Roll Call 174

I can see why. Try to take care of yourself as best as you can though. I know it's hard.

I think my trapezius muscle is inflamed or something. I wish it were safe to go get some accupuncture or massage or something right now. Stupid Covid. Ugh. My shoulder hurts so dang much.

I lost my MBA diploma. Actually I don't remember ever actually receiving it, but I think I must have. I know where my BS diploma is, my AA diploma is, and my HS diploma, so why would I lose the one that means the most to me? I don't know. But regardless I wanted to get it replaced. So I filled out the form, sent the check to my University back either at the end of June or the beginning of July. I just got a call from the office of the registrar today saying they have it and will get it mailed out on Monday. I'm glad because I feel dumb that I don't have it. I'm going to get this one framed so I don't lose it again!

SP, this one is for you even though it doesn't have flowers. It's a picture of a lake called Silverwood Lake that I took yesterday on my phone.

I feel like hospital didn't help

I'm sorry falcon! I hope you feel better soon.

Don't give up. Something somewhere somehow can help you.

I talk to my pdoc tomorrow and man do I ever need her help. Like clockwork, I wake up at 430am every morning and can't fall back to sleep.

A guy at work is very angry so he didn't show up to work today, no call-no show. I hope he feels better by monday. He really dislaikes the new guys and I hope it doesn't become a problem. Their new, so expectations should be low.

It's non-stop with my revelations of how terrible a person I was, (still am?). Every day I'm reminded and it's really distressing me again. I talked to my therapist and he gave me a good perspective on it, and he's right that mental illness is the root cause, and certain reactions are a sort of survival mechanism.

You’re not a terribly person DT, 5 years knowing you and you’re one of the kindest people I know, and I’m sure everyone here agrees with me. Forgive yourself for what you did the past, it wasn’t your fault.

I’m trying to read this book. Carl Jung. God it’s so hard just to finish one page. I used to be a fast reader, especially in Uni. I need to really do an extra effort now.

C.-G.-Jung-Collected-Works-Volume-6_-Psychological-Types.pdf - Google Drive

Changed the windows in my room today and got my air conditioner serviced. I want to repaint the walls and get some new decorations next month.

"Depersonalization: 'woah wtf, i'm not in my body'
Derealization: 'woah wtf, im not im my world'
also, do you ever just depersonalize and you see that it looks like another person is using ur body and ur just lik"

I had derealization when I got home from the store so I took 0.25mg of clonazepam and took a nap. I feel better now..

Things are OK

But I'm sick and tired of myself. I just want to stop fighting. I'm so tired.

When the olanzepine kicks in, I'll try and read for an hour or half an hour. If I can't, I'll try and play PS4.

I give up for now

Beautiful!

Hey!!!

Hey you should be sleeping 😴

So should you! Lmao! I can’t. Ima go on my switch.

Good morning...

Work in half an hour..

I think I might be in ketosis already. I did a 20 hour fast and then ate pecans, sugar free yogurt, carbohydrate free cheese and bananas.

I put 5ml of MCT oil in my coffee (No sugar) + 10% fat creamer.

I should have more energy when my brain uses ketones instead of glucose...

When it gets to 2 days, I'll test my urine for ketones..

I'm on zyprexa, 5 mgs for sleep. I don't like the common side effects at all. If i don't like it I'm getting off of them asap.

I talked to my therapist on Monday. He told me to stop looking up psychology topics. I think I've been going a bit overboard with how I apply them to myself, but some of them are valid, i just shouldn't worry about them because I'm mostly past them, and it's all in hingsight now, but knowing them, being able to point at them, acknowledging now what caused them is also therapeutic.

I hope it works well for you. Did you see your pdoc yet?

I just talked to her, and zyorexa is what she prescribed. However, now I'm hesitant after seeing the common side effects off this drug. =(

These ketamine clinics want to suck patients dry. A $300 consultation fee? What in the world am I paying a pdoc for if I need my pdoc prescription to go see another pdoc? And then I have to ask them the very uncomfortable question, "Will it be okay if I only have the initial infusion and then do the nasal spray on my own in the safety of my own house?" This isn't looking good.