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Old Mar 05, 2010, 03:06 PM
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thine_self_untrue thine_self_untrue is offline
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I've been cutting since January. I've cut about every day since then and while they aren't deep and I've never needed stitches or anything for them, they're... there. The problem is I live up North and I've been cutting on my lower arms and legs and as soon as spring/summer arrive, I can't get away with wearing jeans and a sweater. I have 40+ marks on my right leg alone... this isn't something I can hide for much longer.

Umm... so I guess my question is... how should I break this news to my parents? I freak out just thinking about it. I'm not sure I'll do it now...soon...ever. But I don't want them to just 'find out'. It's not an IF they find out, it's a WHEN and HOW. I know as soon as they know my life will get even more unpleasent.

If you are a parent, what would be the least horrible way to hear this from your kid? For the record, I hope you never have to.

Argh... I'm nervous just writing this! They'll yell and cry and ask me why I did it... blame themselves and never let me out of thier sight period, much less with anything even remotely sharp and pointy!

Another issue is that I don't want to quit cutting. Yes, I know I am a total idiot. It... I don't know! I just can't let it go. But they'll try and make me. They won't get me help. They'll punish me. Not because they're bad parents, but because they don't understand. They'll think I did it for attention. UGH! Why did I not think of all this when I made that first stupid cut?!?

Suggestions, someone? Anyone?

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  #2  
Old Mar 05, 2010, 03:42 PM
laura2 laura2 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thine_self_untrue View Post
I've been cutting since January. I've cut about every day since then and while they aren't deep and I've never needed stitches or anything for them, they're... there. The problem is I live up North and I've been cutting on my lower arms and legs and as soon as spring/summer arrive, I can't get away with wearing jeans and a sweater. I have 40+ marks on my right leg alone... this isn't something I can hide for much longer.

Umm... so I guess my question is... how should I break this news to my parents? I freak out just thinking about it. I'm not sure I'll do it now...soon...ever. But I don't want them to just 'find out'. It's not an IF they find out, it's a WHEN and HOW. I know as soon as they know my life will get even more unpleasent.

If you are a parent, what would be the least horrible way to hear this from your kid? For the record, I hope you never have to.

Argh... I'm nervous just writing this! They'll yell and cry and ask me why I did it... blame themselves and never let me out of thier sight period, much less with anything even remotely sharp and pointy!

Another issue is that I don't want to quit cutting. Yes, I know I am a total idiot. It... I don't know! I just can't let it go. But they'll try and make me. They won't get me help. They'll punish me. Not because they're bad parents, but because they don't understand. They'll think I did it for attention. UGH! Why did I not think of all this when I made that first stupid cut?!?

Suggestions, someone? Anyone?
I don't believe we choose to feel like this, & i don't think its something you can just stop on your own, i fully appreciate how hard it is not to give in to it, but when you do its just as hard, the shame out weighs the relief, unless you have been through this i think its almost impossible to understand.

people do re-act, often not in the ways we want them to, mainly because they do not understand, even people close to us, you seem to have parents that care, that's a start, when people don't understand often they will lash out, blame themselves, multitude of feelings & reactions i think are normal, take things slow, talk to them about how you've been feeling, that you want to involve them, yes they are your parents, there not going anywhere, take it slow as you need, as a parent myself the biggest thing that would hurt me would be my son not feeling he could confide & trust me, i would not judge him, i would move the world to try & understand & help him no matter how hard, be brave.
  #3  
Old Mar 05, 2010, 03:43 PM
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NuckingFutz NuckingFutz is offline
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Well, first off, you might want to find a good article on self injury/cutting. Print out the article. I would arrange a time to meet with them. Have the article with you. This hopefully will explain the reasons behind cutting so they can at least understand why punishing will just add fuel to the fire. I would hope my children would not be afraid to come to me with any problem they had. Good luck to you.
  #4  
Old Mar 07, 2010, 12:20 PM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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Stay calm and keep talking until they understand. Maybe start with how you don't know how to handle your feelings and then when they understand that tell them that you cut to improve your mood (the pain releases dopamine which improves mood, like all the addictions). Please keep us posted.
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

