Roll Call 176

I find links between food and mood very interesting. I'm always looking up stuff about it. Anyway, I hope you feel better

I'll have to have my sister pick up a Christmas tree for me later this month. Hard to believe the holiday season is here already.

Super glad I feel able to focus on school these days. I have done almost two hours of work today.

Been having a lot of word salad recently and I'm dealing with my bestfriend and roommates grandfather passed this morning at 8:52. I can't complete my sentences... I can't process anything right now. I've been saying insensitive stuff without thinking about it. I can't processes it at all. Too much. It's my schizophrenic mind tells me lies but how come when I saw the grim reaper... the grim reaper stuff kept popping up. My friends kid dressed as the grim reaper... then going through my friends grandparents stuff a thing with a grim reaper pooped up. Grim Reaper come to take papa... He died peacefully...

I feel like a garbage individual for not being able to make up my mind about things. It sucks not being able to make a decision. I know what my decision is. But I think my parents just keep influencing me back towards my old psychiatrist, who is a bad fit for me. They keep convincing me I ought to keep seeing him. I don't understand why I can't employ my own autonomy here. I don't have a job or anything and am living off my parents' dime, but hey, news for them, but I can still assert myself about stuff. Dang.

Forgive me if I overstep here but is it possible you actually do better with your old pdoc? Sometimes there is a line we can’t see with psychosis so I come to rely heavily on the opinions of those around me...

Hugs erti....

My executive dysfunction is really ****ing bad.



I can't do things. It's ****ing killing me.

It's a long road to recovering.

Ordered a 12pk of Zevia zero calorie cream soda, 12pk of shrimp ramen noodle cups, and 12 4pks of sugar free vanilla pudding cups

Yeah, it's for sure possible. I think it's likely that I do better with my old pdoc. You're not overstepping, haha. It's actually really helpful to hear things like that because sometimes I get the sense that others want me to do a certain thing and I resist it a lot. But you're right, sometimes my decision-making process is just fried, so I need others to tell me what to do.

I had a few more things stolen since a day or so back. I wish they'd put thieves into instant jail here.

My friend might be moving into my apartment!!!!!!! I'm trying not to believe it too much because it might not happen but it would be wonderful!!!!! I hope it happens!!!!!!

I almost fainted last night. Was going downstairs to the kitchen to get a mango, then floor started moving and my vision turned into green. Then I slept for 12 hours. Feeling better now but still weak.

Can your friend send you something like a suitcase with a lock on it? You can wear the key on your neck like a necklace

It does feel like a family here

I feel like my neighbors are plotting to get me kicked out, they're outside laughing and talking

I hope you are feeling better.

I love everyone here too. It's safe here and I feel loved and cared about.

My cat has an appointment with the vet today at 11:30 AM. My Dad is taking her because I am at work. It's to check her blood glucose levels. I'm not too worried but always worried a little bit. I got out the carrier for my Dad and put a towel in it so it could get to room temperature for her. Last time my Dad forgot to put a towel in the bottom and I'm like hello? My cat is probably uncomfortable! My Dad was like, it was all I could do to get her in the carrier. Luckily we have one that opens from the top and the side. With Amelia we have to put her in a pillow case and then put her in the carrier because she freaks out at the sight of it. Esther who is the cat going to the vet today just puts her paws out like nope, no way am I going in that!

I'm getting a migraine. I turned off the lights in my office and I shut the blinds. The only lights I have on are (don't judge) the lights from the little Christmas tree I put in my office. Yes I know it is November 5th but I am excited for the holidays. I hope my migraine gets better though.

I went to Target last night to get some cards, a birthday card and a sympathy card. Of course I checked out the holiday area. I got some wrapping paper. One with llamas on it and another one with cat mermaids! I think I'm in love! Cat mermaids! LOL! So cute!!!!

I hope your migraine goes away do you have anything to take for it?

I'm excited about the holidays too. I get so hyper this time of year because I'm always so happy. lol I have a yule log dvd that has Christmas songs, I'm probably gonna start putting it on soon. Maybe I'll do it today. Yeah, that would be great. I can't wait to get a tree up. It will be my first Christmas here at my new apartment.

I'm trying to get myself adjusted to waking up earlier since I have to be up early to get to my group on Fridays. I'm aiming to get up at 5am because I don't like rushing, I like having plenty of time in the morning before I start doing things. And my rides will be here around 10am every week so I have to be ready. Today I woke up at 7:30 which is good for me. I'll slowly wake up earlier and earlier over the next week.

Giving my friend some money today because if he's able to get to the store he's gonna pick up the expansion to the Arkham Horror card game for me, if he's not able to he'll go another time

My hair is growing out again, I can put it in a little ponytail now. But I think in January I'm gonna get it cut. I might get a pixie cut. I've had one (only once) before but it was a long time ago. It was just so much easier to maintain. Plus it will be easier to dye different colors (like green, purple, etc) once I get it professionally bleached.

I’m so tired

I read that as “my dad has an appt at the vet. My cat is taking him”

Just woke up