Roll Call 187

Can you meditate? Sometimes I find that gives me some clarity. I use the app Headspace. I don't know about others, but I know that app has helped me A LOT in life. Of course, you don't have to do it. But just an idea I thought of.

Hugs bluebird....this is so not true....if you need to talk we’re here for you...

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Thanks SP and WastingAsparagus, I appreciate everyone here. I’m just frustrated with myself. I’m a failure in so many different ways.

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My sister is incoherent....they switched her to morphine and now she’s confused and not there.......

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You’re not a failure at all. You have a terrible illness that is interrupting periods of wellness. I’ve only had one episode and I had to change careers entirely. This would derail anyone and yet you’re still pushing forward. That persistence is admirable.

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I’m sorry, I’ll keep you guys in my prayers

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Thank you so much, that means a lot to me. I’m trying the best I can, I’ve just got to keep trying to improve.

I’m also guilty because of some crazy previous manic spending sprees from the spring/early summer I was just confronted about, and I feel really bad about that. I need to work harder to keep myself in control and keep that from happening again. I’ve got to keep taking my meds and stop messing with them. I also need to be honest with my therapist/psychiatrist about my problems instead of pretending everything is fine.

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I’m not hanging out with my sister today. I was up half the night coughing so I’m tired. And I’m honestly just not in the mood to hang out. We’ll hang out next weekend or the weekend after that.

I’m just honestly crying and I can’t be around anyone right now or I’ll end up crying in front of people and I don’t want that.

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HUGS Bluebird

Thank you!

I had a heart spasm last night and it hurt and then felt like my heart was realigning itself. I drank 3 cups of coffee yesterday which is the most I've drank in years. I took 0.25mg of clonazepam and it went away.

"It's important to note that while these may be unsettling, they're usually normal and aren't typically a sign of anything more serious. If you sleep on your side, you may be more susceptible to heart palpitations at night due to the way your body bends and pressure builds up internally."

"Hypnic jerks or sleep starts are benign myoclonic jerks that usually occur on falling asleep. Various factors like excessive caffeine intake, physical, and emotional stress can increase their frequency. Here we report a case of a female who suffered from hypnic jerks with use of selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor drug escitalopram and responding to treatment with clonazepam."

Benzos are the only things that solve this issue for me.. I need to exercise more. I also want to reduce inflammation somehow and reduce free radicles in my body because those two things cause each other.. I'm gonna start taking 4000iu of vitamin D every morning instead of 1000iu. I need a good antioxidant like vitamin E or something.. I also want to reduce my insulin resistance by limiting sugar and carbohydrates.

I'm going to talk to my doctor about this.. I hope that I can still take the stimulant but I'm not going to drink too much coffee anymore.

Glutathione is good too for inflammation.. But vitamin E increases glutathione..

I think reading that fasting book is the only way for me to reduce inflammation. Maybe that and tumeric idk

I started taking vitamin B12/6 and zinc 3 days ago which is when the heart thing started.. So I'll stop taking those.. The heart thing goes away for a few months and then comes back for a while.

"Cannabinoids are potent anti-inflammatory agents and they exert their effects through induction of apoptosis, inhibition of cell proliferation, suppression of cytokine production and induction of T-regulatory cells (Tregs)."

"And cannabis? It's a known anti-inflammatory. As studies show, not only does cannabis have a positive effect in taming inflammation and a myriad ailments associated with inflammation, the entourage effect created by the combination of cannabinoids, including THC, gives a person an even better result."

"Cannabidiol (CBD) is a non-intoxicating phytocannabinoid from cannabis sativa that has demonstrated anti-inflammatory effects in several inflammatory conditions including arthritis."

I need to quit nicotine gum as well

I'm so alone

I went to the gas station at midnight for a walk and to buy a coke. My friend was there and invited me to stop by his place any time listen to tunes, smoke weed or play games etc.

I worked this morning so he's probably asleep.

I feel like Idk what I'd say if I was there. I can't organize any of my thoughts. It's like I don't think about anything anymore. I don't remember anything. I'm dumb - I can't speak. I can only write.

Too much caffeine and not enough food. Started feeling nauseous like from low blood sugar and or too much caffeine so made a protein smoothie in my blender w/ chocolate slimfast shake mix, almond milk, a spoonful of peanut butter, a frozen banana, two ice cubes, frozen spinach (can’t taste it in smoothies, so it’s a good way to add more veggies into diet), and flax seed, blended together. Tastes really good.

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Going to try and get a walk-in cleaning/exam at my dentist tomorrow

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Just bought Halloween pajamas on sale from kohl’s....bf said treat yourself so I did lol

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Cool, I have Halloween pajamas too lol

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Are you playing animal crossing? I keep adding pumpkin stuff. Pretty sure that my island rating is going down due to too many pumpkins lol. But it also looks good with the fireworks.

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Haven’t played yet today but I might later since I’m staying up all night because I have to be up at 6am to call and get a walk in dental appointment. I was playing Shenmue on my Xbox One earlier then Story of Seasons: Pioneers of Olive Town on my Switch.

Pumpkin stuff is great, you can never have too much lol. My island is still 3 star because I haven’t decorated too much yet. I just put fences around all villager houses, and I’m working on building that library on the cliff.

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Cute!

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Cool, just don’t miss the fireworks. I only want five star because this flower grows and stuff and I don’t want to lose it.

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I feel alone sometimes as well and that I cannot speak well either.

I find that somehow my meds help me organize my thoughts somewhat.

I am definitely more of a writing person rather than a speaking person.

I have a thesis to write. I am getting more motivated by turning off my cell phone in order to do work on it.

I feel like I'm never gonna finish my thesis. Might have to be abandoned at this point.