Roll Call 201

Todays gonna suck. I’m so freaking tired right now. I’ve been up for 26 hours. By time I get off work I’ll have been up 34 hours. I really want to call in but I’m scared to because I took a day off a couple weeks ago.

I’m just gonna go, I don’t want to rack up points for absences

Would it be bad to have taken two sick days the first two full months I’ve been there? I’m really debating on taking today off. But I don’t want there to be negative consequences. I just feel horrible from sleep deprivation and need to get my sleep schedule back on track

I went to CVS and they weren’t open for some reason even though they’re open every day at 7am. It’s 8 and there was no lights on in there, door wasn’t open. And no sign on the door saying why. Idk what was up with that. But I wasted an hour of my morning doing that and obviously wasn’t able to get my anxiety med refill

Nevermind, I am gonna go to work today. I want to keep my attendance good. I can do it.

Oh yeah I got two discount cards they gave employees to give to family members, so I am giving one to my sister and one to my niece so they can get a discount every time they buy stuff there. I have my own employee ID badge I can use to get my own discount for me when I shop there.

The pharmacy hasn't put my meds into the online prescription website so I can't see them. My psychiatrist forgot to add diazepam. I have many benzos anyways (But most aren't legitimately made).

It seemed to my mom like I had dementia last night. I was sitting there, not knowing what to do. After asking ChatGPT psychosis questions. I took 5mg of olanzepine and went to sleep.

My mom is having meetings in the hotel (Through Teams), and her voice drove me nuts all morning. I have my noise canceling earbuds in now.. There's a snow storm, so we could be stuck 3 hours away, in the middle of the Rocky Mountains.

I'm worn out.. I would trip so hard if it weren't for my tachycardia.

Work was good. I sat in on some interviews so I could learn how to interview people. Also ran returns back onto the sales floor. And was the door person/loss prevention for like 15 minutes too while the loss prevention person took their 15 minute break.

Life is complete.

Now what do I do..

I just want to not exist lol.. Or soothe in a ketamine unconsciousness, with some music - For millions of years. But that's what I am doing.

Pain happens.. And hell will happen..

It just continues.. Continueeesss. And I want a stop. There must be something going on badly with my inner and outer self.

This is fine. I guess. I don't know. Life is going alright. I am continuing to write metaphysical reflections. I write philosophy occasionally. I don't know if I'd ever be accepted into a philosophy PhD program or something of the like, but I don't really care, honestly (I do though). I just know my parents would be totally against the idea. I don't make much money. That's kind of a problem. I need to make money. Tutoring is bad. I don't know. It's kind of alright though. The problem is the currency I get paid in is getting severely devalued. And there's not a whole lot of hope for that. But that's alright. All in all, I am doing well. I have a girlfriend, so that's cool. I decided I probably will not finish my MA. I will take the option to just get an MA without a dissertation I suppose. They kind of manipulated me at that university into thinking that I had unlimited time to finish the dissertation. Then about six months ago (maybe shorter, I can't remember), they were like, oh hey, do you need an extension because it's due in September. I can't remember their exact words of course. But it surprised me. I thought I trusted them but I now totally do not. Anyway, now I have an extension until March. I don't know! It's so difficult to consider doing even the slightest bit of work on it!

Also just wanted to share with people if there's anyone interested in creative writing, to blow off stress or whatever, there's a reddit devoted to writing prompts. It's on reddit and the sub is just called WritingPrompts. I just wrote a decent story off of one of the prompts off of there.

Also just curious about those who know about relationships or if you want to put your opinion forth, how do I tell my significant other what I want to do without being/sounding defensive? I mean that I want to be independent without her. But I don't want to sound like I'm leaving her or something like that. If that makes sense... Someone might be able to answer my question. Independence is tough in relationships I gather...

WastingAsparagus I don’t have advice but I know it’s healthy to have independence and time to yourself in relationships, my bf and I mutually understand that we both need our own time to ourselves to do our own things sometimes. I hope you’re able to figure out a way to bring up the subject with your gf because it is important

Yayyyy it’s payday so I bought groceries with most of my paycheck. So I have a Walmart grocery delivery coming tonight. Super excited to have food in here cause I’ve been just getting by with like ramen and pb and j lately.

I would just say I needed some me time on occasion to do whatever…but specify writing etc.

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This is what I got

- [ ] Flour
- [ ] Sugar
- [ ] Chicken nuggets
- [ ] Frozen Jalapeño poppers
- [ ] Sweet Baby Rays honey mustard sauce
- [ ] 2 cans of pumpkin (to make like pumpkin bread and stuff like that)
- [ ] 2 lbs ground beef (85/15)
- [ ] 1 lb boneless skinless chicken breast tenderloins
- [ ] Yellow onion (2)
- [ ] Hamburger pickles
- [ ] Worcestershire sauce
- [ ] Mayonnaise
- [ ] Thousand island dressing
- [ ] Sweet relish
- [ ] Hamburger buns
- [ ] Shredded iceberg lettuce
- [ ] American cheese yellow
- [ ] Bananas
- [ ] Blueberries
- [ ] Almond milk
- [ ] Greek yogurt plain
- [ ] Eggs
- [ ] Butter
- [ ] Avocado x2

I have all the stuff to make the Big Mac sloppy joe recipe I found on Pinterest

I got a set of two decks of lord the rings themed magic the gathering decks because they were on sale for $10 less than their original price.

Put money on my bus card for bus fare. And my violin lesson I already paid for for this weekend. Cats have food and litter. I have all the essentials I need in the house. And bills are paid

Since I have Halloween off work I’m probably gonna bake chocolate chip pumpkin bread that day.

Yummm. Sounds good.

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Pumpkin bread is great especially this time of year! I’ve made it many times before, but never have made it with chocolate chips yet. I love banana bread too, I’ve only personally made banana bread one time before but when I did the entire house smelled like banana bread from the oven and it was amazing

Never had pumpkin bread before, but for thanksgiving a couple weeks ago we made pumpkin cheesecake. It was so good.

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Pumpkin cheesecake is great! You should definitely try pumpkin bread if you get a chance sometime

I’ve always wanted to learn how to make cheesecake of any kind but I have always been intimidated by it. I do want to eventually get a springform pan though so I can try it. Trying to get more into cooking and baking. It’s a lot more satisfying making something than just going out to buy it. Though that’s fine too and good too but something feels extra nice about making something

I have two loaf pans so I’ll probably make a loaf of pumpkin bread for my sister too so she can bring one home, to thank her for the memory foam pillow

I’m super excited about these jalapeño poppers coming in my Walmart grocery delivery. They’ll be here in an hour. I’m gonna make them for dinner. Those things are so good. I’m gonna make them in my air fryer

I go get my covid and flu shots tomorrow