Roll Call 191

I accept this reality... It's a good reality.

I'll take Russian cognitive enhancers and save the world (The website says the Russian people want the war to be over so and will ship from Kazakhstan..)

"There is no magic pill to transform you into a genius. However there are various nootropics which may help you improve memory, gain clearer thinking and help increase concentration."

No but I'm just tired af. I'm drained more than I have ever been. But I won't give up.

I took a 2mg CBN gummy. It's supposed to become the "new CBD".

I want my mental pain to go away before I go to sleep.

Edit: I feel like posting here, everyone has to be in a form of dissociation about their lives, mental illness, the world, fear, virus, war etc - Yknow what I mean? idk... I thought in March 2020, in 1-2 years, the internet would be down and website domains/servers wouldn't be connected. I suppose that could take 5 years..

Slept good again. Went to sleep last night around 11pm and woke up at 7am. I seem to be getting in a good schedule/routine with sleep.

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Ate a healthy breakfast, took my meds, fed Stash some of her wet food which she was super happy about. I'm gonna drink a 2nd cup of coffee then around 9:45 I'm going to go put in a load of laundry and while that's washing I'll walk on the treadmill for 45 minutes.

Somehow I slept really late today which is weird because it’s trash day and they come at the crack of dawn right outside the window….

Idk if it’s dissociation so much as just ignoring the bad stuff to focus on the immediate and the good. If something bad happens in the bigger scheme of things there is very little I can do. All I know is if I don’t move forward more of my limited time on the planet will be wasted.

The cancer center where my mom was treated just opened a job….going to apply. It’s probably too soon since I don’t graduate yet but still, I have to try.

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Oh no went to the site and it’s only part time but it said full time in linked in.

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I don’t feel like doing homework…it’s not due until next week but I should turn it in.

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SK …thinking of you, hope you’re ok.

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Unmotivated today =]

Thinking of you too….hugs.

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I have been always bookmarking websites (Often I put them into the wrong categories - Then sort them out every few months) - But I procrastinate actually reading them so I never really do.

But I've made a new rule to read before I bookmark. And it's working.

These just now for example;

Psychedelics Provide Wisdom for Personal Growth - Third Monk

'Wisdom VR' Shows The Positive Effects Psychedelics Have On The Brain - VRScout

Listening to finding your north star…kind of Interesting….essential vs social self…kind of why at mid age we find ourselves off course.

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Took a nap with Stash then made and ate dinner. Now I'm just reading. We're getting a snowstorm tonight/tomorrow

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That sounds super nice….😊

I'm in quarter life crisis lol..

God I'm craving chocolate so bad right now

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I bought a 1lb (yes one pound) Reese's Easter bunny, but it won't get here till Sunday. I'm just craving sugar in general, thanks abilify

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Maybe I'll have some unsweetened applesauce

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Have an inspection on Monday. It's just the quarterly Orkin pest control inspection so I'm not worried about it. Those take like 4 minutes or less. I just need to be up so I can let them in without my cat getting out. They can come in if I'm not home but I don't want that because I don't want to risk my cat getting out when they open the door so I make sure I'm here at home for all the inspections.

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Tomorrow's meal plan

A piece of avocado toast and a banana
A mozzarella string cheese, a berry smoothie (with spinach, protein powder, and some flax seed blended into it)
Leftover sloppy joe sandwich and Brussels sprouts in thyme sauce
A plain rice cake w/ hummus spread on it

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There's so many things I want to learn and do, I want to learn to play ukulele really well, to be able speak/read Italian (I took an Italian course one semester in college but I want to learn a lot more), I want to go back to college and finish my Associates Degree, I want to get better at drawing, there's so many books I want to read, over 1,000 books are on my Goodreads Want-to read list, so many shows I want to watch, games I want to play, get in shape

Behind Chronic Indecisiveness: The Fear of Regret | Psychology Today Canada

This is why I need therapy. Cuz I have severe regret as you all know lol

You’re Not Lazy, Bored, or Unmotivated | by Niklas Goke | Forge