[cryingchild]

I was talking to some people tonight.. And the topic switched to suicide and cutting, and then how people who cut only do it for attention.. I was furious with them.. I tried to explain my side of it without telling them i cut and they were completely hard-headed... They would not listen to a word i said, because in their minds, "cutting is wrong, only crazy people do it, and they all want to die".. Ugh.. i wanted to scream at them..
It's like, just because i cut myself, doesn't mean im a bad person.. And im not crazy.. just a little confused.. and well, just recently have i wanted to die.. But in the begining, it wasn't about death at all.. They made me so mad..

And.. as usual.. I cut again.. I was trying not to.. but i wanted to die soo much tonight that I did.. it's kinda deep too.. Well, moreso than usual.. ugh.. it seems like right when things are becoming a little more bearable, i have to go and slip.. Go figure..

And worst off, lately I have had the desire to cut more and more, and deeper and deeper.. I've been trying soooo much to stop, and not do it.. it is just soo hard.. Does anyone else ever get the urge to cut deeper and deeper?

[valbends]

I understand exactly what you're saying. I know it hurts, but you just have to know that you ARE correct and not let them take hold of you. I'm sorry thatb your urge is getting worse, but just keep talking to us, and don't go toooo far and you'll be fine! ((((((cryingchild))))))

Through each others weaknesses we find comfort.

I have, to see how much I can feel. When I'm doing it, it is very hard to stop. I know what you're saying about people thinking we are all crazy, etc. They don't understand what a release it is sometimes.

Please take care........and before it gets too deep, STOP. Please.

[Zenobia]

Personally, I used SI for 20 years and nobody I mean NOBODY knew that I did it. So for me personally it is not about getting attention...unless I was trying to get my own attention. As for cutters wanting to die...well if I really wanted to die I would just slit my wrists, I mean big deal, the skin over those veins is not much thicker then I have cut in other places. The thing is I really DON'T want to die. I don't want to go through this life again on my next turn on the wheel, if I kill myself then the lesson hasn't been learned and when I get reincarnated I am stuck in the same old senerio trying to learn what ever it is I am to learn this time around. SO I don't want to kill myself. I may want to die but I don't deep down want to kill myself. So personally I think that they are full of (insert the product of a bodily function here) and just don't know what they are talking about.

As far as the urge increasing, maybe you should just let up on yourself a bit. It is very clear that you are not ready to stop right now. Denying yourself may be driving yourself to do more damage. I don't know it just reminds me of when I would deny myself icecream then end up eating the whole 1/2 gallon. Just a thought.
Carrie

<font color=green>Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door.--Emily Dickenson

[angelkitten]

<font color=purple> Hi CryingChild,
I use to cut and sometimes I still get the urge to, but I don't act on it. I have made promises and those promises will stay.
Not everyone is going to understand why "cutters" cut. They have it in their head that we are bad people and that we are doing it for attention, but only the "cutters" and other cutters around them understand. I cut all the time without having suicidal thoughts, I just wanted to feel free, free of pain and worry. I didn't want to die, but I wanted to feel free. So, no you can't expect everyone to understand why we do it, it is just not going to happen.
This week I have felt like cutting and I have had to fight it so hard that I had to throw my razor into the field with my boyfriend standing right there next to me, so he knows I meant it and so I know I meant it. I would love to cut right now, but I can't.
Cryingchild, everything is going to be okay. No one is crazy for cutting themselves, not me, not you and not anyone else. It will be okay! </font color=purple>
<font color=blue> Hugs to you,
Brandi (angelkitten)
Kitten "meow" </font color=blue>

"Some people say that kittens are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well." Missy Dizick

[kvinneakt]

I used to do this as a teenager. The thought still comes up now and then 30+ years later. It seems to be a way to focus otherwise diffuse and ambiguous and intolerable anxiety. If you can see it and feel it as you cut, you can somehow understand it.

I wonder if people who tattoo and body pierce to extreme are doing something similar. Maybe is has to do with the endorphins realeased.

It really is a horrible habit. Dangerous. Embarassing. I had to wear long sleeves for too many years to hide.

[Rapunzel]

Even though you know that they are wrong, I can definitely understand how that conversation would be a trigger. It is so hard when people deny your feelings, no matter what the feelings are or what they are about. From their point of view, cutting can be very scary to people who don't understand it and very hard to accept, so it is easier for them to maintain their beliefs about people who do it being more extreme and different from them.

You are not bad and you are not crazy. It has helped me a lot to have found other people who understand. Remember we will always understand even when other people can't.

<font color=blue>Life is filled with tragedy; if you let it overwhelm you, you cannot enjoy life's innocent pleasures. -Robert Heinlein</font color=blue>

[saving_grace]

hey, the prob is all ppl see of it is on tv where it is resolved within a few weeks whereas for the majority of ppl it lasts for years and they don't have the network of support that they do on tv. they dont realise that most cutters try so hard to hide it and the idea of being 'found out' is so terrifying that it makes them continue. i say they, its me who feels like that tho but this is all leading to say people need to be educated about it and if they felt for one second how anyone on this board felt they would begin to understand how complex the problem actually is. all my love Lxx.