Roll Call 176

I need to stay away from carbs and fast food.

I’m doing fine when I don’t eat them. But at a grocery store pizza last night and immediately felt sad and low energy after. Slept and then felt fine.

Then fiancé ordered Lo mein for me and I felt fine but then after I ate it my brain felt foggy and I felt low mood and low energy again.

Remember this is all after I been eating fairly healthy or homemade meals for a week.

Haha!

Probably feels that way!

That's a good idea. I don't know if they'd let me but I should ask.

I still want to get off of Xanax XR. I am taking 1 mg daily. I am going to try getting onto Klonopin tomorrow. My pdoc said I could try this. (I have decided to go back to my old pdoc). Klonopin, in the past, has been easier for me to get off of.

It's just like a constant struggle because I know Xanax XR helps with anxiety but, (a) I don't want to feel like a zombie, and (b), I don't want to be dependent on a drug to combat my anxiety. And I also think Xanax XR makes me feel more "out of it" than usual. Other than that it's a great drug.

I need some way to make extra money. I wanna get fiancé this computer. But idk if it’s possible.

We have money. We aren’t broke right now but not money for that. I can’t do Instacart anymore since someone hacked my acct.

My brain feels so foggy and it hurts

That bump on the back of my neck that probably was caused by being on my phone too much, idk...if I get skinny enough I'll look disfigured. Cuz I got it when I was skinny and I looked bad. My mom said I looked like an Ogre.

Well that was rude of her! Besides I saw your pic on here once and you are beautiful!

My cat Esther had a vet appointment today to check on her blood glucose. The vet wants her to go to the animal hospital and have an IV because her blood glucose is too high. (She's probably stressed at being at the vet but she also snacks which makes it hard to control her blood sugar. I tried to get my parents to not give her snacks but it is hard for them when she is crying because she is hungry.) So now my Dad is taking her to an animal hospital a couple of towns over because we don't have one. He called and let them know what was going on and they said she could come in. This is going to be really expensive, I can feel it, and plus I thought she was getting better so this is killing me. Plus I'm at work. Plus I'm suicidal today, before I even knew about Esther.

I'm sorry SK, I hope Esther gets better and that you feel better
Are there any coping skills you can use while at work? I don't know how busy you are but maybe listen to some relaxing music or watch a funny video online. I know that doesn't solve anything but could help a bit. Those are just 2 ideas but there's tons as you know

Distraction is good! Distress tolerance skills are good too! I am sorry you're feeling that way! And I'm sorry about your cat, too! I wish I had something I could do to help!

Pdoc says I need to work on my sleep schedule and stress management and here I am can’t sleep cuz the election!

I have trouble eating solid food (fear of choking) I always get extreme anxiety when I'm eating and it's so unpleasant. So that's why I ordered all that soup and pudding cups. I'm trying to get over my anxiety and fear but it's hard. It's become like a phobia.

Maybe I should order some ensure nutrition shakes too, because I avoid eating due to my anxiety

Edit: Just ordered some. At least it will take some of the stress off of me knowing I can replace one of my 3 main meals with that each day. Then I only have the other two meals to worry about.

I only have 2 more payments left on that student account bill I owe, so I'm almost done paying it off. Will be finished in January.

Wow, that's great!

My Dad called and the vet is having Esther stay overnight. We have to take them some insulin though because they don't have any (?????). So when I get off of work in a few minutes my Dad and I are going back to the vet hospital to give them the insulin. I hope they let me see Esther.

Yeah, I probably won't be able to start taking classes again just yet in the spring because of when they start but I should be able to get signed up for summer or fall.

This pretty much applies to everyone....just so you know.....

I'm trying my best to eat healthy now, not binge/purge/or restrict anymore. I want to have lasting recovery like I did, I actually had a year where I didn't do any of that, but it slowly started happening again. So hopefully I can get back to that and just stay recovered forever.

I'm trying to limit my news watching because the election stuff is stressing me out too much. I watch a little in the morning and then I don't want to watch any more. My parents and I voted opposite so that's fun. Sigh. They try watching FOX news and I'm like turn that off! Watch it when I'm not home!

I hope they let you see Esther SK. That's weird that they don't already have insulin on hand when they're an animal hospital. I don't watch the news either, I'm sure I'll hear about things on Facebook, but I try to limit any news stuff cause it makes me stressed and panicky