Roll Call 176

SlumberKitty · Nov 10, 2020, 03:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Erti

My friends cousin who OD on mine and my other roommates meds is doing well. He was on the ventilator a couple days ago... He's doing better and messaged me saying he was headed to the psych hospital. I'm happy he's physically alright.

This is good news!

Nov 10, 2020, 03:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Erti

My friends cousin who OD on mine and my other roommates meds is doing well. He was on the ventilator a couple days ago... He's doing better and messaged me saying he was headed to the psych hospital. I'm happy he's physically alright.

Hopefully he gets the help he needs from the psych hospital.

Erti · Nov 10, 2020, 03:44 PM

Me too. I hope he'll be alright. I gave him my number

newtus · Nov 10, 2020, 05:29 PM

For about 2 or 3 days I’ve been experiencing this nonchalant-ness with my emotions which has translated to my attitude. Almost like a numb feeling. So everything has been rolling off my back and I’ve been very cool and calm despite even the anxiety past couple of days.

It worries me actually cuz I’m not on edge like I am. It’s like I’ve gone from worrying every second to taking a backseat to everything. Hope nothing is wrong with me.

newtus · Nov 10, 2020, 05:31 PM

Maybe it’s the ativan idk and lack of sleep

Desoxyn · Nov 10, 2020, 05:36 PM

Saw my doctor. He didn't get the instructions from my psychiatrist to switch to Invega Trinza yet.

I told him that the 5mg Dexedrine in the evening is enough. I mentioned my lack of motivation, slight depression and panic attacks.

He asked if I got my ski pass. I did! I might go skiing on Thursday.

I told him that I'll need med refills before the 20th (When I leave to the island) and he said for me to see him next week.

I'm still having a hard time by adding things to my meds.

SlumberKitty · Nov 10, 2020, 05:38 PM

Yeah Desoxyn! Glad you got your ski pass! Sounds fun!

Angelique67 · Nov 10, 2020, 06:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

I woke up today after sleeping for 12 hours. I’ve been sleeping much more lately - I don’t know why. I managed to read a book for an hour today and then spent like 2 hours lying down in bed with my eyes closed. I didn't fall asleep but I'm extremely unhappy and feel like a zombie almost.

I took olanzepine before it happened.

I just want to feel better. I want to feel ok. I'm overwhelmed by everything. Sometimes I seem ok but I'm really just distracting myself. I want some sort of meaning and I have hope for great things but I don't know how to get there.

All I have is technology - It's cold outside, I have no friends.

I'm sick of being in such an unhappy state. I can't let go.

I can’t explain that my environment limits me - It’s not aesthetic and very uncomfortable - It may be because of autism symptoms.

I get very little done every day. It’s like I’m dreaming of a different life and at the same time, I have trouble starting new things - When I plan to do something, I can’t stop wanting to just relax and rest my mind instead of watching a movie, playing games, learning or doing anything that I want which requires mental effort.

It’s like the antipsychotics are sedating my mind too much. I wish I didn’t have to take medications - But maybe it has nothing to do with medications. I was this same way at age 12. Daydreaming is what relaxes my mind.

I’m much more aware now and regret not wanting to improve myself in the past - All it was was my ex step dad telling me to do chores all day every day in isolation. I’ve developed a conviction that I just don’t want to put in any effort because it didn’t get me anywhere - Although I know that it gets easier getting a little bit closer to a destination which a little different than what I imagined.

*I told my mom to read this and we had a talk - I'll be going on a vacation on the 20th which is what we need*

Does it help to plan your activities? Like "read for an hour at 1pm", "look into paragliding at 2

m", "baking school at 3pm" etc. Give yourself rewards between activities. You can start with a list of activities you want to do.

WastingAsparagus · Nov 10, 2020, 06:55 PM

I took a Klonopin. Forgot how tired they make me. Like they're called tranquilizers for a reason.

Angelique67 · Nov 10, 2020, 07:18 PM

Dinner wasn't much and I'm hungry again. I shouldn't have eaten the bread. My hand tremors are getting worse, and it's really depressing me. First the middle finger of the left hand, then the whole left hand, and now, fingers on my right

. I've been feeling guilty today, feeling like a lazy bum when the cleaners were here, wondering what makes a difference now, why am I not on a cleaning crew instead of lying in bed at 2pm.

Desoxyn · Nov 10, 2020, 07:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Angelique67

Does it help to plan your activities? Like "read for an hour at 1pm", "look into paragliding at 2

m", "baking school at 3pm" etc. Give yourself rewards between activities. You can start with a list of activities you want to do.

I have been doing that but I fail. I'll try again by planning tomorrows things tonight thx

Blue_Bird · Nov 10, 2020, 08:03 PM

Staying up all night

falcon09 · Nov 10, 2020, 08:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Staying up all night

same but it's not a good idea lol

Blue_Bird · Nov 10, 2020, 08:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by falcon09

same but it's not a good idea lol

Yeah definitely a bad idea. But I like doing it anyway lol

I'm glad to see you around, have been wondering how you've been doing

falcon09 · Nov 10, 2020, 08:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Yeah definitely a bad idea. But I like doing it anyway lol

I'm glad to see you around, have been wondering how you've been doing

im good! Can't remember if i said it here, but I'm transgender. So I just started hormone therapy today! Good times

Blue_Bird · Nov 10, 2020, 09:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by falcon09

im good! Can't remember if i said it here, but I'm transgender. So I just started hormone therapy today! Good times

That's great!

