Roll Call 172

I'm always judged because of what I say even when I don't identify with anything - People are like "I don't like x" or "You must be x then"

Stuff like this makes me nihilistic. I literally don't identify with anything. I'm neutral for everything. I don't pick sides.

It just makes me alone in the end, questioning my worth.

People that don't know me are the worst. And when people get to know me, they say "Stop using drugs". I'm not even using drugs. I literally don't know what drugs are.

OMG my OCD is driving me absolutely nuts. I have to work in the morning. There's a coworker that told me to not stack the dishes too high but I didn't see AN EXTRA SPACE FOR THEM. He didn't even introduce himself. I don't introduce myself to people.

I'm gonna go mad and I don't care. I really don't.

Just let my cognition go out the window now. It's way too late for that. Deteriorate.. deterrriorate...

I'll never be able to function again possibly. I'm basically already vegetated.

Got 2 and a-half hrs, then just woke up.dunno. maybe later or something. So tired...

Hey all,

My therapist now thinks I should do an intensive outpatient program. I am doubting that a lot. I don't think I need it.

I guess it kind of makes sense where she's coming from though, I mean I haven't been able to keep a job down or managed not to quit graduate school for several weeks at a time.

I think I might call my pdoc...

My friend says the Kleenex was delivered on Wednesday and the lozenges hopefully came too last week. I have to go ask about them to the SW and I'm feeling too shy and strange.

At night I can't stop eating. Candy, Cheetos, soda and peanut butter.

I'm just drooling over the guy I'm in love with here. I'm in dangerous territory and I don't want to get obsessed. Fate brought me right across the hall from him. Strange circumstances. I have a bad track record when it comes to being in love. I hope I'm finally old enough not to lose my mind.

Newtus texted me and we talked about illness and the future, VR, etc.. I was feeling really bad and borderline because of ashwagandha.

I was borderline mostly also because the owner of a schizo-autism chat on discord called me a conspiracy theorist because I posted one meme. Ridiculous.

I'm over it but concerned because I started getting depersonalization and songs were stuck in my head with 3rd person thoughts before I went to sleep - Hot af even with my fan.

But now I'm going to work.. Hopefully they're nice to me...

Property manager called me down and gave me the rest of the paperwork to fill out for maybelle. So I just need to put in her information, emergency contact info and shot records once I get them.

My sister is ordering me my smart watch tomorrow.

Awesome!

I hope your coworkers are nice to you! Life is too short to have crappy coworkers!

I spent a long time writing an email to a dear friend today. I'm at work but I have nothing to do. No wonder we are furloughed. Seriously thinking of taking a nap on the floor. Just not sure how clean it is. No one is around. It's a weird, strange day.

I mean no one is around at work.

I'm just tired today. I don't think I am having any delusions. I think my hallucinations have been pretty good. Pretty infrequent. I shouldn't be tired since I sleep all the time. I cleaned one bookcase shelf yesterday. Yeah, accomplishment!

Awesome! And yay for cleaning! I have trouble keeping up with cleaning but breaking it up into small tasks helps me. I would bring a pillow to work if you don't have anything to do, at least to rest and close your eyes for awhile

Hey, Asparagae, why oppose sthng that might help u feel better? U have been struggling a bit.

Hugs!

I got a text frm the mgr that I had a package. They use this locker system where u enter a code and the door pops and presto!!! But my locker was empty! U don't think amazon forgot to put the pkg in there?

Am worried spies or agents r trying to destabilize or torture me.

Hey @bpcyclist you're not sounding too well. I think the above might be delusions. I know you haven't been able to sleep. Try to relax if you can. Breathe deeply. Maybe call your pdoc. It's going to be okay man. Hang in there. HUGS Kit

Did you call your pdoc? I've never been to an IOP so I don't know what to tell you on that. I've just been IP and OP. Hope you are feeling a bit better now. HUGS Kit

@WastingAsparagus I was in a day treatment program I went to every day for a long time and found it really helpful

@WastingAsparagus

I've done partial hospitalization three times and it's helped me a ton

Okay, Kit, thanks.

HUGS @bpcyclist

I know, maybe it's just the contrarian in me, but I feel like I don't need it.

I feel like partially my parents' opposition that I do it is playing into it as well.

I know it would likely help me feel better.

Yeah I'm seeing pdoc Monday. I have no idea what to do. I feel so mixed up on everything.

Support from other humans amost always helps us. Connecting w others seems to activate empathy and love neural pathways.