Roll Call 182

im at my moms house for a couple nights for my birthday. my sister also has psychosis and shes less functioning than i am, but her psychosis came about later in her life than mine did. its so hard to see her not well. i feel as if i dont know who she is anymore? which in turn makes me feel bad, because i should know what its like. which, i do. but watching someone you love in deep psychosis while you yourself have psychosis is a very strange experience. its brought me a lot of insight, but also lots of pain

My understanding is you can have autism first and then develop sz but that autism is developmental so you would have it as a kid. I believe they got rid of aspergers in the dsm now anyway. That’s why I was asking cog how the label would help because basically the pdocs decided it didn’t.

when im having obsessive thoughts that just go into loops and spirals at warp speed...... i listen and sing to music. mainly 90s alt rock cuz i know all the lyrics to those songs. idk it helps me. just a suggestion. i know how maddening obsessive thinking can be

yeah i agree. i try to focus on my symptoms and what i can do to alleviate each one, or at least learn how to cope with them and still be able to function. i dont think psychology is an absolute science. it cant be. its all theoretical. i view diagnoses as mainly just a tool for insurance billing. which in the USA thats pretty much all its for

It’s just my brain is highly out of whack right now.

But really I’ve always wanted to know all about who I am and put labels. Ever since I was a kid I felt wrong. The older I get the more I realize things about myself which makes me feel better. If I have a label I can handle it. Not knowing freaks the **** out of me and makes me feel lost.

It’s just how I am. My obsessive thinking wants answers x 10.

I just shouldn’t have said anything.

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Took the olanzepine just now - Late though. I'm trying to do everything like alleviate stress. I have everything I need online which kills the novelty out of everything.

I'm on the computer constantly. I wanted to go for a walk but it started snowing and it's dark.

I just can't get tf out of this hell. I work tomorrow which isn't bad - So I'll sleep early but I woke up late.

I have so much to say but I feel like I'm being negative and dysphoric. It can't be like this but it is - People have to stay in their houses BILLIONS of people. Wtf. What is this.

I could do anything - No time for things. I'm floating through an endless abyss and my beliefs of the circle don't help. I want it to be warmer already - Maybe have some people around. I've been isolated for most of my life. I used to do nothing but feel pain.

I suppose it’s easy enough or me to say now but I was looking for my label for years mostly because I wanted to know outcomes. I wasn’t trying to judge.

"Humans require social contact. Over time, the stress of being isolated can cause a range of mental health problems. According to Dr. Sharon Shalev, who authored A Sourcebook on Solitary Confinement in 2008, these problems may include:

anxiety and stress
depression and hopelessness
anger, irritability, and hostility
panic attacks
worsened preexisting mental health issues
hypersensitivity to sounds and smells
problems with attention, concentration, and memory
hallucinations that affect all of the senses
paranoia
poor impulse control
social withdrawal
outbursts of violence
psychosis
fear of death
self-harm or suicide"

^-;

Sporadically looking at articles and listening to music.

Music sounds good. That's all that matters.. That my musical brain doesn't deteriorate. If it's all I have left, I'll be ok.

I've been listening to music too. Obsessively. But in a good way I guess.

I started an IOP program the other day. Well, actually yesterday.

I think it has been helpful. Only thing that concerns me is that they are wanting to change my meds. Only slightly but it still makes me nervous as ****.

Try to take care of yourself though! You deserve it!

I struggle with the same thoughts.

The future holds nothing according to me.

There has to be some reason to carry on though.

Also anybody know if Geodon (ziprasidone) is a good med? I am researching things.

Thanks. I keep thinking about what the video chat people said to me 1-2 years ago. Idk why it bothers me still. I was doing my best and it wasn't enough - But they were strangers so idk why I care - Although any thing people say to me, usually are good things. I'm extreme sensitive. Idk how I'm still alive.

Hey, I have traumas too. I mean I remember when I was acutely psychotic and yelling at people (or so maybe I thought I was being mean to them or something and it wounded me somehow).

I have never recovered completely from those emotional hurts.

You (like me) just gotta be kind to yourself. It's hard.

Oh and I also think of the time I sang at an open mic night. It's a song. Depressing. Then I started mocking the guy who said, in the front row, "really cheerful." Anyway. That's a trauma all right.

Sorry if my last post was too much for people. ****. I just feel like I had to get that out somewhere.

I'm gonna go for a walk and listen to alan watts then try to sleep

Kinda feel like being noncompliant with my meds.

I wish you tons of good luck. That's kind of amazing that they made a card you have to have in order to fly. Wow.

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Hey junkdna , happy birthday!

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I read this as litter box.

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I wish I were at a resort with my friend with a private beach. I want to sit on the beach with alcoholic drinks, breathing the fresh sea air, and close enough to sit in the surf. It would be so relaxing.

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Oh no what did it say

I guess I’m one of the few people and maybe the only person on schiz forum that I get paid to talk about what I go through.