Roll Call 187

Of course phobic people shouldn't be apart of the thing - But I think that culture is becoming increasingly complicated because the world ended in 2012 and as Terence Mckenna says, the line infinitely spikes and the more things that happen, the faster that time will seem to speed up.

Acceptance with understanding of what is real vs not being offended.. Both of these are not practiced. Reality forever changes so there will always be hate, war, genocide etc.. + Love, peace, connection.. It's a revolving wave and the shamans know.. One big Ayahuasca dose and you will seeeee.. The vine of the dead..

Read for an hour. Will probably read more tonight. I finally took a shower because I felt like I can relax since the inspections over.

Waiting on an Amazon package to be delivered later.

Going to family dollar tomorrow to get a few things. Then hopefully getting on the treadmill for 45 minutes and also doing some reps with weights, and squats w/ my resistance bands. I’m trying to see if my sister wants to come over Sunday to hang out since she hasn’t been here in awhile.

I’m hopefully hanging out with my friend on Saturday if he wakes up at a normal hour. We might watch some of the avengers movies and maybe play a card game.

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I love it when other people say they know you will be okay when you are in distress. I don't even know if I will be okay. How can they possibly know that I will be okay? Argh.

I'm sorry SK, I hope you feel better

I only had 2 cups of coffee yesterday and today, down from 6-7 a day

Had some worrying news today about a family member. I hope he'll be ok

HUGS @unsure123

Hope everything will be alright

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Well, I think I cut down on caffeine too fast, because I’m having that anxiety you get from caffeine withdrawal. I went from like 7 cups down to 2, which is seeming like it’s too fast. So I just made myself a 3rd cup of coffee, and I’ll just have that then that’s it for today. I’ll take cutting down a little slower. But that’s still better than. 6-7 cups

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Sorry guys, I know it looks like I only seem to post when there's something going on with my family but I do read posts everyday. I just don't really reply much as I'm not sure what to say most of the time.

Hugs unsure......

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I don't get why Klonopin is so hard to get off of. I mean, it shouldn't be this tough, should it? This is so frustrating. I took 1.5 mg today after having taken 1 mg for a week.

*sigh*

Cant sleep

This sucks so much

I been up all night by now

Swallowed a pill and it went down the wrong way, scared me but I was able to cough it back up

It does seem trite to me also.. Like i get they're trying to help but i have the same reaction

The chef that hired me is leaving the state to go own a restaurant in the keys. So that means it will be me, the other cook and the operations manager. But when it's just us 3 nobody says ANYTHING all day. Like yesterday i could count on 2 hands the words that were said in an 8.5 hour shift!!! It is SO BORING to me.. Like i know work isn't all fun and games but half the reason I've always enjoyed work is because of my coworkers. Well that's all different now.. I'm concerned what it's gonna be like

hugs @junkDNA

hugs @unsure123

I didn't relapse yesterday but I did take two sleeping pills instead of one. I did sleep really, really good. I needed that I think.


Today I still feel really messed up. So much crap going on in the world and I can hardly bear it. Trying to do what I can in my own corner of the world, food distribution this weekend, donations to charity, etc. Still think I'm going to relapse. Stupid demon in my head, needs to get out.

Hugs @SK.. Don't relapse. You're doing very well. The world is what it is - It's good to stay in the microcosm and handle only what you can. Telling someone can help take the weight off - So I hope that posting about it here helps at least a bit <3 It gets better over time. I think sometimes to go out of control but that was the old me and I'm much more stable now - On the right meds etc.. You did a good job sleeping instead. Just try to get through each day, distract yourself, find some sort of happiness that you can - Be mindful =]

Thanks Desoxyn. I was literally about to relapse and then I read your note. Thanks for being there. I'm trying to hang in. Just things are getting to me. My parents are bringing me lunch in about an hour I'll tell them I'm not doing well.

I haven't posted in a few days, I see. The weekend was restful. Yesterday I woke up with a sore throat and sinus congestion so I rested most of the day. I felt better in the afternoon.

Saturday evening I watched Best In Show which got me in a Christopher Guest mood so last night I had a double feature of Guest movies--Mascots and A Mighty Wind.

Today is laundry day so I'm trying to do that mindfully. I did have to take an Ativan this morning which knocked me out so I wasn't much good this morning but I'm more awake now.

I've been trying hard not to stress myself out with "what ifs" like my therapist instructed and it's helping a lot. Just need to keep the blinders on.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day.

I'm looking into a PHP or IOP. There's one that is kind of far away, like maybe 2 hours away but they do treat self harm. They do not treat schizoaffective but they do treat depression. IDK. They're going to see what my insurance covers. Then I'll have to see if I can miss that much work. Oy.

Man these honey BBQ chips are addictive

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Hugs SK....