Roll Call 186

It’s night....sleep and read when you wake up?

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I work 4 mornings a week and another 2 days a week, I hike.. It is only Thursday that is left..

It's going to be okay BB. You have gotten through these inspections before and you are going to get through this one. You showed up for the pick up trash around the place thing, which was awesome. And your sister has been over to your apartment. She doesn't think it is dirty. I really think you're going to be okay. Try not to give into the thoughts.

I see Dr K tonight telehealth. Have to tell him about my relapse but it was 15 days ago. It feels like it was ages ago and not relevant although I know in my head that it is relevant. Just it's not fresh in my mind and it's not as urgent. Having an appointment with him last week would have been more helpful. I don't know. Maybe I should find another T or pack it all in and give up on the whole venture. At least I can also talk about my nervousness over tomorrow's diagnostic mammogram and diagnostic ultrasound. He will probably not be sympathetic. He's not the sympathetic sort. He's like, that isn't too long to wait. That isn't a big deal. Well it's a big deal to me. I'm actually not nervous nervous. Just a little worried. If it is cancer I'll deal with it. I was lucky last time because it hadn't spread and was able to be surgically removed. And I do have a cancer insurance policy that will pay out if I get cancer and can't work for a while. Thank you Colonial Life. But it probably isn't cancer. It's likely something benign. Statistically.

I'll keep you in my prayers Kit

Thank you so much! I really hope it does go well. You're right, my sister never thinks it's dirty and I should trust her because she keeps her place immaculate. And also, she's really honest/blunt so she would likely say something if my apartment was getting to be a mess, not out of rudeness but out of concern for my mental health.

I had a video appointment with my psychiatrist. She said I can stop the trilafon if I want to but she said she's gonna continue prescribing it in case I feel like I need it after I stop it so I don't have to go through a tough time if things get bad once I'm off it and it's out of my system. She's happy that I'm going to be getting into vocational rehabilitation and is glad I'm doing well. She asked if I still play the ukulele and if it helps me manage my stress, I said yes definitely, I've been practicing a lot lately. I see/talk to her again in two months.

In the morning I did laundry, took out the trash, and swept/mopped the bathroom and kitchen floors

My care manager is stopping by in 45 minutes to have me review the paperwork for the vocational rehabilitation program

I was sitting outside in the courtyard waiting for my care manager and this lady who lives in my apartment complex asked if she could use my phone because hers wasn't working. So I let her, then like 10 minutes later she came outside with a cold canned Sparkling Clementine seltzer water and gave it to me, she said she was concerned about me because of the heat. It's 90 degrees outside and there's a heat advisory saying the heat index could get up to 105 -110 degrees. That was so nice of her.

Anyway, my care manager gave me the application to the vocational rehab program to fill out. Once I fill it out she'll come back and pick it up and send it in for me. Then she said her sister has a cat that is about to have kittens and that I could have one of them if I want! So I might have a cat soon!!

We went over my treatment plan and goals. She's gonna contact my primary care doctor and see if I'm due for a checkup or bloodwork anytime soon. Since one of my goals is to lose weight and lower my cholesterol. And my other goal is obviously getting part-time work which we're working on.

My water got disconnected all last week because instead of just the past due balance the water company wanted the entire balance.. I couldn't pay it so I went a week without running water. When I could finally take a shower last night I felt so good

It seems to be pretty effective for some people. Make sure you find someone that is trauma informed and specifically trained in EMDR

Oh that sucks. They should have at least given you a payment plan. I don't know how utilities work but I mean, c'mon. Water is important. I'm glad you got your water back on. HUGS!

Thank you. Yeah I thought they would too.. But guess not. I'm just so relieved to have it back on.. It was awful

I *officially* started saving for my trip to Ethiopia which won't happen until sometime after the pandemic is over. But still I need time to save up. I only put $50 aside so far but it's a start and I'm pleased. I put an "auto save" on the account so that every month it will get added to and then one of these days I'll have enough money to go!

Appts all the time. Like one everyday.

I’m so sleepy 🥱

My God! That's crazy cool.. You should visit those church temples carved into the mountains.

Life can be a beautiful thing! Don't let your mentally ill thoughts tell u otherwise! x.>

My doctor said I could stop the triliafon if I want to because I asked to but that she’d keep prescribing it in-case I need to take it. I’m kind of scared now to stop it. Like I’m doing well and I don’t want to mess that up especially with the vocational rehabilitation stuff coming up and starting to work part-time. I feel like that’s gonna be somewhat stressful and it may not be the best time to mess with my meds. Idk. But at the same time I want to be on less meds. If I was off this one then I’d only be on 4 different meds instead of 5 (not including my 1 prn I try to rarely take, klonopin)

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Yeah I'm on 5 meds right now. I guess it's better that way for me. I want to be more consistent with my meds given that right now I'm doing pretty decently. I just moved into a new apartment. Sometimes the meds are what we need. For me, I have to be really cautious, especially if my psychiatrist suggests that we change things. I have to ask him, "Why?" sometimes, and that's really hard for me to do.

How’s the new place working out?

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I fell into a weird deep depression that I'm not really out of yet. I've missed everyone though. For anxiety I watch the same handful of tv eps every night. Not sure what's wrong with me. I hope everyone is ok.

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It's good so far! Thanks for asking!

Angelique we missed you!

I must have missed that. Did you move out? How does it feel?

I have my appointment today at 2 PM PST for my diagnostic mammogram and diagnostic ultrasound. I'm not too nervous yet but I will probably get high level anxiety right before. Probably will take a Xanax so I can be chill throughout the appointment. I'm *fairly certain* that it is nothing but you never know. It's a little nerve wracking if I let myself think about it. Which I am trying NOT to do.