Roll Call 191

I will start reading it now.... It was recommended in a reddit post along with;

"These aren't new, but they're good. And written in this century. (Don't knock older, dude. Vast majority of the world's wisdom was documented before the year 2000.) ;-)"

^ Makes sense...

I hate sugar withdrawal, I feel like crap. I can't focus and I'm anxious and irritable.

I could use some too….

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And if you can’t read it try the audiobook…you can get it from your library on hoopla.

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The thing I’ve noted is there is a crash with sugar so avoiding it or having only minor sugar is the best.

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It's day 3 without sugary foods, so I'm having a couple fresh blackberries right now. Hopefully this gets easier over time

I think that's also why I woke up with a headache 2 days in a row

Oh I pretty much withdraw in a day or so…..are you getting enough healthy carbs? You need like 180g of carbs or so depending on height.

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Dopamine is good!

But you must know when to draw the line between torturing self from abstinence through willpower and over indulgence.

Ultimately, what needs to be done... Is to not have to use willpower (Or at least just a little) - because it's less taxing on the mental state/consciousness.

Truth sets us free. Serotonin is a true happiness. Dopamine is deceptive and used for tricks, survival, just to get better (But it doesn't know when to stop) + ignorance of all other things BUT the thing that releases the dopamine.

It is the reason as to why all hedonic empires crumble (America)..... The opposite would be like North Korea - Just starving, sweeping the same clean spot over and over again out of fear, isolated socially, spiritually (Like how I was).

People usually snap like when the tea that you have swirled has settled and has gone cold - It needs energy (Spoon and kinetic hand stirring) to live again - It's like yelling at a kitten for not doing tricks - When something horrible happens, the kitten becomes timid, scared.. And that is trauma. It means that the wrong energy is used.

An awakening is truth. Clarity.. Something to give us hope - Is like a hug. Morphine (Which can soothe a new born baby without a mother) can comfort. Over time, the patterns become aware of themselves and seek truth - "What is real?" - And if that is disturbed, "Nothing is real".

It's all chemicals (Energy) and patterns.. And I guess that's why truth matters. I was always an idealist.. idk...

I am not sure, I know I barely ate most of the day aside from a piece of toast at 9am then ate a big dinner at 6pm. I think I had 1/4th of a cup of cottage cheese in between. So I probably should have ate a little more in between or balanced it all better. I was just trying to save the majority of my calories because dinner had a lot/majority of my days calories. I don't normally eat like that though. I was just worrying about eating too much

That doesn’t sound like enough…..like desoxyn was saying it’s all balance.

Yeah, I have a hard time balancing things sometimes

I think tomorrows meal plan will be better

I feel a little better after eating some blackberries and drinking water. I'm gonna have an iced matcha latte (unsweetened), relax and watch an episode or 2 of Pokémon, then read and go to bed

I'm on to something anyways.. Just I have a bad headache. Everything is fragments of thought. But I expect things to get better as long as I have at least some tools to not lose everything.

I'll just get passed this headache and then start reading the book.

One problem I have with things is my awareness in the perspective of other people, that.. I'm perceived as solipsistic and don't care about it - My mom is like this.. But she's good at it - She'll talk for hours about things that are related to what people say.. Like how the world seems to get smaller the older you get...

I've always avoided that. It's like searching the spelling for a word while you're trying to plan something. It's pessimism.

I'll take a break from the forum today lol.. This is a place to get help but I'm obsessing about how to fix things.

Fruit is a great if expensive healthy sugar. I have to admit I keep some fruit gummies around for if I need sugar. They are in the individual packages and basically have natural sugar from juice….basically I read one of those for dummies books about carb counting for diabetics and that’s where I got the 180 number from….I’m not much for bread so I have some chips around and stuff but ideally you want complex multigrain stuff. Enjoy!

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That's awesome, Fruit is great, so many to choose from. One of my favorites is mangoes. But I love all of them. I'm out of bananas so I'm getting more of those and some raspberries when I go shopping Monday. Fruit gummies are good too.

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My days are kind of getting repetitive so I'm going to talk to my case manager next week about helping me get into volunteering for a bit somewhere, to get used to being around people and get out of the house.

I'm doing good now so I think I'm ready for that.

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Eventually after volunteering for a good amount of time I'll get a part time job. I need to slowly get used to socializing. And I am planning on going back to college next year to finish my associates degree.

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I'm calling the buildings bingo game next week. Nervous.

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I did plums, strawberries and raspberries this week.

Sounds good. I developed a love for plums when I lived in Argentina. For some reason.

Bf is getting McDonald’s for breakfast

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Ugh I was so happy when I woke up today. I had a nightmare I was in NYC and had my kitty with me and I somehow lost her somewhere in the city and was looking everywhere for her but I couldn’t find her. It was nice to wake up with her next to me.

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Speaking of fruit, one of my moms friends when I was a kid had a fig tree in their yard. So I got to get fresh figs from there often and they are sooo good.

I haven’t had plums in a long time. I wonder if the grocery store has them or when they’re in season. Pears are great too.

I love oranges and clementines but I can’t eat them very often because of their acidity and my acid reflux.

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Yeah I had to cut out citrus entirely…it gives me mouth ulcers….make me sad because it’s sooooo good. Plums are in season in late summer early fall here but in Chile and other South American countries right now.

I’m starting to worry about my uti…..they don’t have results on the bacterial plates yet but the fact there were no leukocytes worries me it’s not really a uti. Apparently ovarian cancer can have similar symptoms….so hoping that’s not it.