Roll Call 199

I alternate between wanting to be in my relationship and hating being in a relationship. I hate BPD. It sucks. Thankfully I haven’t impulsively ended things in one of my “hating being in a relationship moments”, Eventually I come out of those moments and feel better about things. I just hope I don’t screw things up.

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I’ve been dissociating so frequently lately. Where I can’t bring myself back to reality.

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Hugs Desoxyn, I don’t have any advice really just wanted to let you know I’m here and care

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When I was quitting opiates, every day was day one at first too, and it was like that for a while. Today is day 264.

I know it's trite, but one day at a time. It helped me to wake up every day and say "I'll wait until tomorrow," and remind myself of that throughout the day.

What helps you all when feeling dissociated? (If you experience it)

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Cold shower or dunking my head in a bucket of ice water. Unpleasant, but it works and doesn't cause any harm.

I don’t have a bucket unfortunately that sounds like it would help a lot, but maybe I can pour a cup of ice water on my head

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Cold shower could work, I am scared of cold showers though lol

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I poured a cup of ice cold water on my head and it seemed to help

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I hope you're okay. Those type of comments remind me so much of how I recently was. But they were destroying me. So I finally had to start forcing myself to stop thinking like that because the only thing it does it causes so much pain. You know what they say, Ignorance is bliss! And how true it is. I hope you take this comment in good light.

Someone on youtube with DID said smelling salts works wonders for dissociation. There are a few brands such as Wake The Dead Smelling Salts. I haven't tried them yet but people say they definitely work, and they're strong.

I can feel your pain, Desoxyn. I don't know what to tell you other than to keep your mind busy with other things. You think too much. Yes, it's good... up until a point, then you just drive yourself mad like what you're doing right now.

Go for a walk, take a hot bath and listen to some uplifting music, hang out in nature, watch a comedy, do something to take your mind off of things.

Oh cool, that’s a good idea

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Went for a night walk last night. Feeling better since then except I've been sneezing like crazy lately. It might allergies from grass and plants in the backyard.

I finally did it. Last night I spent more money then I have. Actually airbnb doesn't charge me for all of the months up front. I have a few months to make money somehow or I can sell my car.

Going for my morning walk now.

Night walks are always nice.

I walked to this place where they read fiction last night (short stories). It was a big adventure for me. It was like a 35 minute walk there and back. Anyway, I had a good time.

You’re doing a lot. You are volunteering and your have your relationship so maybe you’re doing less self care and more stressful stuff?

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My sister sure is a psycho. She basically said to everyone in group chat the she and my brother are mom's favorites and I'm not.

I'm watching through the window a baby bird and her mom. The baby just learned to fly. Mom is teaching her baby the ropes of life, where the good fruit tree is and baby follows mom everywhere. Happy Mother's day, momma birdy!

I like going to snap chat map. It makes me feel less alone to see what the world's doing. You can zoom into your area or anywhere. Pretty cool Snap Map

Yeah that’s true. I haven’t been spending as much time on self care. Like journaling, etc I need to set aside time for myself to do that stuff. I did go to my friends house today and had a lot of fun

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Anyone have any recommendations for self care?

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I ate way too much. It's mother's day and although I'm not a mom lol I decided to break my slimming and bought some stuff at trader joe's. A small thai green curry dish and some india chicken curry and a bottle of plain kefir unsweetened milk. Feel like I got out of an all you can eat buffet. It wasn't that much food. The kefir milk is big though

Now I'm just waiting for my mom to skype with her least favorite child.

I decided I'm gonna paint tonight, one of my miniatures. I haven't painted in a couple months I think

Took the dogs for a nail trim. Got plants and Starbucks with my mom. Got fries for lunch (made half assed poutine). Then I went and got another pair of runners (I had a $30 gift card and a $10 voucher so the shoes ended up being $50 with taxes - they were on sale but the original price was about $110).

Now I have to clean and then make steamed pork buns.

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This morning has been horrible. I feel so bad. I wonder if it's the minocycline (Acne med) I started yesterday.

"Individual case studies also point to a possible link between minocycline and negative mental health effects.

In one 2019 case reportTrusted Source, a 37-year-old woman taking minocycline for a skin condition began experiencing symptoms of depersonalization 2 days after starting the medication. She also reported a loss of interest in things she’d usually consider important, another symptom of depression.

She had no personal or family history of any psychiatric condition — and her symptoms improved within just a few days of stopping minocycline."