Roll Call 192

I cleared up any misconceptions he had and we agreed to not continue seeing each other , I’m glad I did that before things went too far down the line and got more complicated. We care about each other but we are not right for each other at least if that makes sense. We’re the same age but he’s already looking for marriage and stuff like that. I think he can find someone who’s interested in the whole settling down thing, moving in together , getting married if that’s what he’s looking for because I’m not anywhere near ready at this point in my life

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You did the right thing but I’m sure it still hurts….hugs.

HUGS Blue_Bird. I am sure that might have been painful but I am proud of you for knowing what you want and not getting pressured into doing something you aren't ready for right now.

SP how are you feeling today after passing your stone?

I had horrible anxiety this morning so I took some anxiety medication. I'm not even sure what I am anxious about. I got the difficult task done at work this morning and it all turned out well. So I don't know where that anxiety came from. I'm still having it which is annoying.

Maybe it's because of the presentation I am giving on Sunday. I'm practicing every night but still. It's different to practice at home in front of my parents than to get up there in front of the whole Church. I'm also worried no one will sponsor any kiddos. I guess the average is about 5 that get sponsored. So if we can get five that would be good. We have a small Church though so I don't know.

Not much to do at work now. Probably will get some work later. Just have to be patient right now. I have a feeling it is going to be a long day. It isn't even 10 yet.

Still bleeding but I feel fine…..I have to follow up with a urologist….

Thanks SK and SP

Honestly I cried after I did it. Because he’s the only one who’s stuck around in my real life that actually cares. Sometimes I feel like I’m completely alone. My mom died in 2016, my dad was never involved and doesn’t care , my sister is so busy with work and her separation from her husband we hardly ever talk and rarely see each other anymore though I know that’s not anyones fault, and my two brothers don’t even acknowledge my existence asides from being on my friends list on Facebook, which sucks because they talk/spend time with our sister but not me, ever. They have not even responded to a hello how are you doing I send occasionally over the years or happy birthday I send them, I don’t know what I did wrong but that’s just the way things are.

But I know I made the right decision with this.

I can relate to feeling alone…I only have my dad who will talk for five minutes and bf but when I want to talk about flowers or photography they’re like um yeah flowers sure. I could talk to my mom about that or art for a long time. While I’m not entirely alone….I really feel alone compared to when my mom was around.

I'm sorry you feel that way too

my mom was my best friend, we used to have long interesting conversations every day about all kinds of stuff, I miss her a lot

I'm so anxious today. I just took more anxiety medication. I am wondering if I should take some Lybalvi too. But I don't want to have that over medicated feeling.

Yup. Took Lybalvi too. Now I am like zoned out.
Whoops.

Yup, definitely zoned out. I definitely took too much medicine. I wonder how long it will take to wear off? At least the anxiety is gone.

I've done that before when I take like too much medicine or whatever. It's no fun, but at least it sort of takes the edge off.

Sometimes it's hard to know for me when to take my PRN meds.

I feel like that's a huge dilemma for me because I know if I take my PRN meds they'll knock the edge off of my negative emotions but they also sort of knock the edge off the positive emotions.

Anyway, hope you and everyone else are doing better today.

As for me, I finished a paid translation gig which I am proud of this past Monday. So I am glad about that, the fact that I actually followed through this time is huge.

Also I applied for life insurance (I'm not exactly sure why) but they denied me because of "schizophrenia, depression, anxiety, and psychosis." That kind of made me a little upset. Oh well...

My sister is dropping Maybelle off here tomorrow morning. I’m gonna keep her and Stash in separate rooms at first so they can get used to each other’s smell then I’ll let them meet after awhile. I’m excited!

She’s also dropping off some McDonalds when she drops off the kitty so I’m happy about that too.

I sent a text to my care manager asking if she had a day she can meet with me to help me fill out the job application/resume since she should be back from vacation now. So hopefully I hear back from her soon. If all goes well I’ll have it submitted by next week

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Yes, this is me too! I never know when to take PRN medicine. I think I took them too close together. I had a really hard time functioning after that. I made it through work, sat like a zombie for a couple of hours, somehow made it through therapy and then went and crashed out in bed.

Still having some anxiety today but I am not talking Lybalvi that's for sure. I think I am stressing about my presentation on Sunday and what happens if no one sponsors any kiddos?

So proud of you for finishing the paid translation gig! That's huge Great job! I hope you feel really proud of yourself. I am proud of you!

Dude, that sucks.

I think keeping them in separate rooms first is a very good idea. Cats can be territorial so it's good for them to not be stressed at first with having to take in too much at once.

I'm excited for you and I'm glad that Maybelle is staying in the family! I think you are doing a lot better since you got Stash!

Yum! McDonalds! I had some McDonalds for breakfast last weekend but I am craving a Quarter Pounder with cheese and some fries. Might have to get that this weekend. Do you know what you are getting?

Are you filling out a generic resume or for a specific place? Good luck! I hope you can find a part time job that isn't too stressful and that you can do well at.

You should, McDonalds is so good I've been craving it for awhile too. I'm getting a Big Mac, fries, and a Coke

I'm filling it out for a part-time job at the library down the street as a page (person who shelves the books) My care manager just messaged me back and we are going to do it on Monday

More insurance issues….sigh. They’re saying I need a urologist.

That's what happened when I had a bunch of kidney stones, I ended up seeing a urologist then they had ,me have a lithotripsy done, you're under general anesthesia when it's done, it's done with lasers. They put a stent in and that hurt like hell though, I kept having muscle spasms from it and it hurt too much and had to get it taken out early. But I didn't have a problem after that and thankfully I haven't had kidney stones since, they suck

My sister is stopping by tonight because she needs to borrow my cat carrier to take maybelle to the vet for a check up tomorrow before she drops her off with me. So I’m getting McDonalds tonight!!

Yay mcDs!

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