Roll Call 201

Basically I’m trying to make my apartment into a cozy comfortable sanctuary that looks cozy, feels cozy and smells really good (with like febreeze plug in diffusers and my scentsy wax warmer). So I have a place where I feel relaxed and happy when I’m not working

I’ve been so caught up in my own head with work stress the past few days I forgot to say:

It’s great to see you falcon! It’s been quite awhile and I’ve always wondered how you were doing!

Desoxyn: you’re doing great! I’m proud of you, you have made a lot of progress with work and your chores and self care and everything

Cogladaid, I’m glad you got to go to the burlesque show , that sounds fun! I’m glad you’re having fun and I hope you have a good time at the expo

I have my violin lesson at 1pm today. I feel bad because I haven’t practiced violin at all the past week. So I’m embarrassed to admit that to my instructor but I am just gonna be honest about it I guess and do better this week.

Oh I scheduled my flu shot and covid booster for this Saturday

My violin lesson went really well. I have another one on Sunday. Now I’m just enjoying the rest of my day off. Im probably gonna practice violin for an hour tonight.

I got this funny pic of Maybelle stretching a few minutes ago that looks like she’s lifting weights lol

Kind of looks like a messed up bent saw.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I’m so stressed out about work. Like I’ve been crying on and off the past day about it. Cause my stress is so high from it. They put me up front as a cashier then refuse to give me back up and I was the only one there and there was a big line, it’s so stressful and so much pressure. Idk how I’m gonna manage it over the holiday season once they get extremely busy if they keep things short staffed like that. I’m supposed to be fully in the new position of talent captain by then if they ever finish training me but they keep putting me up on the register because they keep not having people showing up

If it gets to the point where fit affecting your health it’s not worth it. Wait until college and get a student job they’re so much better.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

I am torn on what to do. I like having a job but I hate the toxic environment and the stress is unbelievable

Ironically right now I’m listening to this episodeof Jay Shetty’s podcast, titled 8 strategies to deal with toxic or negative people in your life, work and relationships. So maybe I’ll learn something.

"I am light.. I am infinite.. I am the channel.. I am expanding.. I am psychedelic.. I am vibration.. I am timeless.. I am unity.. I am activating.. I am resident.. I am galactic.. I am radiant.. I am define.. I am electric.. I am lunar.. I am magnetic.. I am planetarium.. I am balance.. I am organized.. I am connected.. I am inspired.. I am in harmony.. I am integrity.. I am perfect.. I am manifestation.. I am dissolving.. I am releasing.. I am liberated.. I am dedicated by universalized enduring and transcending.. I am being.. I am communicating.. I am spirit.. I am breathing.. I am cosmic.. I am essence.. I am power.. I am action.. I am dreaming.. I am a bondless.. I am intuition.. I am god.. I am extreme.. I am internal and external flowering.. I am clocking.. I am aware.. I am light force.. I am surviving.. I am DMT.. I am inspiring.. I am art.. I am accomplishing.. I am healing.. I am beauty.. I am elegance.. I am pure.. I am flowing.. I am love.. I am the chakras.. I am coinciding.. I am playing.. I am magic.. I am the lucid.. I am free will.. I am wise.. I am exploring.. I am space in time.. I am the awaking light.. I am vivid.. I am enchanting.. I am timelessness incomplete infinite design.. I am alien.. I am human.. I am receptor.. I am vision.. I am energy.. I am mind fine questioning and I’m answering.. I am intelligent.. I am fearless.. I am evolving.. I am opening my third eye to the unseen vision translating eye in synchronicity.. I am reflecting.. I am endless.. I am ordering chaos.. I am the doubt.. I am crystallize.. I am self generation.. I am forming.. I am life.. I am the tongue.. I am a color.. I am electronic.. I am the solar lunar and solar opposite and polar in which I’m radio.. I am particles of plasma.. I am endurance.. I am cosmic.. I am releasing.. I am liberating.. I am perfect.. I am holding.. I am the one because the one and I form the infinite and nothing that becomes the everything.. I am symbolic.. I am relative.. I am the divine spirit that harmonizes with the laws projecting the digital loom control the experience and the desire and finds the ecstasy in process."

Good day today - I bought Lion's Mane, Reishi, Cordyceps, and Turkey Tail mushroom extracts. I want adaptogens. I'll take the Lion's Mane for now every day.

Now I must work.. On what ever it is, that I'm supposed to do..

Jobs are great but retail is very hard.

I'm trying, to at least make it through till January.

My sister recommended leaving work stress at work and not letting it into my free time as much as possible since all that time I’m stressing about work I’m not getting paid for that time and it’s taking away peace of mind so I’m gonna try to do that

Got my butterfly tattoo tonight!

