Roll Call 192

Stash is in my bed sleeping right now. I took some klonopin for my anxiety/stress and ibuprofen for my headache and have been able to read for the past hour and a half. Nice to have a short reprieve.

Oh and SK, they’re getting along. Maybelle is getting more comfortable. She’s coming out more and she’s eating a LOT better than she was the first couple days she was here. I think she gets annoyed at Mustachio because Stash is constantly following her literal every move, Stash is no longer hissing or growling at her at all anymore. Maybelle just gets frustrated by being followed everywhere she goes by her so she hisses at her sometimes to get her to leave her alone

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Can you crate her if you need to go out briefly for like the mail?

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Yeah I can do that, she doesn't mind getting in her carrier, she loves it actually

Or I can just shut her in my bedroom, I do that sometimes when I do laundry because she likes to try to slip out when I come back in

I'm trying to see if my sister can bring me some groceries this weekend so I don't have to leave her here alone for an hour and a half meowing loudly, she stops if I'm spending time with her/playing with her, or when Maybelle comes out because Maybelle distracts her because she likes to follow her around all day

I'm wondering if I can put her in my room in her carrier and turn on the air conditioner which is loud, and my kitchen stove vent which is really loud and then go grocery shopping. I think that might drown out the sound of her meowing while I'm gone, I don't want her meowing to bother my neighbors

Went pretty well I think. I don't know if I'll get the job, but if I do get the offer, I'm going to accept it. Thanks for checking in.

Now I am doubting the above statement. I don't know if I'll accept it or not. Well, they haven't offered it to me yet so I guess I shouldn't think about it. Oh well.

Anyway, I've been writing in a journal morning and night, and that has been helping.

The klonopin helped my stress/anxiety a lot. Before today it had been 44 days without taking it. So I felt I could take some without worrying about whether I’m taking it too often. reading and playing some games when she was sleeping relaxed me to so I had a break for a little while.

Love my kitties. So much.

I am going to go ahead and do my grocery shopping tomorrow. I think I can manage to slip out for an hour a few times a month to get things like that done without having to worry too much about Stash. If she meows while I’m gone it probably won’t be loud enough to bother anyone because she would be in my room and I have no neighbors on the side next to my room. I have neighbors next to my living room and across the hall but I think with the AC, kitchen vent going high speed, and a movie playing, she shouldn’t be loud enough to bother anyone.

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I journal almost every day. I first started journaling when I was IP for a month when I was 14. It helped me while I was there. And I’ve stuck with it ever sense and it continues to help me

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Oh ok sorry.. I'm always taking things the wrong way - Like the lens that I'm viewing reality with is against me. It's disturbing.

My sister just texted me, she said she'd pick up some things from the grocery store for me so I don't have to go and leave Stash here alone in her current state

Have you ever tried cbt? It’s like corrective lenses but for the brain.

Just got my groceries from my sister. She said she is making carnitas this weekend, she said she'll bring me some.

This was my idea about CBT as well but I never tried it. My therapist has bad ADHD and keeps forgetting about me after I contact her, or sick with COVID etc.. It's all I have available here so nothing I can really do about that for now.

Yesterday I was feeling quite terrible but today is much better.

I worked at another job yesterday with some workers that are good people and funny... It cheered me up by the end of the day.

Today I've been extremely tired but I feel better now that I'm home from my regular job.

In the past 2-3 weeks, I haven't been doing very good and haven't been doing much (Internet hobbies). The Zoloft might help eventually (If I thought that it wouldn't work, I would stick to psychedelics etc...).

Good days.. bad days..

I'm stressed and worrying that there are cameras in my apartment watching me and everything I do, being watched and laughed at by people

That's not a good feeling. I know what it's like.. I'm recovering from a small bit of that. I think it can relate to mood as well - If in a bad mood = paranoia etc.

For me, Zoloft COULD improve my mood, making me not care about - But with the cameras etc, it was like that longg ago.. (From 2012-2016?)..

If my mood is good, I'll decrease the Invega once again.

I'm craving BLACK coffee

Be careful @people with depression/bipolar. It's Spring.

Me too, black coffee is my favorite drink. I might make some in a little while

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Every now and then I eat something like french fries or onion rings for dinner. Not often. But I eat a whole meals worth of them and that's okay once in awhile. Not something to be mad at myself for. Most days I eat fairly healthy. I had french fries for dinner tonight and they were so damn good and I don't regret it at all!

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Yeah a lot of T’s say they do cbt but don’t really…

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How are you doing SP? =]

<3

I’m ok….just had to work today and it was way to quiet because everyone was out shopping etc for Mother’s Day. Tomorrow will be even worse.

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Mindfulness is the best, I started using it again more and it’s helping me with some issues

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