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  #126  
Old Jul 22, 2020, 08:08 PM
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Originally Posted by bpcyclist View Post
You are an awesome person, Erti, with a great big heart. Be kind to urself.
my heart hurts. These kids are like blood. I love these kids. They call me... they'll say "i want daddy" " i want mommy" " i want Jessica"... I wanna come with you... don't let them take me away. I miss you. I love you.
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  #127  
Old Jul 22, 2020, 08:39 PM
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There's literally 10,000 possibilities that I can think about of what I can do with my life.
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  #128  
Old Jul 22, 2020, 09:12 PM
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Originally Posted by Erti View Post
my heart hurts. These kids are like blood. I love these kids. They call me... they'll say "i want daddy" " i want mommy" " i want Jessica"... I wanna come with you... don't let them take me away. I miss you. I love you.
Go see them.
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  #129  
Old Jul 22, 2020, 09:14 PM
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A musician couple has come. I gave one my dads guitar and it was amazing.

They're playing outside now and everyone's drinking. I put a benzo under my tongue cuz it makes me anxious and I'm tapering phenibut.

I'm just exhausted. I'm still annoyed by my mom - I have to talk to her about things but she's ignoring me and I'm afraid that she will die suddenly.
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  #130  
Old Jul 22, 2020, 09:58 PM
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Go see them.
cant because CPS. We're only allow supervised visits.
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  #131  
Old Jul 22, 2020, 10:00 PM
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cant because CPS. We're only allow supervised visits.
Do that.
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  #132  
Old Jul 22, 2020, 10:06 PM
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Do that.
We gotta wait for info with the case worker
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  #133  
Old Jul 22, 2020, 10:15 PM
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I feel like every time I read or do spiritual stuff on YouTube or wherever, I just start getting all in my head and I cannot escape from negative thoughts. I don't know why this is...
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  #134  
Old Jul 22, 2020, 10:21 PM
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I feel like every time I read or do spiritual stuff on YouTube or wherever, I just start getting all in my head and I cannot escape from negative thoughts. I don't know why this is...
Negative thoughts about spirituality?
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  #135  
Old Jul 22, 2020, 10:24 PM
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Negative thoughts about spirituality?

Yeah I guess. It's almost like my brain breaks and I cannot focus on anything else. Like I cannot do anything productive or anything when I have these negative thoughts about spirituality. I guess I still have a lot to discover about myself.
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  #136  
Old Jul 22, 2020, 10:36 PM
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U become obsessed with spiritual issues? I do.
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  #137  
Old Jul 22, 2020, 10:39 PM
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U become obsessed with spiritual issues? I do.

Yes, for sure. That definitely happens to me.

Now I feel kind of depressed.

Well, at least I'm seeing a new pdoc tomorrow.

I still cannot decide whether or not to do online therapy or just to see my regular therapist twice a week.

I agonize about every decision in my life.
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  #138  
Old Jul 23, 2020, 12:44 AM
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How about just focusing on the new pdoc fist. One issue at a time.
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  #139  
Old Jul 23, 2020, 01:45 AM
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No sleep happenin'.
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  #140  
Old Jul 23, 2020, 02:06 AM
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No sleep happenin'.

Hugs bpcyclist.......I got a solid four hours so far but even broken sleep is a bad sign for me.....
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  #141  
Old Jul 23, 2020, 02:08 AM
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Up late watching a movie
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  #142  
Old Jul 23, 2020, 03:02 AM
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Bad baaaaad things happened tonight. What a ****ing **** show.

I might be moving in with my brother later in time.

Things are ok. I'mma take zopiclone and zyprexa and sleep........................................................................................................................................................................... hopefully get more than two zz's
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  #143  
Old Jul 23, 2020, 07:43 AM
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Zero sleep. Albert wants to party and sun up. Oh well.
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  #144  
Old Jul 23, 2020, 09:17 AM
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Taking the bus to the grocery store later. Then hopefully I'll have enough energy after I get back to walk to the pharmacy and pick up one of my meds. If not I'll just go tomorrow. Just drinking some coffee now.
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  #145  
Old Jul 23, 2020, 10:26 AM
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Taking the bus to the grocery store later. Then hopefully I'll have enough energy after I get back to walk to the pharmacy and pick up one of my meds. If not I'll just go tomorrow. Just drinking some coffee now.

Hey bluebird do you know any good books set during Halloween Roll Call 172?
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  #146  
Old Jul 23, 2020, 10:33 AM
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Hey bluebird do you know any good books set during Halloween Roll Call 172?
I can't think of any off the top of my head but here's some lists from goodreads

Halloween Book Lists
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Diagnosis:
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Anorexia Binge/Purge type
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  #147  
Old Jul 23, 2020, 10:34 AM
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I enjoyed the Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman. And the Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson
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“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi


Diagnosis:
Schizoaffective disorder Bipolar type
PTSD
Social Anxiety Disorder
Anorexia Binge/Purge type
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  #148  
Old Jul 23, 2020, 11:15 AM
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I can't wait until Saturday but I have so much going on on Saturday. Taking Esther to the vet, T appointment, Eye doctor appointment. Plus it's my six month anniversary of my hospitalization and six months of no SH. I'm pretty sure my Dad will do something for that.
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  #149  
Old Jul 23, 2020, 11:25 AM
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Got my shopping done. About to get on the bus to go home. Only took me like 15 minutes in the store cause I only had a few items. Used self checkout.
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“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi


Diagnosis:
Schizoaffective disorder Bipolar type
PTSD
Social Anxiety Disorder
Anorexia Binge/Purge type
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  #150  
Old Jul 23, 2020, 12:36 PM
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Originally Posted by SlumberKitty View Post
I can't wait until Saturday but I have so much going on on Saturday. Taking Esther to the vet, T appointment, Eye doctor appointment. Plus it's my six month anniversary of my hospitalization and six months of no SH. I'm pretty sure my Dad will do something for that.
Congrats! Great job
__________________
“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi


Diagnosis:
Schizoaffective disorder Bipolar type
PTSD
Social Anxiety Disorder
Anorexia Binge/Purge type
Hugs from:
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