Roll Call 191

Awesome I had a walkers shortbread stick…relatively low sugar…..

Nice! What color?

How much pto do you have left and is there any option for unpaid leave so you can take longer if needed now or later in the year. One thing I’ve learned from psychosis is you sometimes have to do the things you mind is telling you no way you can do. If you weigh the odds of getting mentally sick against doing something that might be frowned on like taking time off always choose what will keep you well. Jobs can be replaced but you cannot.

How is the CIA and NSA related to schiz and why

Same with conspiracies.

I feel like there's a certain % that gets under the radar of the wash cloud.

And I'm starting to become obsessed, to save my life etc

Religion too

It's all patterns.. It all makes less sense.. What about IQ tests/puzzles..

Jordan Peterson was diagnosed with schizophrenia.

And the ****n psychedelics too.. And they were illegal.

But no... I'll stop. Ignore me. Just some insight........ You will be OK.

Brown with blonde highlights.

The intense regret and resistance of it in the past is the fuel that drives it all for me

Thanks SP. I have about a week left of PTO (but I will accrue more as the year goes on). If I take time off I will probably take unpaid leave though and leave my leave for later in the year. I know I am taking May 2nd off but that feels far away. I talked to my bosses today though and they both said they would work with me. I work for good folks.

In April, I'm going to the island again to see my family ^-

My sister misses the national park here, and me and my mom. Gas is too expensive and with financial issues, she is not handling it well.

But it will be good.... My mom needs to learn to put her health first too and mental health. She has been working for 3+ years, non stop. I think the owners are taking advantage of her. Her only 'vacation' was being in the hospital for breast cancer + last October.

Cool! Sounds perfect 👍

Sounds like a plan…what will you do for your week? Staycation or do you want to travel?

The stimulant isn't giving me psychosis btw lol!...

I'm just trying to figure things out, in a curious manner..

I am stable just a little foggy brained.. My mind doesn't concentrate well. So I'll try to meditate more. It's extremely difficult to meditate...

+ Reading (With the extra time that would have been spent on weed/alcohol)...

Definitely staycation. Art, read, watch mystery movies, sleep. Definitely sleep. I'm so tired. I feel like a crap employee because I just needed a week off but I feel like I need another one.

Starting to feel really tired ..

Look the reality is we need more vacation than they give us….I believe Europeans do get more……

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Yeah it's seriously true. I think in Sweden they have this concept of work-life balance. I cannot remember the term for it - they have a term. It's almost like a yin and the yang thing. That's what my brother reports anyway. He lives in Sweden right now.

Regardless, I think everyone deserves a break right now. It's so hard when you're in an industry that doesn't care about anything but capital. But I will stop there - don't want to get in a discussion about market capitalism, although I think it is somewhat, if not very problematic.

I am jobless right now and it feels okay. I mean I am working on my thesis. That is enough. I have told myself that is sufficient. I don't need to go get a full-time job right now. It would eat me alive like the last one did.

Anyway, I read a lot tonight. I am setting three intentions each day for things I want to get done. I need to get more organized if I'm going to get this thesis done, etc.

Go to work every day like a slave and then you die

But I am OK rn. Although, I've always (Not even a second) took my disability for granted. I knew that the economy would crash + It's not much to live on anyways - It's below poverty level. But I still get to work and make extra.

What I wanted to use it for was to help pay for school - But I messed up. Also, the world messed up. We are Universe 25 (Google "Universe 25".., you won't be disappointed lol).

I smoked CBD without any THC because I was dying of anxiety (Or something?) and it helps - although my mind is hazy now and not cloudy.

It's ok SP! I try..

We all need a good break..

"A lack of rest is why many of us are moody and irritable so much of the time. A lack of rest is why some of us stay anxious, worried, and totally stressed out far more than we should. (Everything from the common cold and headaches to obesity, asthma, diabetes, depression, and even Alzheimer's are directly related to stress, by the way.)"

What To Do When You Don't Know How To Chill Out - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty

I found this by Googling "I don't know how to chill"

Getting on a good sleep schedule has improved my mental health a lot. I’m no longer staying up half the night or for several days in a row at a time anymore. I go to bed around 10 or 11 every night and wake up usually at a fairly decent time. Anywhere between 7am-9am.

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Spent a couple hours reading, just had a snack, now I’m gonna read for a another hour or so probably.

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Yeah no... That article explains why I want to see a therapist. So I've figured that out. It's good.