The pic is fresh with the bandage on it (SecondSkin) so it’s a little funny looking with blood. But I love it.



It’s by my right ankle. Can’t wait for it to heal to get a better pic of it.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Look who's up at 7:30am!

On medicinal stims, and will travel deeper into the mountains to stay in a hotel resort (That my mom will manage) - The car ride will be nice, to listen to some podcasts, maybe read..

Then I'll just chill all day, while she's at work =]

I wish a good day for you all.

I have work tonight from 5pm to 9pm. I took my 20mg of propranolol and it calmed down a lot of the anxiety.

Then tomorrow I work from 11am to 3pm. Then I’m done with work for the week. Get three days off in a row. I’m gonna go to my friends house on Sunday and we’re gonna play some card games (Digimon, and battle spirits) then I have a violin lesson that afternoon. I’m also gonna paint more of my miniature figures for my descent tabletop rpg board game since I got new paint for them. That’s a really relaxing hobby. It’s nice to do it while listening to music.

I’m ready for tomorrow at 3pm. Cause then I’m off till Monday.

I have an appointment with my therapist next week, I plan on discussing the stress I’m dealing with at work and how to deal with that

I did many things today!! Even though I fell asleep.. My mom told me to drink a coffee (I ordered a "Mocha" - Very stimulating.. Nicely..)...

I think maybe I’ve been dealing with some hypomania. Sleeping less is one thing.

But it’s nothing too bad. I’ve got tattoos I’ve wanted (six little ones in a month and a half) which isn’t bad per say but it’s just money. Cut myself a little short.

But I’m feeling pretty stable and taking a break. Saving money now.

But I’m dreaming of getting more tattoos. Maybe a couple piercings. Maybe dye my hair a fun color like purple.

Reinvent myself into a gamer goth girl.

I made a couple wish lists at some stores. Makeup, clothes, shoes. Not bought anything though. Just dreaming of when I do have more money.

I feel good about things.

I was worried about depression going into fall/winter but I guess I’m having the opposite problem.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Work was fine. People there gossip about everyone. I know they do it about me too but I don’t really care anymore. Like people are always gonna talk **** there’s nothing you can really do about it. Anyway today I was training a new cashier. Hectic was an understatement. There were so many shoppers. I got stuck with a lady who who bought $700 plus worth of stuff. The stuff there isn’t very expensive so yeah it was a ton of stuff. Then I did some recovery on the sales floor. My back hurts. I’m just gonna keep going and doing my best. I have work tomorrow from 11am to 3pm. It’s going on 9:30pm now. Im waiting for the bus to go home

Now that I’m the talent captain I have a set schedule, so I work every Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. Every week. At the same times. Mondays and Thursdays 11am to 3pm and wednesdays 5pm to 9pm. That is set in stone now. Which is a nice perk of this position. My schedule wont be totally unpredictable like it used to be. I can actually schedule things in my life now like things to do on my days off because they are set days off and I can schedule appointments without worrying about work interfering. Occasionally they might ask me to come in an extra day to pick up a shift but those three days every week are set.

Oh yeah and just my luck is that Halloween falls on a guess what? A Tuesday, I don’t work Tuesdays!!! I was hoping for Halloween off and I got it.

It's crazy how much my mood can change from day to day. The day before yesterday I was feeling absolutely despondent about work and hopeless and overwhelmed and stressed. Today I feel fine. I think I'm coming more to the acceptance that it's probably always gonna be somewhat stressful and that coworkers aren't always gonna be people I like, as far as worrying aboout what others are saying or thinking about me I really don't care now. Like it doesn't affect me. I'm there to do my job, it's not a social contes and it's not high school (despite a lot of the employees being right out of high school). The manager wouldn't have made me the talent captain f they were unhappy with me. I'm gonna be responsible for training people, interviewing people, picking which ones to pass on to the hiring manager to be hired and running job orientations. Which is a lot of responsibility. But I'm proud of myself. I'm just feeling realistic about it. It's really good experience to put on a resume some day. I'm hoping to keep the job for a couple years

Ugh. Didn’t sleep. It’s 4am. I have to walk to CVS before work to pick up my meds. I have to head to the bus stop for work around 9:40am.

Glad I get paid tomorrow morning. Gonna splurge on a lot of groceries. Getting stuff to make the Big Mac sloppy joe recipe , and stuff to make a sheet pan chicken fajita and veggies bake.

I regret not going to sleep. I just couldn’t wind down last night but now I feel like crap because I’m so tired, it’s too late to go to sleep now though. I would take a day off but I took a day off a couple weeks ago and I don’t have enough paid sick time to get paid for the full four hour shift. Kinda annoying because I have 3 hours of paid sick time available and half an hour of regular paid time off available. But the shift is 4 hours. So it wouldn’t cover it completely. I’d be short 30 minutes