Roll Call 174

Not doing well.

Going in between being awake and in a daze, to sleeping for many hours.

I'm actually looking forward to my dentist appointment next Friday now because of so much tooth pain I just want relief

A good coffee could help + some nicotine or a nap, shower..

Had a Dr Pepper. A bit of a nap but I need more. And I got my vape.

Anyone else feel more energetic when they wear shoes vs being barefoot? I think it has something to do with the energy expulsed from you walking and bouncing on rubbery soft foam like shoes. There’s that bounce back in your step to keep you propelled forward easier than being barefoot, which is walking flat.

Sometimes I wear my shoes in the house to have more energy. Cuz my body feels heavy a lot from lethargy. I don’t feel so heavy in my shoes walking.

I haven't had a "mind rest" in about a week. I seem to be getting better.

I feel good today. I'll be going on a hike with my mom when she finishes work.

Then I start work tomorrow at 9am.

My day is okay. I walked outside. I can't seem to shake feeling like something is not quite right though. I feel kinda weird today. Maybe it's the weather or something. The weather has changed abruptly where I live.

The weather has changed here too.

It was 79 yesterday which is still hot or it was 80.

Today it was 64. Which is on the cooler side for Texas.

It was so nice and cool. I could taste the pumpkin spice latte as I locked my front door going outside.

I had on a black shirt and pumpkin orange pants today.

Me too, lol I have on my Halloween shirt and my orange halloween pajama pants

I think why I'm feeling off is because I made a quick decision to apply for a job I've basically never thought about realistically doing before. And I am feeling badly because I made that kind of impulsive choice today. I always feel bad after I make impulsive choices.

Good for you, Asparagae!!

They like to shoot stuff.

Hugs, newtus.

You are brilliant!!!! Yes!!

Yes, I definitely do this, too. When I have shoes on I feel like I can actually accomplish something.

Work is work. Payday tomorrow! Then it’s the weekend!

I’m excited to talk to my psychologist next week. I want to talk about OCD/intrusive thoughts and gender dysphoria. I don’t even know if she even has any experience with gender dysphoria. But I have to talk to someone about it. I’m part of some groups on Facebook and that and they’ve been helpful but like they aren’t professionals.

I also talk to my doctor on the 22nd. Just for a check in. Don’t know what I’ll say to him. See how it goes with my psychologist first. Idk how far I want to go with things. We’ll see what happens.

Mental health wise I’ve been pretty good. No psychosis. No mood swings really. Some intrusive thoughts and OCD bits and anxiety but otherwise pretty good.

The Air Quality Index here is 400!!!! That is so far past totally unhealthy, it is just insane. Should not have run today. Fires are destroying the west coast.

I'm feeling pretty down. Barely slept if at all, past is haunting me. I was a pretty crappy person for quite some time, but there's a reason I was, but nobody cares to understand why, nor is it a good idea to explain. I was a bad person, that is a fact. It's crazy how well mental illness can ruin a life.

I sat in my living room for over an hour today. That's progress. I'm trying to spend more time out of my bedroom

Did the hike! Little dissociation but not bad.

Hey all, playing ac, work and homework 📚 that’s my life right now....

so funny “this is my life”

It is mine too

What antipsychotic are you on? I feel like the olanzepine is allowing me to focus, have the ability to do things for longer and have patience.

I’m on Latuda. I’ve been on it for almost three years now? Lifesaver for me. I have no issues and wouldn’t change it for anything right now.

I’m also on Lexapro and Abilify and they help my anxiety and to take the edge off. I guess an option might be to increase the Lexapro but who knows.

Maybe just need to talk about things to get it off my chest. I notice that I’m not as anxious as I was when I first got back to the office. It’s probably the biggest thing that’s been on my mind lately.