[cryingchild]

Why do I feel like hurting myself when I Have had a good day?? Why do I cut deeper when I feel like i have had a good nite.So many why"s I would like to know where all the answers are but is there any ??? Or am I too messed up.I feel really guilty why do I not feel pain when I harm myself why do I feel so numb What is wrong with me??? Why cant I be normal,

Mum said to me tonight do you need help with dressing your arm But im pretty experianced in that department anyhow. but it was nice of her to ask,Too be honest I would not want her seeing what I have had to bandage ..

Write later sorry if ive triggered anyone

[Moonsilk]

I am sorry that you are going through this right now, cryingchild.

I wish I could help you. When I used to self-harm, I did it for attention, nothing more, nothing less. I just wanted someone to notice that I was in pain. Unfortunately, once I hurt myself, I'd hide it - so no one ever noticed.

Eventually, I stopped doing it...I wasn't going to get attention for it...and it wasn't relieveing any emotional pain, or making me feel better.

But the underlying cause was the strong need to feel safe, and cared for. I don't know if any aspect of my reasons are similar to yours, but if there is a similarity, it might be wise to look into it with your Therapist or Psychiatrist.

I hope you begin to feel better soon.

((((((Cryingchild))))))

My thoughts are with you.

Take care.

[Fuzzybear]

[Rapunzel]

Do you think maybe you do it because you are numb and just need to feel something? I wish that I had some answers for you. It did help me to look at some lists of reasons why people hurt themselves and think about which ones felt like "me." I think that my main reason is communication when I get pushed beyond the ability to use better means, or to demonstrate, usually to other people, but also sometimes to myself, that I hurt. Nobody can see the pain inside, but they can see the physical wounds.

Back when I just made little scratches on my wrists that didn't even bleed I worried that I was just doing it for attention, but figured that that must not be it since I never told anybody about it or showed it to them. I think that I might have been testing to see if anybody would notice.

Cryingchild, I do so wish that I knew how to help you feel better. Remember that we are here and we will listen to you and we do understand and we do care.

{{{{{{{{{{Cryingchild}}}}}}}}}}}}

-Wendy

<font color=green>Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that, you, too, can become great. -Mark Twain</font color=green>

[Zenobia]

I know well the desire to keep my SI to myself. If nobody knows about it then nobody can take it away from me. Then there is the shame factor. Sigh. And all those question you have, I have asked them too. I tried asking my T but he didn't have a satisfactory answer. It was all the "you have been doing it so long it is a condition response and it provides you with relief" Ok, but how did I start? Why did it provide me with relief from the very beginning? It is not because I got attention. No one ever knew. It isn't because I felt that I deserved the abuse because I didn't feel that way. It isn't because I hate myself because I don't...did I then...no. So what are the answers? I hope you and I can discover them together since we are both asking them.

May I make a suggestion? Since your mom offered to help you why don't you take her up on it? I know it would be incredibly uncomfortable at first but maybe it would help forge and understanding between the two of you and also give you some of the loving attention you need.
Carrie

<font color=green>Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door.--Emily Dickenson

{{{{{{{{{Crying}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I don't cut for attention, I cut to feel something more than the vast emptiness inside of me. Sometimes I wonder who I am, that I go thru life not feeling anything, but no one notices because I am handling things on the surface so well.

I don't feel pain or numbness when I cut - I feel alive for a few minutes - that someone really exists and isn't just "going thru the motions".

Please take care.......Mary Alice