I don't know if I want to lose weight

It's frustrating. I can't find any good resource anywhere. Mostly everyone expects that if you are overweight, you want to lose weight and you need to figure out how. Rarely the "why" is discussed at all. The only other voice is fat activists, who are far too gone to the other side and are equally unhelpful.

I feel that I have legitimate and personal reasons to do both. I'm balancing around the BMI 30 mark, I'm completely healthy, my fitness level is about average, better than that if I'm not overheating...

I like being the weight I am now because it makes me so variable. One day I can wear a beautiful, colourful outfit and be a center of attention - this is considered brave and unusual due to my figure. I like that. The other day I can wear black and grey and blend into the background of the resigned crowd. And then I can get a bulky vest and not be afraid to walk alone at night. I love that when I attend a festival or something and dance - I love to dance - women come to me and admire the way I'm not afraid and I have a chance to encourage them to join me, often they do. The same happens to me when I go swimming, I love playing in water. I love to see and hear others get inspired by my example. I'm something a bit different and I like that. Also the fat makes me feel safe.

But if I were thinner (I never was, at least after I was 7) it would just be more practical. I'd have less problems with warm weather, wouldn't overheat as much. Also I could do more, walk further, run faster. I could wear some clothes that don't look good on me now. I wouldn't have to worry on work interviews if my weight makes me look less proffesional (according to studies it does). I wouldn't be challenging anyone's perspective just by existing and doing things that come naturally to me. If I started my clothes company, as I plan right after I save enough money, I could easily model my own products in the beginning, which would make things significantly easier (again, studies show that even plus size clothing sells less if it's modelled by a plus size girl, and this project is too small to try to challenge this)

I wholeheartedly hate the pressure society places on being thin. When I lose weight, I feel like I'm giving in, literally giving a part of myself up to be more acceptable. And this is what happens regardless of the true motivation. I hate that!

On the other hand, I gained my weight as a defense in a traumatic environment. Regardless of the function it has in my life now, it ties me to that time of my life and I would like nothing better than to cut the ties. I somehow feel I didn't really put the past behind me as long as I'm overweight.

I don't know. It's maddening. I feel like I can't win. Which is a sign that I need a change of perspective. What are your views on all this?

I know if it were easy I'd want to get all my excess weight off. But it isn't easy so I suppose I'm in the resigned camp. I doubt I'll ever get it off, with a bad back and COPD it's not like I can work out very well. And controlling my eating is very very hard.

I don't see weight-loss as too difficult in my position, I don't have any complications that would prevent me from doing it. At least physically. If I override my inner desires with will-power, it works all right. But this is not a way I want to be doing it. I don't believe it makes sense to do ANYTHING without being fully on board, to the deepest, unconscious layers of personality. I think otherwise you end up as one of the yo-yo dieters who have enough will-power, but not the unanimous decision of their whole being.

What I need most is to come to such a complete conclusion, either about just staying the way I am or losing the weight. But balancing somewhere in between the two is just not what I'm comfortable with.

Thank you for your thought-provoking and wise words on this subject. I do very much agree that to take on a big goal, we have to be fully motivated to do it, or we don't usually get very far.

You asked for views and I suppose I have two. You could focus on your diet and exercise/sports activities and try to make those very healthy and not worry about your weight.

I'm trying to think how to express the second "view". It's where I am now. I'm in my early 50s. I have autoimmune arthritis in addition to psych conditions. I've gradually gained enough weight over the past 3-4 years that I can tell the difference when I walk very far. It's putting strain on my hips and knees and I have developed high blood pressure. I'm hovering at the 29-30 BMI mark.

I had been resisting the idea of dieting until recently when the problem with my hip joints suddenly got worse. I became determined to lose at least 30 pounds. I'm now struggling with getting rid of the "bad" foods from my diet. I already had lots of healthy foods in there but tended to indulge in some high-calorie ones, too.

I guess maybe I'm trying to say, in a long-winded way, like the other poster who commented that they have COPD, that if you are healthy enough now to exercise, that you shouldn't take that ability for granted.

I like that you dislike the pressure society puts on women especially to be thin for the sake of looks. I think we have to try to separate that from the health implications of being overweight.

In sum, I'm not suggesting that you do anything right now. I just wanted to offer you some things to think about.

I'm also really divided on the health subject. On one hand there are statistics. But I know how easily can you make a simple statistic to support whatever you want or believe. Or, more innocently, they hardly represnt individual people or sometimes even the majority because a couple of odd cases can completely screw with it. They're of course not without merit, otherwise no-one would even bother doing them in the first place, but the general public often misinterprets the results to mean something that's not neccesarily true.

I would believe the bad effect on joints, just as I don't doubt the negative effect of junk food or lack of exercise, though.

