Roll Call 194

Yeah, my friend from Church got a job where I work. He lost his job a couple of weeks ago. We lost a person recently so I told him about the opening. I told him I would give him a good recommendation. And my company agreed to pay him what he was making at his other job, plus a dollar raise in three months. Not bad! Plus he will have insurance and stuff. So that's good. He will start on Tuesday!

I've always found it easier to get a job where I knew someone that was working there, than I did just like by interviewing or something. But I really haven't had that many jobs in my life. I was with one company for 15 years. Another for 3 and this company for 5.5. So that's the extent of my job history.

I want to change my personality ^-;

I know that's not 100% possible ^-;

But just to improve myself basically ^-;

I won't bother with the self-pity, self-hatred etc... ^-;

I will just continue living ...

The more of what you put out.., the more of that you get back..

Took yesterday off social media, I don't think I can do a full 2 weeks. I just need to cut back a bit here and there.

My building is having a potluck today so I'm going to that in a few hours

I have been spending a lot of time coloring. My anxiety was severe yesterday, felt on the verge of panic multiple times, and the spirits have been bothering me again. But I feel okay so far today.

Mustachio snuggled up with me this morning while I played a game

Glad to see you back, Blue_Bird! HUG

I fear depression is back. I had a bit of reprieve yesterday on my birthday but it seems like it is back today. Sigh. I have aftercare tonight so that is something to look forward to at least.

Sorry I missed your birthday, happy birthday! I hope you feel better soon

Thank you Blue_Bird! love you hun

GP appointment today at 2. Don't know if I will bring up the whole psych eval thing from last time or not. Definitely need to talk to her about the nausea I am having in the mornings and I need a couple of prescriptions filled.

I volunteered for a lunch kitchen prep shift at the local place that does meals for the community for July 18th. I volunteered there once a few years ago as part of a college assignment. I'm nervous but I figure it will be good. It's 2 hours. 11am-1pm. I think I'm gonna try to do that like a few times a month

This is a great idea! Good way to get some volunteer experience in, which can be good to leading towards a job! And what a good way to serve the community! I am so proud of you!

Thanks SK! I’m nervous but looking forward to it too

Potluck/cookout thing was good, just got back inside from it. I enjoyed the food

Oh yeah, I should be able to make my FINAL payment on what I owe my college tomorrow sooo I should be able to get the process started for re-enrolling. If I can’t get in in time for the Fall Semester (starts august 29th and I don’t know how long it will take to straighten things out) then I will be re-enrolled for the spring semester (starts around January) at the latest I hope if all goes well.

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Blue_Bird you are making a lot of positive steps in your life. I am proud of you!

Brain fog today. Feeling really bad.

HUGS Desoxyn

The place I'm volunteering at, I used to use them when I was struggling severely financially a few years ago. When I lived in my last apartment, it took up all my money in bills. At the time after my bills were paid each month I had hardly any money left and couldn't get enough food. So I used to go to their dining hall to eat at their community meals, sometimes lunches, sometimes, dinners, sometimes breakfasts. They serve all 3 every single day. I was very thankful for them because they're very friendly and welcoming and they were sometimes the only way I'd be able to actually eat during the times I ran out of food at home. They do a lot of other stuff for the community as well, clothing, housing, etc Tons of stuff, they're a great place

Take an olanzapine….

That sounds like an amazing place to volunteer 😄

I took Dexedrine - The olanzepine will be taken at 5pm (In 3 hours). They are both similar to me.. Mild/smooth, rearranges dopamine..

I overdosed yesterday on rum, phenibut and weed. I lied down, going in and out of consciousness, dizzy.. Then went to sleep - Woke up like how I was.

Yesterday morning, I felt the best I could possibly feel.. Music sounded really good, I was in tune with the energies of reality - I wanted an energy drink... My mom said not to drink one (Bad for heart) so I bought a coke.. I felt... like .. idk why - But I drank/smoked the things..

SP.. I think I have autism with psychosis - It's all "Quasi-psychosis" - But I was put on antipsychotics.. Which made me sleep with not much cognitive stimulation - So now the schizophrenia label fits (I don't have any foundation of past skills from neurodegeneration). So if I stop the APs, symptoms happen (Mostly agitation, regret, sui thoughts, anxiety).

And the Abilify made me impulsive as all hell. I was on.. 30-40mg a day. Bad ADHD and chemical addiction, mania.. For years. So I have to continue doing what I'm doing - Being as self-aware, improving... I think I'm doing the right things..

My catecholamines are depleted

Coffee.. with olanzepine

Just had some coffee too

Getting a London travel guide since my friend and I are planning a trip there in a few years from now. Just wanted book to look at to get me excited about going, not that I'm not excited, its just reading/looking at physical pictures of the place will get me hyped for the trip and motivated to save my money for it.

Hey everyone. I've been away. Away with my thoughts or whatever. It's fine. I am better now. I was seeing a really bad T. Telling me all I need is to work on self-esteem and stuff like that. I don't know why I was seeing her. Sometimes it takes failure to get better I suppose. And my pdoc is being silly and not returning calls again. And he leaves town tomorrow. Yikes. I know I can switch to another pdoc which is a good thing. Probably I am going to. I mean at least I have the choice, as I know some people don't. Anyway. Hope to bring at least a little positivity around.