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  #1  
Old Nov 13, 2009, 04:08 AM
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angel730 angel730 is offline
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Location: Iowa
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wow, well it has been almost a year since I cut myself. I have been doing really well even though my life has felt like crap. Not today though. I was pushed to my last straw and I couldnt take it. I didnt have the support of my family, friends or coworkers and I turned to my comfort zone. No one knows about hurting myself, they have asked about the scars but I keep up with the lie I gave--they dont push any further than that. they dont really want to know.

All I know right now is I dont want to do this anymore. I cant keep pretending I am someone I'm not. I hate everything right now--especially myself. No one in my life understands me--so please, anyone....
Thanks for this!
WePow

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  #2  
Old Nov 13, 2009, 06:47 AM
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WePow WePow is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by angel730 View Post
wow, well it has been almost a year since I cut myself. I have been doing really well even though my life has felt like crap. Not today though. I was pushed to my last straw and I couldnt take it. I didnt have the support of my family, friends or coworkers and I turned to my comfort zone. No one knows about hurting myself, they have asked about the scars but I keep up with the lie I gave--they dont push any further than that. they dont really want to know.

All I know right now is I dont want to do this anymore. I cant keep pretending I am someone I'm not. I hate everything right now--especially myself. No one in my life understands me--so please, anyone....
Safe hugs to you. No one can know the pain of your heart. All I can say is that I do understand what it is like to not feel that support. Oh sure, I have friends and people who "love" me - but I don't feel as though any of them really know me or get me or realize just how deep my wounds go.

SI does provide a small distraction to the internal anguish. But then we are left with even more damage and shame. That is a high price to pay.

More safe hugs.
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Thanks for this!
angel730
  #3  
Old Nov 13, 2009, 03:13 PM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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You went a whole year and this is your first slip up. Pick yourself up and keep moving forward.............

Quote:
Originally Posted by angel730 View Post
I cant keep pretending I am someone I'm not. No one in my life understands me--
These are things that you can work on ^. Who are you pretending to be? How can you find people who understand you? Do you understand yourself?
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
  #4  
Old Nov 13, 2009, 07:39 PM
stupidsminkle stupidsminkle is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2008
Posts: 90
How can anyone know or support you if you don't try to reach out to them? I think you should determine who you can trust and rely on most and have a talk with them. If you don't feel comfortable with this, maybe you should try to find a therapist that you can start to tell your story to. Although to me it seems like you are doing a GREAT job! A whole year!! Maybe you just need to have someone there to support you when you are feeling like crap. Hmmm I have one other idea and that would be a group counseling session, then you would make friends and connections and you guys could exchange numbers to keep each other on the right track. I feel like such a hypocrite for trying to give advice when I can't handle my own problems heheh
  #5  
Old Nov 13, 2009, 11:08 PM
mum2four mum2four is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2009
Location: South Australia
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Quote:
Originally Posted by angel730 View Post
wow, well it has been almost a year since I cut myself. I have been doing really well even though my life has felt like crap. Not today though. I was pushed to my last straw and I couldnt take it. I didnt have the support of my family, friends or coworkers and I turned to my comfort zone. No one knows about hurting myself, they have asked about the scars but I keep up with the lie I gave--they dont push any further than that. they dont really want to know.

All I know right now is I dont want to do this anymore. I cant keep pretending I am someone I'm not. I hate everything right now--especially myself. No one in my life understands me--so please, anyone....
I know the feeling I dont have family support, the only person who knows I self harm is my partner. I recently self harmed for the first time in over a year as well. I was so angry at my self for letting life get to me so badly. To make matters worse I normally hurt my self in a controlled mannar and scared me so much when I snapped out of my anger to realised I now had find a way to hide my cuts from my 4 kids. My partner did the lieing for me I cant lie not even for a good reason. My mum once saw cuts on my arms when I 14y and she did not even care to inquire as to why I was doing it. She simply said "dont do it again" that still makes me angry even today. My mum has no idea who I am as a person and if I try to tell her she will change the subject.
Its really hard for people to understand why people self harm. Its like an alcoholic having drink after being sober for years. Once you give in to self harm it take alot of strength to not do it again. Since I gave in to my self harm I've been dealing with constant thoughts about doing it again I have to remind my self its not a good idea, and if I went a year with out giving in I can do it again. Take one day at time one hour at time one min at time what ever it takes to get threw.
Thanks for this!
angel730
  #6  
Old Nov 16, 2009, 11:34 AM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2002
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wpowers View Post
Safe hugs to you. No one can know the pain of your heart. All I can say is that I do understand what it is like to not feel that support. Oh sure, I have friends and people who "love" me - but I don't feel as though any of them really know me or get me or realize just how deep my wounds go.

SI does provide a small distraction to the internal anguish. But then we are left with even more damage and shame. That is a high price to pay.

More safe hugs.
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  #7  
Old Nov 16, 2009, 03:05 PM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mum2four View Post
My mum once saw cuts on my arms when I 14y and she did not even care to inquire as to why I was doing it. She simply said "dont do it again" that still makes me angry even today. My mum has no idea who I am as a person and if I try to tell her she will change the subject.
Sounds like a typical dysfunctional mom who creates problems in her children from neglect.........
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
  #8  
Old Nov 16, 2009, 03:46 PM
Abby Abby is offline
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Member Since: Dec 2003
Posts: 826
I read this a few days ago and couldn't reply to it because it pushes some of my own buttons. I relate to that feeling that people don't want to know. It hurts to hell. My family care deeply but given the opportunity to turn away and pretend it isn't happening they will. Friends....ha....the friends i've had in the past have generally all turned a blind eye. I feel so badly for you when you say you can't keep pretending to be someone you're not. I get that. I wish i had some magic words to make it all okay, i pray for someone to say those words daily.......But i hear you, and i really relate.
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