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  #5  
Old Mar 11, 2010, 07:24 PM
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thine_self_untrue thine_self_untrue is offline
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I just got asked to prom by the nicest, sweetest guy in history. This is practically miraculous for a dorky homeschooled girl. It should be wonderful. It IS wonderful!!
But I have all these stupid cuts on my arms, my parents still don't know and I just want to give up. I should be so happy... but I want to curl up a ball and die.
I haven't cut since he asked and I have little desire to. I couldn't quit for myself, for my family, for fear of being found out, or for the scars but I could quit for my date to prom? I am so shallow.
I wish these good and wonderful things could happen to someone else who deserves them and could be happy about them.
I could probably conceal them for one night or hide them somehow... but I just feel so hopeless. Ugh. I hate myself so much.
  #6  
Old Mar 11, 2010, 11:55 PM
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angie2716 angie2716 is offline
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I wish I knew what to tell you on how you could tell them. I've only told one person myself except for on here. I need to tell my husband but he is the same way. He would blow up. But I do want to wish you luck on figuring out how to tell them. And remember we are all here for you! Keep us posted please!
  #7  
Old Mar 12, 2010, 12:03 AM
desperate&disturbed desperate&disturbed is offline
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(((((((((((((((((((((((((tsu)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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I wanna heal, I wanna feel
Like Im close to something real
I wanna find something ive wanted all along
Somewhere I belong?

he who does not feel me is not real to me
Therefore he doesn't exist
So poof...vamoose you sob

What's wrong with the world, mama
People livin' like they ain't got no mamas
I think the whole world addicted to the drama
Only attracted to things that'll bring you trauma
And to discriminate only generates hate
And when you hate then you're bound to get irate,

can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? i can really use a wish right now.

i'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road

I'mma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly
And all those who look down on me I'm tearing down your balcony
  #8  
Old Mar 12, 2010, 07:48 AM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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TSU, what great news! Of course this news would improve your mood so much that you could stop SI. It isn't being shallow. You do deserve this!
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
Thanks for this!
thine_self_untrue
  #9  
Old Mar 12, 2010, 10:42 AM
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thine_self_untrue thine_self_untrue is offline
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Thanks everyone. I feel better about it today. I have a lot of anxiety...I still can't believe it's happening to me!
But I feel happier. I wander around singing, I smile for no reason and some of this sadness doesn't seem so terrible anymore.
Thanks again for the replies and support!
Thanks for this!
Sannah
  #10  
Old Mar 12, 2010, 11:47 AM
doesntmatter doesntmatter is offline
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Hopefully, yours aren't deep enough to scar. Regardless, if you quit, they should heal up rather quickly. I've been doing it for a year and a half and my oldest scars are very faint by now. It's lovely that your situation turned around. Enjoy what you can!
  #11  
Old Mar 14, 2010, 10:23 PM
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thine_self_untrue thine_self_untrue is offline
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Today marks a week since I last cut. That's the longest ever. But I'm not really happy about it. I'm really low, but not cutting. I've wanted to a few times, but I haven't. I still bang my head, bite my check, hit and punch myself to express anger, frustration and whatever other crap is in me at the moment.
But I've been thinking more about suicide... it's not a new idea and it's not a particularly vague one... ugh. I just don't want to deal with this anymore. I don't want to deal with getting worse, with getting better, with taking another step, breathing another breath. It's too hard to live and too hard to die. What's left?
I'm sorry to post this. But it's a hard thing to keep in inside of you.
  #12  
Old Mar 14, 2010, 10:31 PM
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angie2716 angie2716 is offline
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I'm glad you haven't cut for a week but I'm sorry you are feeling this way. And there is no need to feel sorry for posting this. That's we are here for. And you don't need to keep it bottled up inside. I hope eveything gets better for you hun!
  #13  
Old Mar 15, 2010, 10:07 AM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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Thine, sometimes SI keeps people from being suicidal. Is your lack of SI causing your suicidal feelings? Thine, you really, really need to get a therapist. No one should be where you are without a therapist.
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
  #14  
Old Mar 15, 2010, 01:03 PM
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venusss venusss is offline
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At least you are able to formulate your feelings and put them into words... that is the first step to find the underlaying reasons and to get out of the hole...

hope you are feeling better soon...

And as for the prom? Why just not get some dress with stylish gloves? Or maybe long sleeve?
  #15  
Old Mar 16, 2010, 09:28 AM
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thine_self_untrue thine_self_untrue is offline
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I don't know what's causing my suicidal feelings. I don't think its not cutting. Lately it wasn't doing as much for me anyway, bacause I just wanted to go deeper, hurt more and get a better blade.
I'm so stuck. I don't want to commit suicide, but I don't want to be here either.
Things will get better, things always get better. I just have to wait it out. But I'm tired of coming back here again and again and again. Is life worth it for this?
Thanks to everyone who replied Makes me feel a little bit better to see someone cared enough to respond.
Thanks for this!
Sannah
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