The funny thing is, I'm pretty health-conscious regarding what I put in my body. How much of it, that is a different story. I just like to eat and I have a problem with not finishing the plate or even having left-overs. I'm also not a fan of high-impact exercise. Dancing, yoga, hiking, swimming, a week worth of backpacking, a physical part time job, I love doing that, but ask me to run... and I will - run away, that is.

I'm not one of those people who can drop weight just by not eating sweets and soda and go for a daily brisk walk. It is reasonably doable, but I just need to put in more effort than that. One good thing is, for the time being I'm completely healthy, had a routine check up last month, also I get tests when donating blood, and they always say everything comes back "excellent", so at least that is one thing I don't need to worry about too much... But then, I'm still quite young and I've been this weight for a very long time.

The one thing that really interests me, though, is knowing what is it like, to be a young, thin and attractive woman. "Young" has an expiration date to it so it's not like I can put it off forever. It is an experience I would surely regret not having when I get older, even if I found out I'm more comfortable being larger or simply gained the weight back for whatever reason. It seems rather shallow, though. But never underestimate the power of sheer curiosity, especially when it comes to myself Hmm. I wonder if I could bring myself to it in the name of a social/psychological experiment...

I can very much relate. I've been overweight since I was 16 except for a brief period in my 20's, and it didn't particularly bother me. My Dr. has been lecturing me about my weight for years, talking about cardiovascular risk. But I have very low bloodpressure and normal cholesterol, so I've kind of ignored her.

I'm 46 now, and something changed this year. All of sudden I started feeling fat, and a bit disgusted with myself. I've also realized that as I age, the extra weight could cause mobility problems.

So I've decided to try to loose weight. I'm working with a dietician - right now I'm in the just trying to add more fruits and vegs, and track everything I eat and drink for a month so she can see my problem areas.

I'm recovering from an ankle injury so major excercise is out of the question at the moment, plus I'm so out of shape, I have to start slow, but I hope by the beginning of Aug. that I'll be able to start a walking program.

Good luck, figuring out what you want to do.

splitimage

I just realized things are not as clear-cut with me as I made it seem, I think. There is an internal confusion and some dark stains in my soul regarding weight loss.

I thought it was just me connecting dots that aren't there, but it's happening again now. In the past 6 months I lost about 15-20 lbs - new job, stopped going to lunch at my grandma's (she's not too happy about it) and people just about started noticing. On one hand I feel succesful. But on the other hand, it's making me feel depressed and uncomfortable. What especially made me sad is that my boyfriend started saying how pretty I look a lot more now, wondering what's changed (posture? summer tan? hair?), he wasn't aware I lost weight. It somehow makes me feel incredibly sad and frustrated, even though everybody is so nice about it. Some days I imagine becoming huge and then just be the sweetest, happiest and most loveable me and be like "take that, I'm still great, see, you still love me because that's who I am"

Often when complimented on my weight loss I start to buy stupid food for several days. Often I go buy something immidiately, especially if I could eat it in front of the person. By stupid food I mean absolute junk that I normally hate - I prefer simple, clean tastes. I'm not even enjoying that, I normally gravitate to completely different kind of treats.

It's messed up.

Ameline, I really admire this. I am perfectly fit and healthy, but hardly a physical Adonis. Yet according to the BMI I was overweight at one point. My bone density is quite strong, thanks to genetics, and my upper body is extra long, and I don't think the BMI really takes these things into consideration.

I think it's MUCH more important to feel good about yourself. I was once full of apathy and I did do the whole gym and watching-what-I-eat thing, religiously, but no progress would be made. At the time I felt so self-conscious and I didn't feel at all attractive.

Nowadays I swim because I love to swim. The fact that it keeps me fit is not my main concern, although it definitely helps my whole mind-body thing. I love my body more, it stops me getting wound so tightly, and I feel good about myself when I swim. I enjoy eating, and I'm much more into self-care now - devoting about 30 mins personal time to myself almost every day. I don't pay attention to these diets, techniques and exercise tips, I just do what I love. Industries like that only perpetuate self-doubt and powerlessness (IMO). I feel much more attractive now more than ever! Physically I think my body image will always be an ongoing thing, no matter how buffed up or toned I end up. I think the turning point for me was when I started to do more things that I loved, like appreciating good food, swimming, and literal, actual nothing-ness in my personal time. I feel much more confident and empowered in myself.

Thanks Ameline, for sharing!

I relate so much!!!

When I was thinner, male attentiveness was based on sexuality, and not me as a person.

As I got heavier, sure, the attention thinned out but then I knew who was interested in ME and not just my appearance. Some of that even goes towards female friends.

So confusing. I don't want to be overweight but being thin has its downside too.

Nobody messes with me at my height/weight….I did not feel that safety as a younger slimmer woman.