Roll Call 186

My mom came home and told me that I should do things for her. I got agitated - I do many things.. But work was busy af and I hate doing mindless things when I know that the world has gone to **** because of New World Order. Idk what will happen...

But anyways, I watered the plants and picked tomatoes from the tomato plant. My sister asked me if I'm OK and I said "Not really. The OCD is bothering me". I drank some rum that was hidden from me underneath the kitchen sink.

Oh crap.. I can't type anymore. It has kicked in. But anyways, anxiety was gone when walking past people - Thinking that they can read my mind etc..

I did so many research chemicals - Yet I'm afraid of the vaccine. Many people in the psych ward were impressed by my journey into the research chemical realm - But in particular, the pedo was mesmerized by the journey. I thought he was a friend but only wanted sex. Stupid that I open myself up after the good trips and that's what happens - I go into my shell again. Alexander Shulgin magic to hypnotize the world with awe and my incarnation of using his chemicals gets me into weirdness.

I was going to tell my mom about the rum but why? She would just lecture me about mental illness bla bla bla hypocrite because she's drinking wine right now for stress. I am stressed too and yet every chemical that I use to self medicate, it's a big problem. I don't trust psychiatry enough what would you think of a person with schizophrenia having that opinion that the antipsychotics are poison/chemical lobotomy knowing the history of psychiatry etc? It blocks every receptor in my brain. I also microdosed the lowest amount but it didn't help.

Expect to see me digging my own grave here.

I wanted to meditate, to make a Monero wallet. Because the government is cracking down on crypto. It's stupid that it's a spiritual war and intelligent people have no idea. At least some of the globalists you must accept are smarter than you - The smartest people and laws created to rule the world and enslave the human race.

Enough! I will wait until my neurons are functional again. It was a mistake - Maybe. But at least I'm not sui and that's all that matters. Music can be good.