Roll Call 190

So I just ordered a book that my aunt highly recommended that helped her lose 30 lbs. she is diabetic..type 1 so I asked her for advice. It was book from dr Phil….he’s never been my favorite it so many people love him and it worked for her so I thought I’d look at it. Let’s call it the poor man’s noom, lol. I did look into noom but with the already increased cost of healthy food I’m thinking it’s out of my price range for now.

Having another good day, who knew that less sleep could be so helpful 😀. The only thing is I feel lonely now…I’m just not great at making irl friends.

She just called now, she said she messed up her appointment schedule, she thought we weren't meeting till 3pm but then her actual 3pm showed up and she realized she made a mistake, so we're going to be meeting today at 5pm instead

I'm trying to eat healthier too, it's hard. Every time I feel bored, upset, anxious, or just don't feel good in general (such as didn't get enough sleep, etc) I go for the junk food because of the dopamine it provides, I need to get more active as well, walk more.

Good to hear!


It sucks. But therapists are humans too and sometimes they mess up. I'm glad your's called and you can have an appointment today!

Speaking of not eating healthy......

I asked Dad to bring me lunch today. So I'm having chili dogs, french fries, and a root beer float.


I mean, it's okay. I don't eat this everyday or anything. Just felt like I needed a treat.

SP, I'm not that great at making IRL friends either.

ETA. You would think it wouldn't be so hard with my sparkling personality and all.....

For me I’m keeping junk food out of the house for the most part….like my snacks are turkey sticks/cheese sticks because low carb protein or those sargento snackers which are dried fruit nuts and cheese, baby carrots or cucumbers with hummus, apples and honey peanuts and on the bad end pretzel twists and fruit snacks.

Even if I go wild it’s still not cupcakes and chocolate. I was using it as a dopamine source too….my motivation was so low without it. But now that I’ve adjusted my sleep I need it less. We’ll see how long this lasts but I don’t want to get diabetes.

I also got some tea and am measuring just a teaspoon of honey for it.

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Omg awesome! Enjoy it, you do need a treat!

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I feel like for me it’s lack of experience, like other people are at ease because they’ve had and have friends for years. But I question every word I say.

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Done work.. At the end, a coworker said "What do you have planned for today" and I said "Not much". She puts me on the spot and I can't think - Also, I am figuring stuff out. I hope I'm not like this when I'm 30 and have things figured out more.. My life is good right now. All I'm doing is learning, relaxing, having fun, improving myself etc.

6-9 weeks after the 525mg Invega Trinza injection, I usually feel much better. I need it lowered to 350mg - That's all I need from my psychiatrist when I see him on Monday. My mom will be there to observe and provide insight.

That's great, I'm trying to do that too, keep junk food out of the house mostly. If it's in the house I always end up eating it even if I'm trying not to, if it's not in the house in the first place then I won't go out of my way to a store just to buy it.

I got to a really good place with this a few years ago, where I just rarely ever bought sugary junk food, I was a much better weight/in better shape then. I would walk in the grocery store and not even look at that stuff, I would go in, get what's on my list and get out. It lasted for a couple years. It gets a lot easier over time, but I went back to my old habits slowly due to various reasons

In general it's easier to resist buying it in the first place for me than it is to resist eating it if it's already here

That sounds like a good plan since you’ve got a prn too. As far as planning fun stuff….um I’m much older and still don’t have that figured out.

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Exactly, exactly I could totally use a cupcake but no cupcakes are here lol.

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So the cutest!

Also to be fair this is week one, I’m not sure how I’ll handle the future especially holidays etc.

I made a lot of friends when I moved here. It was really fun cuz we talked, smoking/drinking, played games and made a band, playing guitar and sharing songs - One guy had a laptop and a synthesizer. It eventually stopped after my mom fired some for not being responsible.

That wouldn't have happened if I didn't trip - Cuz it opened my mind and allowed me to talk to people (In high school, I ignored everyone, had no self-awareness and was horribly depressed).

I still talk to the first friend that I've met here - Really smart, weird, opinionated, hippie. He mentioned hanging out but I'd rather not cuz my mind doesn't really make sense anymore. He did a lot of hiking at the time but now goes on expeditions which I can't do.

Mostly after that, I hung around with my moms friends hiking, skiing, mountain biking.. But they're extremely dramatic with BPD and I decided that I wanted enough of the shallow, immature, alcoholic/cocaine use etc.. It was pretty horrible. I had to drug myself to tolerate their nonsense, toxic positivity, etc

I still go to coffee connections that was recommended by my therapist but rarely - But I'm an introvert so I never really cared for the activities and stuff idk.

I used to buy a lot of junk food and snacks my whole life, energy drinks, coke etc.. But lately I don't do that anymore - I'm not sure why.

I drink a lot of black unsweetened coffee and herbal teas to manage my cravings

2020 was one of the best years (Even though I had 30-40 1+ hour long lasting dissociative panic attacks and was hospitalized after it) - Cuz I'd take extra stim, stay up all night looking at the stars, walking into town at 6am to buy coffee and watch the sun rise, junk food, listening to podcasts, music, terence mckenna, alan watts, very interesting thoughts + I just felt really good because I wasn't on olanzepine. It felt like I was on acid every day.

It was an enlightenment period. I wonder if I'll ever be like that again. It was also horrible - I've never felt such pain.. But it was OK. I seemed to have some sort of DP/DR psychosis - But very profound experiences.

There was such nonsense happening because my mom was being self destructive from PTSD (Her ex, life, etc). I talked to many strange people. It was traumatizing for me mostly.

I don't remember much. At this point, I am stable because I understand life more idk

What is coffee connections is it online?

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When you get old you’re going to have so many stories….

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In the town, there's community services. They get people connected to resources (Because it's a tourist town and people don't stay here for long). 1-2 times a week, the same people come to drink coffee with a coordinator + Some new people join. We just talk and drink coffee. But it always gets shut down due to COVID waves.

I had a good appointment with my therapist. She is going to help me fill out another form for the vocational rehabilitation program, and in the meantime I'm going to look into the local library and see if they are offering any jobs, we think that would be a good job for me, shelving books or whatever, I wouldn't be around tons of people (my social anxiety is extremely bad) which would be good for my first job.

Yep library would be great for you

Covid results back. Negative. I knew I was being a hypochondriac. It's just hard to know what to do nowadays when you have a symptom or two but don't really feel all that bad, because there are mild cases of Covid. I still think I did the right thing, I just also feel kind of dumb having fretted about it.