrational choice", then you have to say "No I'm not", then.. You both talk.. Then you decide on your own again. It's a mutual energy exchange.

#weed thoughts

Have you considered asking current pdoc to be more rigid about med changes? A lot of people are capable of changing when you ask....it’s kinda nice to have one that knows you and your history.

Well, no good pics yet. It is a boy. I have named him Albert, after my favorite scientist. He is sweet and adorable. He likes to snuggle already. Yay!!!!! He is sleeping his life away on my poofy pillow, even though I set up all these super-special kitty places for him. Uh oh--he is awake. More to follow. He is into everything...

Yeah I mean I would like to see if he could change. But I don't know, it just seems like we've been floundering on the meds for multiple years now. I was on this same combination of meds all throughout college.

I just feel stupid for already making an appointment with another pdoc. It's almost as if I don't think things through. But honestly I felt like I thought about it a fair amount.


Anyway, about my parents, really the only control they have over me is financial, as they don't have power of attorney or anything like that... But the level of financial control is quite high because I don't earn much these days...

New kittens are a handful. You have to play - Sometimes they are too hyper.

When my cat was a kitten, I picked her up and she crawled up on my shoulder. I was like, "She's gonna do this for the rest of her life now" - And she does - Doesn't let me hold her.. Always crawls up on my shoulder.

I’ve been on th same meds nine years...if it works why change it?

A person helped me get my cart onto the bus today cause it was heavy with all the groceries. That was nice of them

Am I doing something wrong if he meows? He has food, water, knows where litter is.

Oh, good, okay. Thanks.

That's a good point. Haha. I don't know why I always think of changing everything. Something I need to work on. Well I guess my pdoc wanted to change things, so that was why I thought of switching pdocs. It's like a recurrent thing with him I think, that he wants me on low amounts of medicine. But I feel like he has like amnesia or something because he always tries this stuff where he will lower my meds. And I'm left being like what? What are we doing? Anyway, that is why I feel like I need a new pdoc.

Thanks, Des.

How I honestly feel;

Fear: Of inevitable pain that will come. Things revolving around in my mind, pestering me - nagging "Pay attention to me" - I have to deal with them but there's only so much that I can deal with. It goes in episodes of thought that I am and can't control - It's just how I react to this perception that matters. People will misunderstand me and cause me harm - That's why they're all out to get me.. I feel like I always need to just explain myself because I like me.

Hope: Wanting things to be better - Just holding on. Maybe I'll be in a place in time and space where I can look at the stars again, listening to music or talking with someone/people and be ok.

Love: For myself, my family, my cat, nature, for the good parts of the world.

Confusion: That parts of my cognition aren't working properly - And that I'm unaware of how other people see me - Which is only ever how I know that I will see me. Certain things go right for me and others don't - If something changes, I have a disconnected feeling like "Oh no" or "Finally, it worked".

Tiredness: Exhaustion.. "When will I sleep? Dreams will haunt me and I have no choice". Burnt out. Internet, reality, all of the things that I do which haunt me moments later - And it all piles up.

Regret: We all have them. Might as well not think about them too much.

Sadness: This is a part of life where I have to think about the environmental factors, how to solve, how to let go and experience, make the best possible life, make sure others are ok in the process.

Maybe he just wants attention?

I’m probably annoying with this I think I’ve annoyed my work friends and my family with this already but I’m so excited for school. It’s a lot of work but deep down I’m having fun, really.

I’m going to have to switch soon over to studying for my two courses, but for my new courses I’ve already read and made notes for two chapters of Psych 290, read a chapter and made some notes for Comp 200. Figured out what is required of me for each course.

They just started yesterday. I hope to get maybe two quizzes and an assignment done over the weekend.

I know I shouldn’t push myself I have until end of December to get them done but I just want to do them! I enjoy learning.

Plus I plan on registering for three other courses before the end of the year. So I can get my work to pay me back $2,000.

Your not annoying at all....I love learning too.

Thanks, sorry I just feel like it’s really all I talk about now. Reading books and studying and all that.

Work this and study that. Dog cute. Food tasty. Mood doing well. That’s me!