Roll Call 186

Here's a good article on it, it's really good. I like to get coconut milk tea with popping mango boba

Boba Explained: Types of Bubble Tea, and How to Order - Eater

I'm thinking of trying out this sheet pan chicken fajita recipe sometime:

Sheet Pan Chicken Fajitas - Damn Delicious

I hope one week without my abilify injection doesn't cause weird side effects or withdrawals or anything

((hugs SK))

12am, your painting is getting better every time you complete something = )

I took off this coming up monday so it will be a 3 day weekend. I have big plans for this weekend. The afterglow has worn off. : / I wonder if it is neurogenesis effects. Desoxyn, this is your expertise, do you know if this could have long term effects?

Your antipsychotic is a 5HT2A receptor agonist - The mush does the opposite. Any benzos that you've taken will stop the afterglow because benzos/seroquel/olanzepine are used as "ideal trip killers".

"Colors get enhanced with increased conscious awareness and reduced autopilot awareness.

Our body benefits most by becoming autopilot. It's what learning is about. So perhaps learning is reduced.

This could occur due to GABA effects. Reduced learning may increase the novelty of life more and allow you to focus better. Because everything will be more interesting because it makes less obvious sense right away.

Try to realize that consciousness and learning can be opposites in a way. Learning aims to reduce consciousness and increase habit and auto pilot behaviors. Consciousness is comes in when you experience novel things."

- So that's kind of what an afterglow means i think. During the session, right side of brain creativity is increased and after a while, analytical left brain pattern recognition is increased more than before taking. So long periods between sessions is best otherwise you can screw things up and end up with Alice and Wonderland Syndrome or Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD).

But this is also present in spiritual awakening and schizophrenia. Prolonged psychosis can solidify unrelated patterns which can be hard to break. idk. If schizophrenia is caused by trauma, dealing with the trauma/avoidance of pain, suffering and masking, filtering .. by increasing consciousness, the symptoms of schiz can get better. It's the opposite approach to blocking basically every receptor in the brain and making you partially dead/lowered consciousness (Cuz the wrong patterns in a higher consciousness state kills neurons.. same as neurons having reduced activity/firing compared to their potential.. So they die too).

Good environment and mind state before taking antipsychotics or psychedelics is key.

I'm thinking of calling my doctor tomorrow and having her send out a prescription for abilify tablets so I can just take those instead of waiting to get my injection a week late. I've gotten better with taking pills so maybe I can just switch to the tablets instead

Our resident in-house scientist

Also SP

Was sooooo busy today

BUT

Went to the post office. Filled my gas tank up. Got an eye exam. And went to therapy.

God I’m so proud of myself.

I'm really losing my mind.

Every time I lay down to sleep for the last few nights I hear a rhythmic tapping as if by a tree branch on a window. But it's like, through my wall, like it's coming from my neighbors apartment.

Idk if I'm hallucinating this? I can't fricking sleep listening to the tapping all the time.

I can't hear it at all when not trying to sleep......

I've really been battling a lot of anxiety this week, so far. Part of it is just anxiety about getting anxious. Part of it is I'm having trouble getting a couple of prescriptions filled which is really just a nuisance and not a crisis--I need to remind myself that. Part of it is the change of the new dog and getting to know her. And part of it turned out to be my fasting too much.

I'll eat today and meditate. I'll take another break from drawing and go to my folk's place for dinner this evening. (Our usual date). I'm already feeling better just thinking about this.

Hope everyone has a peaceful day.

I suppose I have anxiety. But I like it. I took a benzo yesterday and felt more comfortable - But I didn't feel productive. I thought it could be paranoia - But no, it was anxiety. I think it was cuz I had two strong coffees yesterday morning instead of one.

I just need to meditate and such. It's hard for me to live. There's so much I can't feel - Bit of anhedonia. I know if I use ecstasy, I'll feel so much ecstasy/euphoric depression/hypomania but I'll be less analytical.

I've been sleeping a LOT lately.. I haven't used a sleeping pill in like a week. I think it might have something to do with the vaccine idk.. But I drink a strong coffee every morning with Vyvanse.

I use all of my meds and chems intuitively. My intuition of using them has prevented death.

My desk is supposed to arrive today.. Then I will be happy..

Sorry falcon, I hope whatever it is goes away and you can get some sleep

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I decided to just wait for my injection instead of switching over to the pills. So I get it next Tuesday. I think I’ll be okay until then even though it’s late.

I weighed myself today. And I’m 155 lbs. which isn’t bad considering how I was eating for awhile. I thought I would have gained like 25 lbs over the past several months of not weighing myself. I’d like to get down to 130lbs. I think that’s reasonable.

Made some hard boiled eggs today. I’m wanting to start cooking more and experimenting with recipes. Next Friday I’m making banana bread

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Great job! I want to have one of those productive days again. I haven’t had one this past week.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

My next therapy appointment is on Monday. And it’s in-person!!! I’m excited , it’s been a looooong time since we’ve had an in-person appointment.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Got a Big Mac for lunch!

I tried to get a sooner appointment with my therapist. Turns out he only works Mondays and Tuesdays. I didn't know what. What a pain. He is booked next week (of course) but she put me on a wait list. So I guess if there is a cancellation or something they can call me. Then I have my regular scheduled appointment on the 10th. So much for trying to get help sooner. Mental Health care sucks around here.

The pharmacy keeps texting me and telling me I am out of refills for the Latuda. I am like I should have another one because my Dr sends them in threes. But because I saw him a month early he may have thought I had one from back then. So I called the pharmacy. They said I have a script for 40 mg of Latuda but I think I am on 60 mg of Latuda. And now I don't know what I am supposed to take. So I called my pdoc's office. No one answered. So I left a message on his voicemail explaining who I was, my phone number and what the problem was. Sometimes he goes hiking and camping in the woods though and is out of cell phone range. I think I only have two pills left. If I run out the hallucinations might come back full force. I am worried about that. Last time he got back to me at the end of the day so I am hopeful he will get back to me at the end of the day. He usually works Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. So hopefully I hear from him and hopefully he knows what I am supposed to be taking and hopefully he can get a prescription called into my pharmacy so I don't run out. What a pain.

And, I just want to whine. My arm hurts from the recent SH. That still doesn't stop me from wanting to do more though. I'm such an idiot.

I’m craving some macaroni and cheese. Like super cheesy made with real cheese baked Mac and cheese. And a milkshake. Omg that would be so good right now.

But I’m getting food from that place on Sunday. Fried chicken or chicken strips, fries and bubble tea.

On Friday I’m going to that cleanup/lunch day outside. I think we’re having hotdogs or burgers or something like that.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I hope he gets back to you today!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

ugh there's this recipe for edible peanut butter cookie dough for one (no eggs in it) and I know it by heart now, it's so good, and I just want to make some but I'm trying to lose weight, I can't stop thinking about it

Or make 3 ingredient peanut butter cookies

Peanut butter cookies sound good. Plus don't you have that 5lb container of PB?

Yes I do haha

The demon is back in my head. I talked/texted with one of my support peeps. I don't think she knows what to think because she was like. Get some rest. Hope you feel better. Keep reaching out. But nothing truly helpful. Although it's good to know I can keep talking to her. I suppose she can confer with Pastor T (that's her husband) on what to do about the voice in my head. Stupid voices. Telling me to hurt myself.