Roll Call 174

When I get insurance next year I will get on Latuda. I'm a it nervous because Geodon works so well, but maybe it could be better... I'm noticing akathasia when I don't take my protein shake and maybe that has something to do with anhedonia as well. Hoping my insurance will partially pay or my ketamine as well.

Our stove doesn’t work

Olanzapine seems to work for me. That is a good thing. I still write every day. That is a good thing too. I wish I could finally finish my novel. But that will take time.

I also kinda think that if I were to finish my novel, I would become better off mentally.

Omg this thing is redonkulously huge!

Yes! I currently have the best pair of shoes I've ever had. The first try-on, they just rolled my feet from heel to beyond the toes, it was amazing. They're not cute to look at but wearing them is a treat.

out of the hospital, off clozaril and on seroquel

Had a long day today.

CPS wants to talk to me today because apparently I was "mean" to the kids.

HUGS @Erti

I texted my T today to see if she had any open appointments for tomorrow. She texted back and said she was going out of town tomorrow but she could call me today if I told her a good time. I told her I was working until 3:30 PM but that it was okay, I would just see her next Saturday since I don't like phone calls as much. She wrote back nope, 4 PM. So I don't know if that is 4 PM at her office or 4 PM on the phone. I texted her back to see but she hasn't responded. UGH. So now I don't know what is up. I do need to see her probably because I think I am probably in crisis a bit leftover from last week. I keep reminding myself that I don't want to go to the hospital, I don't want to go to the hospital. But I'm starting to not care. If I end up there, I end up there. Whatever.

I've been sleeping a lot when I'm not at work. It's my main coping mechanism right now. At least it's neutral, right? But the more I sleep the tireder I am and the more tired I am the more I want to sleep. It's a bad cycle, and then I don't feel like I am productive. Sigh.

T said in person so that's a relief.

Apparently I'm getting accused of sexual and physical abuse towards the kids and saying stuff like we have weapons in the house even though we all have mental health issues and wouldn't be able to get one legally anyways.

HUGS @Erti that's terrible!!! I hope that you can set the record straight. I know how much the kids mean to you.

Just had my appointment with my therapist. She's gonna see if she can find some CBT resources to email me to help me with my severe anxiety.

Thanks. I know with my past history of sexual, mental, and physical abuse I wouldn't imagine doing that to the kids. I don't know where the kids are getting it from. From roommates sister who has the kids or something.

I smell pizza, somebody in the building has it now I'm craving it

Feeling good today. I'm getting used to working. I'm getting better every day and fear dp/dr less. That means I can eventually push myself without cracking under stress.

I've been taking my meds as prescribed for almost 2 weeks now. No phenibut or benzos and only half of the zopiclone that I used to take.

The 10mg of olanzepine has been really good for me.

Vyvanse helps?

Omg no way that awful I’m sorry. You couldn’t hurt a fly I know that.

My therapist got me onto a waiting list to be in an eating disorder group at the clinic

Yeah, Vyvanse helps in the morning. I take it at like 4 AM but then I've been sleeping most afternoons that I am not working. Like maybe I need another stimulant after noon or something. But since I'm sleeping to cope with life, then I don't know what I would do.

That's great BB!

I've not ate at all today because of what's going on.