Roll Call 190

Is there anything you can implement at home or on your own that the hospital provides?

I guess if I can figure out how to be bored out of my mind for three days and be watched every 15 minutes.


Thus I hate the hospital.


But sometimes I know it is necessary to keep me safe. Just not sure if I am at that point yet. We'll see how I feel later today. I don't have to make a decision yet and I haven't talked to T so I'm not planning on making a unilateral decision.

Imo hospital is good for two things, med changes and preventing harm to self. I think you should seriously consider going in. You’ve been free from SH a for some time, this will help you in the long run. Also if you do SH, the last thing you want is involuntary inpatient at the nearest hospital. Better to choose where you’d like to go.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Ah good point! I just texted T and let her know the severity of the thoughts and since I am at work I told her I would check back in with her once I am done with work. Maybe the urges will have dissipated by then. Hopefully. If she thinks I need hospitalization I will definitely go to a hospital that has a psych ward rather than one I have to get transferred to. Good to think of these things a head of time. Trying to stay safe can be a danged hard thing!

300mg of gabapentin made me quite tired. I went to bed in the evening and slept in for 2 hours this morning. I'll just skip phenibut today and see what happens. I would prefer to switch to wellbutrin because it's stimulating.

+ ((Hugs Kit))

I have this problem where I avoid appointments, with anyone & everything. So now I'm scared that I will lose my HMO plan because I've been avoiding letters, phone calls & voicemails. It's mostly because of the pandemic. But my social anxiety has been worse these days, too.

Oh, my goodness, dear very special Kit, I love & wish & pray for you, dear special friend of ours, & I & others obviously hope you find the good help that you need.

Gabapentin makes me tired but the worst is that I feel kind of spaced out which I really hate so I told the pharmacy to contact my psychiatrist to prescribe Wellbutrin. Hopefully there's no issues..

My very first time taking Gabapentin

Sent from my Nokia XR20 using Tapatalk

I feel agitated and I already took a clonazepam

I feel a bit better

There's so much stuff going through my mind

There are 3 managers at my work that seem to want to attempt to bully me over some concerns I brought up to a 16 y.o. coworker over what they were doing w her pay checks . They have underestimated me, I might look naive and meek, but I'm not. And I will ALWAYS fight for myself

I want strawberry shortcake, I haven't had it in so many years, it's so good

It’s one of my favorites….

Not sure I have ever had strawberry shortcake. Probably don't know what I'm missing!

Ok you must try it! How are you feeling SK?

Meh. Could be better. I'm zoned out on anti anxiety medications. I didn't SH. I didn't contract with T. I didn't go to the hospital. I didn't go to Aftercare. I went for a drive with my parents instead and got ice cream. My T said she felt (very unscientifically she added) that I didn't need to contract. Hmm. Little does she know. But that gave me an out. I actually brought some stuff with me to work to SH with if I needed to. Sick I know. It's actually making me calmer though knowing I have it. If I SH I will probably end up at the hospital so I am trying to use that to my advantage and not SH but it is super hard. At least the hallucinations are chill for now and stuff. It's just these dang urges. Part of me really wants to do myself damage and the other part of me is fighting myself. It's making me exhausted. Another reason why I might need to be IP. I just don't want to go.

do the hospitals have long term benefits for you or just short term protection?

both. Long term they remind me to stay well so I can stay out of the hospital. Short term it's just about being safe. It's been two years since I've been impatient. I think the long term benefit has worn off. I am at least researching psych hospitals near me. I know I don't want to go back to the one I was at two years ago.

It's cold today (17 degrees) and we got 8 inches of snow so Stash is under the blankets laying on my lap purring

Sent from my M8L using Tapatalk

Awe.......that's so sweet.

I ordered cheese pizza for lunch and shared it with two of my coworkers.

I hope you figure out what to do regarding the hospital stay SK I hope you stay safe

Stash is getting big! FB_IMG_1644007731062.jpg

Sent from my M8L using Tapatalk

Sounds great!

I had 2 pieces of 5 cheese Texas toast for lunch. I'm addicted to that stuff. It's so garlicky and cheesy and crispy

Sent from my M8L using Tapatalk

MMM. Sounds good.