Roll Call 199

"Slept in" until 3:30 this morning
I made it a week without bingeing/purging! (but screwed that up today).
Plan on hiking tomorrow if I actually sleep and can make the drive to where I want to go. It's going to rain and the drive involves going through some notches and that always freaks me out when I'm driving in a freakin' cloud.

I feel like I'm on the edge of psychosis. People have been acting weird around me and whispering to eachother when I walk past. The TV is being weird too. Idk, I'm just sick of all this BS.

Sorry to hear…

Hi unsure, are you still taking your meds?

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I am still taking my meds but my clozapine had to be reduced by 50mg because I had too much in my blood. It was lowered about 2 months ago. I don't really want to mention it to my psychiatrist because I can't go back up on clozapine and I've tried a lot of different meds. Idk what to do.

They may be able to add a second AP, I think that’s a common thing to do with clozapine.

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My bf and I each played Zelda Breath of the Wild on Nintendo Switch while we FaceTimed eachother , we played for like an hour and a half it was a lot of fun

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I hope you feel better soon

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I was gonna mention this also. I’m on two APs and they help me a lot more together with my other meds than either one has helped me alone.

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I hate going to sleep at night but it’s necessary.

I’ve slept the past two nights and I’m gonna sleep every night from now on.

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Sleeping daily sucks, but it’s for the best. People are meant to sleep every day unfortunately.

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I used to stay up all night many times, some of the most beautiful experiences, lying on the grass, looking at the stars and seeing the sky turn more blue.. Then the sun rises, walk downtown, listening to a podcast and lining up for coffee..

They were magical times, lots of metaphysical enlightening thoughts. But now I sleep EVERY night + Set an alarm EVERY morning (For years), to wake up , and not sleep in..

If I stay up too long (24 hours), my heart doesn't like..

Meth addicts for example, they will stay up for 4 days (And at 5-6 days awake, the risk of "sudden death" is much more likely).

Take care of your heart/cardiovascular system, your brain, mental health, circadian rhythm etc.. Blood pressure and heart rate go down during sleep, REM sleep happens and deep sleep... You have MUCH time (During the day), to do all of the great things.. Naps are good too, just relax. cuz yknow;

As hunter gatherers, imagine.. we'd hunt the antelope.. and collect the roots, berries, etc.., then just lie there, under a tree (Sun beaming down), talking about stories... Where's the mental illness then.. And when sleeping at night? Some people would be awake.. And would wake everyone else up (When there's predators!).

Then dancing etc.. "He has the God in him/her" bumdadadadadumdadada, excitement. That's where the dopamine was, and activation of the serotonin receptors...

Don't laugh or cringe.. We have come from these insane, confused people. They built pyramids and small civilizations, mathematics involved eventually stuff like that (From looking at those stars....). It's great.

I love staying up all night or at least staying up late enough or waking up early enough to see the sunrise. It's magical indeed.

I was gonna go hiking today, but (TW just in case for medical stuff)
so instead I have to call my doc and try to get in with a GI for an endoscopy.
Plus we're in a flood warning. So I guess I'll just stick to running.

I hope everything will be okay

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I am doing well today, just taught a class. Have another one this afternoon.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear. I think you should tell your doc anyway. Maybe they can add a med or something.

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I went downtown and filled out/turned in an application to a local bookstore. I’m gonna call Walmart tomorrow to follow up on my applications just to like get noticed since I’m sure they get a lot of applications.

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I got these two dresses, I normally don't ever wear dresses but I have always wanted to have the confidence to wear them. I also just feel like it would feel a lot better to wear one when it's like 95 degrees than be stuck wearing jeans like I normally wear which are too hot

[52% OFF] 2023 Plus Size Dress Galaxy Octopus Print Cut Out High Waisted A Line Mini Dress In BLACK | DressLily

[37% OFF] 2023 Plus Size Dress Octopus Print Lace Up High Waisted Dress High Low Mini Dress In BLACK | DressLily

I think they're cute, that's all I'm buying in terms of clothes for a couple months though.

They were a part of some of my impulse purchases when manic but I think I can put them to good use and they're cute

Yeah I'll tell her when I see her next.

What’s everyone up to?

I had a pretty good day, I feel a tad less impulsive, like a smidge less. Lol anyway hope you all are doing well. Tomorrow morning I have a volunteer shift at Petsmart. I’m looking forward to seeing what cats are there this week. Wednesday I have yoga class. Friday I’m going to the homeless shelter in the morning to volunteer with kitchen/meal prep/serving.

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My friend that lives in the building, her birthday is on Saturday so on Friday I’m gonna bake some M&M cookie bars for her

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Well, I got a referral for a gastroenterologist, should be about a month before I can get that endoscopy to see why I'm vomiting blood. I'm supposed to go for blood work today too to make sure nothing's changed since February. Not gonna lie when I saw the coffee grind thing I kinda freaked and took all my PRNs and snorted 15mg of valium. Slept pretty damn good.

I talk to pdoc tomorrow. I feel like all in all I've been doing pretty well. No med changes needed at this time.

Diazepam intranasal isn't as bioavailable as oral (It's 100% B/A oral). Triazolam is the only benzo that has a better B/A isufflating than oral ^-

Hugs though