Roll Call 199

Thanks junkDNA! Good to see you (even though I see you on Facebook too lol)

Anyway yeah I definitely didn’t bring up my disability, I think SP gave me that tip beforehand so I made sure I didn’t do that. But yeah I was pretty nervous, and did stumble over my words a bit. I don’t do well socially in situations like that so I do need to practice. I’m glad I’m trying though. I’m sure I’ll get something eventually and I’ll get better over time

You’re definitely an inspiration since you have managed to work while on SSI . I think everyone here is an inspiration. Cogladaid, Desoxyn, SlumberKitty, SP, Newtus (though she’s not on the forum now) etc. and anyone else who I may be forgetting at the moment, everyone here has done well with managing their disability and working or creating their home life or whatever everyone does. I am far behind everyone but I think I’ll catch up eventually.

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I called and just confirmed that I didn’t get the BK job. The position was filled by someone else. It hurts

Like been crying the past 15 minutes

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I had some horribly awkward interviews. most people are very nervous during a job interview. but like I said each one you do will give you practice and more confidence. hang in there

You're not a failure! You definitely have a place in the world, there's no reason to give up! You can try places for a second time in a few weeks. Employers only get ready to hire when they need someone. They don't look at old applications, and that's important to know. If they need anyone they'll look at applications from the current week.

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The point of it is that they'll either hire you on the spot or keep your application a little longer.

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Thanks everyone for the support, I appreciate it. I’m gonna keep trying and see what I can find. I’m also considering looking into veterinary technician programs since I do well working with animals so I can study to become a vet tech at some point, I think that may be a good future (way future) career choice for me. In the meantime I’ll keep volunteering and looking and asking around trying to get connections and see if I can find somewhere that I can work that’s suitable for me

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Thank you ! Yes, I do do some of those things and they're good suggestions!! I have a big box of colored pencils and a couple of coloring books, I keep thinking I'll start but I'm always online on my phones, and watching Pluto tv. I miss my mother today, and yesterday. It's still a surprise that she's gone. God only knows what my relative may have said to her about me being sent here, "instead of prison".

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I also have my giant sized edition of "Christian Astrology" by William Lilly. I'm glad I have it here, I can read it a hundred times and still learn new things. My friend made me bring it even though I didn't want to at the time.

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It’s hard missing a parent, I miss my mom a lot as well.

Coloring is a good idea. It’s very relaxing and you can be proud of what you’ve done when you finish. I like to do it while listening to music or having a show in the background maybe you can play a show on Pluto tv in the background while you color

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That sounds interesting, that’s cool that you can still learn new things from it

I don’t know much about astrology but it does seem interesting

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Painted this in art group today

I love the colors and depiction of the sky and water.

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Thank you! I’m pretty out of practice with painting.

I kind of just experimented with like 6 different colors mixed in the water portion in the painting

It will be easier to practice and get better when I can get some acrylic paint to practice at home in my apartment. Cause art group is only once a month and only an hour.

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Good ideas, thank you. Sorry you're missing your mom too.

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Anxiety of which harnesses the power of 1000x suns.

Atenolol, olanzepine, diazepam. Those helped.

Now I sleep.. to go to work in the morning. I miss my mom (She's gone somewhere for work for 24 hours).

I spent the day, lying on the couch, with sunglasses on, listening to music (With the news on the TV in the background) which I could hear through my earbuds. It was probably one of the craziest states of ket I've ever been in... Dancing around, occasionally helping an autist friend with her trip..

I felt like I was in an infinite reality.. I would move my hands, arms around in weird ways.. Saying things in my head (That people from other dimensions or downtown can hear.. waiting for someone to come into the apartment... but realize and accepted, that I always suffer - And no one shows up.. all alone in those states). My cat jumped onto me and calmed me for about 10 minutes, and I felt better.

My mom phoned, and I was in a magic DPDR state, boiled perogies and made grilled cheese.. I didn't do much of anything productive..

And I want to.. I want the best life - Like what you guys talk about with "self care", and "colouring", etc.. To be mindful, relaxed, comfortable.. But I was never like that in my life.. But I try.. It's always freaking out, pain and stress. Although my mood has been really good.. I'm just not sure how to get out of these bad habits.

I ordered the new Bose earbuds (400 dollar) - I bought like 4-5x 300 dollar wired earbuds (When I was a teenager - They always broke). Then 2x wireless after that, then Sony wireless earbuds... But they always break or lose their battery power.. This one will arrive next week (And I'm excited for it).. I have my earbuds in usually, all day, every day..

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird ..... In the meantime I’ll keep volunteering and looking and asking around trying to get connections and see if I can find somewhere that I can work that’s suitable for me

Finding work that is suitable for you is important. The chances of success are so much greater and keeping the job will be so much easier than working at a job that is a bad fit.

Keep at it. It's tough but in the end it will pay off. -- That's what everyone tells me and there seems to be truth in it. I've been in this situation before.

That is brutal.

What type of suns are these? Class O?

I just applied for 2 dishwashing jobs , one in a Italian cafe and one in a pizza place. I also applied for a job at the grocery store , for their grocery department and bakery department.

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I figure if I keep applying and going to interviews I’ll get something at some point.

I also figure dishwashing, and grocery store type jobs would be a tad lower stress than fast food. I honestly don’t think fast food is the place for me

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I honestly think I’ve made a lot of progress though

Like a year ago I wasn’t volunteering, wasn’t applying for jobs and had never been to an interview. And my mental health was really bad. Now I’ve done all that and am not giving up. Me a year or so ago would have literally given up and gotten depressed over getting rejected from a job. I also worked on trauma and stuff in therapy.

Plus I’m going back to college at the end of august.

For someone like me who also has a history of BPD in addition to my other diagnoses. That one in particular really makes it hard to face any kind of rejection or criticism real or imagined. Like it feels like a punch to the face. So the fact that I got over getting rejected from Burger King in a matter of hours is a good sign

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Also sent an email to a local indie bookstore I love going to, asking if they were by any chance hiring. I couldn't find any links on their website for applying, so I figured it couldn't hurt to ask. Working in a bookstore especially that one would be like a dream come true

The bookstore emailed me back. They said they don’t have online applications but I’m welcome to come in anytime and fill one out there and meet one of the managers so I plan on doing that probably tomorrow

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I think I’m still going to my McDonald’s interview on May 11th. Even if just for the interview experience. Even if I get rejected again. It will be good to practice.

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I cry....

It's so easy to cry after glutamate rebound from ket being relieved, from my meds.. diazepam, pregabalin, olanzepine, atenolol, dexedrine.

My mom gave me a bracelet - It said "Someday when the pages of my life end, I know that you will always be one of the most beautiful chapters. Always keep me in your heart for you are always in mine. Nothing and nobody, not even time will ever change that. Mother and Son Forever Linked Together".

I don't want her to die, or my dad. But they will die eventually, soon maybe who knows. I don't understand death of close ones (Never in my life). So it's going to be so sad that Idk what I'll do.