Roll Call 187

I like to ignore reality, especially this past year and a half

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That's a wise decision with dissociative anxiety. Since I don't get DP/DR, I go full on ahead into the madness - Maybe 70% attention and 30% relaxing.

I realize that now that I'm on olanzepine, my mind can handle stress better.

Yeah it makes my anxiety worse, so it's good that I enjoy staying in my own little world in my head a lot of the time, or escaping through books

Once the leaves start changing I'm gonna see if my sister can take me to the park to take pics

The stress I'm feeling is unreal - Literally. It is not real. NOTHING is real..

I wish I could ignore everything but I can't. My mind is so open...

I have brain damage =/

I'll try and meditate during these times.. But it's so hard. I can't do it.

All of these are just cognitive distortions yknow...

I swear coffee makes me tired. I had a triple shot of espresso like an hour ago now I can barely keep my eyes open

I got some new music and am enjoying it, it sounds amazing. Makes me feel good

It does that to me too if I have too much caffeine. We need a medium-strong dose not an OD =P

Yeah I'm trying to cut back but I'm not exactly doing well with that lol

Charging up my Kindle so I can read some later

I'm going to pay my library fee off later this month so I can start checking out books again.

I heard that can be from dehydration when it makes u tired. Like not enough water in your body. They say to drink a glass of water before u drink coffee in the morning so you won’t be so dehydrated and I’tll be more effective. Which I think is right but I don’t remember the full science behind it.

I feel a little better after benzo/stim. I'll read for a bit then meditate and sleep. Work again in the morning.

My mom told me to look forward to my dad coming back and then visiting family..

My dad told me to buy dried fruit that he saw as an advertisement on Fox news...

I need to find a way to get a debit card. :-/

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I hope you're able to get one, have you tried getting a cashapp card? There's an app called Cash App, you can set up an account and order a visa debit card from them, for like $5 I think and then you can load money onto it whenever you want to

Psychiatry is the science of lies!

I swear people can make a valid argument for everything on both sides, depending on the time and space. The more I know about the secret to the universe, tbe more balanced I am. But with this wisdom, I like to have fun too.. So I ruin the thing.. And become unbalanced.

The way that things progress is by going around in circles - But no circle is the same...

I think everyone in the world just needs to meditate and .. etc the list goes on forever. It's perfect. The world is perfect. I get it now.

It is also a mess.. But it depends where YoU ArE NOw. And where we can be.

Took a walk today, not on the treadmill, outside. Doing some laundry now, clothes and towels. Have some cleaning to do tomorrow. And I'll get on the treadmill then too. I have more laundry I need to do tomorrow (I need to change my bed sheets and wash the old ones/wash the comforter and blanket) Going to play Luigi's Mansion 3 tonight on my Nintendo Switch, and maybe Shenmue on my Xbox. Plus read a lot.

I'm on the rum n coke tonight!!!! Hope you're all well.

Sounds good, hope you're doing well Unsure

My therapist wants me to consider seeing a nutritionist again for my eating disorder. My insurance covers it. I had been referred to one several years ago but I went to the first appointment and never went back. Maybe I should try it out seriously this time. I stopped purging which is good, but now I just go back and forth between starving myself and bingeing. I don't know how to do moderation, it's one extreme or the other. At least with a nutritionist they can help me come up w/ a sensible meal plan where I'm not starving myself but also not bingeing. Because I can't seem to do it myself

My mom and my treatment team can't just say "When you're 25 maybe you'll be able to come off of the antipsychotics" cuz now I'm 25 and they don't want it lowered let alone stopped. What false hope/manipulation was that?? I haven't had psychosis or DP/DR in 8 months which is the longest I've ever been without it...

But it is MYSELF that has to know when.. - With the insight from them that I must take into consideration... So 1-2 years, I'll stay on the AP because that's how much time I think I need for this problem to be gone for good.. Then I lower it - And if not, CT.

The reason I won't CT on the Invega right now is cuz I know that I'll relapse.

I cried deeply in my phenibut nap

Good morning. Woke up at 5am. Have been reading for awhile , now listening to music. Changed my bed sheets. Will throw the old ones in the washer around 8am. (It’s 7am now) Then I’ve just got to do a little cleaning around the apartment. Then watch live streamed Sunday mass on YouTube by my favorite priest. Then get on the treadmill for 45 minutes. I did my daily Bible study earlier. I feel good. Surprisingly I’m not having bad PMS like I usually do around this time. Maybe exercise is helping.

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