Roll Call 199

I hope you'll feel better soon, Blue_Bird. I've spent years of my life feeling that way, I'm really sorry you're feeling so bad. No one would be better off if you were gone. It's just the opposite, they'd all feel so much worse if anything happened to you. For me, Klonopin made the sui ideation chronic. Lots of hugs,

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Thanks I appreciate it I don’t take klonopin, I have it but I only take one tablet maybe like every two to three months if that, I haven’t taken any in well over a month

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The meds I’m on are zoloft , trileptal, Thorazine and abilify

I’m doing a bit better today though. I think I’m just frustrated by my lack of progress in life. I turn 29 next month and have accomplished nothing

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That's good. Be sure and tell your pdoc about the sui thoughts. They might want to put you on an antidepressant, or something.

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There is plenty of time to work, and the PetSmart volunteer job is an accomplishment, as is the food volunteer job. You are doing well already.

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My dad needs to bring back more Mexican 50mg codeine tablets. I like those.

I can say anything to anyone on it, and have no social anxiety.

I did have sleep paralysis last night - It was scary this time. Higher order thoughts are disabled in that state of mind, so I get delusions while I'm unconscious/paralyzed, but still awake.

I want to die and transition to the new realm. I can't help it.

I couldn't sleep last night, so was up the whole night

Plans for today:

Walk to the store to buy some household essentials
Clean apartment
Exercise (treadmill, weights, and squats with resistance bands)
Play videogames with my bf while FaceTiming
Read
Meditate
Take a shower

Yeah I didn’t take my Thorazine last night. I don’t know what the **** is wrong with me. You’d think I’d learn but no.

So yeah off it I don’t sleep. I get more done but I hardly sleep at all. And the tiny amount I do get is horrible quality. On it I feel like I sleep too much, and feel like I don’t get as much done

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But I’m gonna take it tonight

I’m an idiot or something. You’d think I’d stop doing the same stupid stuff over and over but no

I have to get back on track even if it means I sleep more than I feel I should

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Not sure what happened but I was up sick all night myself. My only list for today is laundry.

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Doing what I do every weekend, chisel away at my novel, adding dreams, taking out the bad replacing it with improvements, preparing to read the last epic poem on my bucket list of poems to read in my life. As I downsize my library, I'm realizing how badly I need an e-reader, not just any e-reader though, but one where I can take notes in the indents and header and footer, underline, and highlight, not just PDF's but books too. Kindle is slacking so hard in this area. They advertised one device that seemed like it might do this, but nope, and it was expensive too. The Remarkable 2 and another device by Kobo does this, I'm just surprised that Kindle hasn't taken advantage of this. It's essential for teachers and students to be able to do this.

Hope you feel better

I altered my to do list to just do what I feel like today because I don’t feel up to doing any of that

I did meditate for 20 minutes and read for 45 minutes though

It’s still so early though only 11:30am.

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There’s a storm down in the part of KY my boyfriend lives in that has been knocking out his power a lot today. So don’t think we’ll be able to play games together today.

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I need a replacement for my kindle. I want one of the really nice ones but I’m just gonna get an Amazon fire tablet. It’s only $69. Is a better deal. Because I can use the kindle app on there AND my libraries reading apps such as hoopla and Libby. Oh and it can do audiobooks as well. Plus I can use it to stream my shows and movies on various apps like HBO Max, Netflix, Amazon Prime, Crunchyroll etc. I was gonna buy a kindle but then my android tablet broke and I need a replacement for both so this is the best option for me because it does everything I need for a decent price

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I ned to get refills on my omeprazole. I haven't taken it in over a week, I didn't think it would make such a big difference but omg the heartburn/acid reflux is horrible (I have gerd) I'm hoping over time with exercise and healthy eating though that I can eliminate GERD. Maybe it won't though. Who knows. We'll see. But in the meantime I really need that so I'm calling my doctor tomorrow

I went to the gym on Wednesday, Saturday, and today (Sunday). Feeling good. I’m glad I rejoined. I feel energized going to the gym. Getting back to basics before I start doing like deadlifts and stuff like I was doing before.

I saw people running a half marathon today and I’m like… I’m not built for running, I’m built for weightlifting hahaha.

I just made a smoothie. Going to make fresh shrimp spring rolls for lunch, and then a Mexican power bowl for dinner. I bought a couple cookbooks about power bowls.

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Have food poisoning or something similar to it

trigger for possible tmi, just trying to explain it


I can't help but panic and think my doctor or someone is poisoning me or something, I know that's not logical

Yeah I have food poising too…it’s no fun…I think it might have been the smoothie yesterday I got out although it could have been anything.

I hope you feel better, I think it’s the chicken I had yesterday , not sure though but that’s probably most likely

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Whatever it was it seems to be calming down now, it’s been like 13 hours of this, I finally am getting a break and seem to be able to eat and drink now without it going straight through me

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Hugs I just had chicken rice soup for lunch sometimes items on the brat diet help, bananas rice applesauce and toast

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I'm glad you're feeling better. I hope SP is feeling better too.

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Much better now.

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I need amphetamines