Erti · Nov 10, 2020, 10:35 PM

TW - Could be triggering...

Venting... (triggering talks of sexual and other types of abuse)

Possible trigger:

Lots of thoughts plage my head. If it isn't one thing it's another. I've been abused and bullied most my childhood and teen years. On top of it... mental illness. I don't want to be pitied... I want to be known as strong. I've been sexually abused from around the age of 2 up until I was 7... It was bad... My first memory of it was when I was 3... I remember telling my mom that it hurt but probably didn't know what I was talking about... Then I remember having thoughts of stabbing my moms ex boyfriend when I was like 5 or 6 years old... He beat on my dog. He and my mom would get into fights and at times physical while I hide in my room. I had nightmares of sexually abused when going to bed as a kid when it was happening. I know one thing though... when I first started my period at the age of 12 1/2 I hid my bloody underwear. It triggered something in me from when I was younger... he raped me and I'd hide my bloody underwear so when my period started I tried hiding it like I did as a kid... (sorry if it's tmi). This is probably why I see spirits of little kids sometimes who are all bloodied and bruised... They are attracted to me. they tell me to help them but sadly I can't. It's scary.... the visions the voices of spirits. if they're not insulting me they're asking me for help. I try to put my trauma aside but this doesn't help. I'm a little girl in my head asking for mommy when mommy can't save them. I'm helpless and hopeless. I love you mom...

Desoxyn · Nov 11, 2020, 02:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WastingAsparagus

Have you ever thought about doing things on the site Meetup.com? They (most likely) have virtual meetups where you live. I've done a few and it helps me feel less alone. Then maybe you could meet some people in real life...

Idk I live in a small town in the mountains where it's only tourists. If I was in a city, I would do meetups.

I honestly feel so alone. I feel good but I'm sad. I feel like I'm missing out in life.

I'm going to be making a drastic change in my life starting around now. I'm gonna try and start doing things that will make me happy - Although I feel really isolated.

I talked with my mom about this last night which is why she said we're going on vacation in 2 weeks if everything doesn't get shut down again due to COVID.

Desoxyn · Nov 11, 2020, 05:18 AM

It's 3am. I felt good but sad at the same time. Then I realize that if I'm mindful and don't take life so seriously, I feel so content. All I want to feel is content.

I think I'll be applying this sort of philosophy to my life - And as I said, a big change will happen in my life I believe.

Staying up until the AM's always gives me Nirvana - No one would believe me though.. Just like that time I thought I figured out the meaning to the universe and I thought that no one would believe me. The deepest fundamental secret that you need to know is that, - "For every outside, there is an inside"..

Anyways Imma sleep. I will lift you all up in your deepest miseries!.. No. I can't do that.. But I'm here for you all with the power of the Gods (If you believe in them).. Satan helps to make things fun sometimes so remember that..

Gnight =] Tomorrow for you all may be good or bad - But remember, the bad days prepare you for good days...

And I can't believe how much my symptoms are basically non-existent.. Even the negative symptoms. Soon enough I'll be in a bad state. But that's ok..

Everything is ok... Don't be scared.. Reality is creepy and scary but the fear is all in the mind.. Like a coronavirus ridden bat cave.

WastingAsparagus · Nov 11, 2020, 08:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

Idk I live in a small town in the mountains where it's only tourists. If I was in a city, I would do meetups.

I honestly feel so alone. I feel good but I'm sad. I feel like I'm missing out in life.

I'm going to be making a drastic change in my life starting around now. I'm gonna try and start doing things that will make me happy - Although I feel really isolated.

I talked with my mom about this last night which is why she said we're going on vacation in 2 weeks if everything doesn't get shut down again due to COVID.

Ah, I see.

Does your job make you feel less isolated? Sometimes having something to do like that helped me in the past. I don't have a job now.

newtus · Nov 11, 2020, 10:39 AM

Fxkn family, man. I’m tired.

I’ve already decided I’m not going to my moms for Christmas and I’m not even crying about my mom right now. Damn.

SlumberKitty · Nov 11, 2020, 11:34 AM

Today I feel rather sad. No....sad isn't the right word....melancholy perhaps. I thought about calling in to work but instead I got my Dad up and he made breakfast for me (I was running late because I slept in an extra hour and had to wash my hair). But I thought about calling in just so I could have a mental health day. Just zone out and watch TV and such. My weekend is going to be so busy that I feel like I need some time just to chill but I didn't call out, I came to work anyway. I still have one sick day to use for the year so I do want to use it (it is use it or lose it). But I should plan a day off. Otherwise my parents get too worried about me. It did feel good to sleep in an extra hour. I'm still a bit tired though.